Meanderings

Just a short note

2008-05-09T10:24:00.000-07:00

I will not be continuing this particular blog after the negative wishes directed toward my health and life. Shortly though I will be establishing a new one on which I will be tracking my current adventure as it goes along.

It's going to be a very lonely next few months

2008-03-29T16:34:00.000-07:00

I'm sitting here at home. I am alone. No transportation. My daughter will not stay in the same room with me for more than a few minutes. A couple of hours ago she left to go see a friend. When I called to ask if she was going to come home for dinner, she wouldn't answer her telephone. So I am going to have to struggle to cook dinner, though I don't really have enough energy to do it.

I don't have a car. Something went wrong with David driving Susan's truck and as a result I will not have transportation again until Susan manages to get it all sorted out. I'm sort of wondering what will happen if I can't even go to doctor's appointment for up to a week.

Mostly I am bored and lonely. I could distract myself with WoW, but it no longer works on this machine, and my laptop is really to slow for any play at the level I would have to play at.

I keep trying to do stuff such as work on my afghan and other such things, but I have almost no energy and my body isn't really happy with the pain pills I'm taking. Not that they do all that much anyway to be honest. Well, no more than for a short time. If I lay down then it seems to help a lot, but who wants to spend all their time in bed?

Right now I need to go fix the brussel sprouts for dinner and check the pot roast. In a bit more then I'll put on the rice and cook the sprouts, and make gravy, though I don't actually know if anyone is going to even be here. What is certain is that they won't eat in the same room with me.

Well, the verdict is in.

2008-03-29T09:39:00.000-07:00

It's not my gallbladder as they suspected/hoped. It's cancer. At least that's what they figure it is right now and frankly they're not all that wrong all that often. So I am facing a long tough fight here, and one that I am not guaranteed to win. I'm not giving up on this.

People are being really supportive. If prayer actually works then I will be completely free shortly. *grin* Still, it is nice of people to care that much. My family is in shock. My daughter is the worst thus far. She's just not coping at all.

I talked to my sister, who is also a mess. She is coming out to stay with us next week. At first I argued that she really doesn't need to do that. We don't even have the full diagnosis yet, much less a treatment plan. Then I realized she needs to do this. For her. My ex has offered to pay my entire funeral expenses should it come to that. He made the offer to my daughter. That's a lot of money, but oh well. I am hoping not to have to take him up on it any time soon.

The odd thing about all of this is that I'm not really scared or upset. Obviously I would much prefer not to have to face it, but we don't get to choose what challenges life throws at us. As I told a friend, I've never been afraid of dying. We all do it at one time or another.

So for now, I'm sort of in a holding pattern. I need to know a lot more before we begin moving ahead toward whatever is out there.

I'm Getting Sicker

2008-03-22T16:27:00.000-07:00

Seems I'm getting sicker by the day. While the dizziness and the severe upset stomach and sore spot are gone...sort of anyway....I'm very weak and I lack anything resembling energy. I don't just choose to lie down several times a day, I have to. I've developed an intermittent deep throbbing pain. With some Aleve it will generally go away in maybe an hour. I am not eating much. Nothing sounds good to me.

According to the tests my liver functions are off. That would explain most of what is happening I think. On Friday I get an ultra sound but because of my ongoing transportation issues, it will then be another entire week before I can go in to see the doctor again. I think this is going to be the longest ten days in my life.

I am thankfully still getting my paying work done, though it's an enormous struggle. I don't do sick well. It's very disheartening to be pretty much ignored by everyone in the house. When I'm too sick to cook they go out and eat. I'm still waiting for one person to ask me how I am feeling and/or ask if I am feeling better. That sort of hurts. Yeah I am whining. I'm allowed. I'm sick.

Being Sick is the Pits

2008-03-15T12:34:00.000-07:00

I hate being sick. It's not something I do well. I've been sick for about a week and a half now. Since I had transportation today, I went to the walk-in clinic where I go. The doctor checked me out and did some tests. She pretty much agrees with me that it's my gallbladder. Depending on what the tests show I will probably need an ultrasound, which I won't be able to go get until Friday or Saturday at the earliest, depending on David's work schedule.

When I loaned him my car, it was supposed to be for 4 days tops. It's going on two weeks. Last weekend they laid around all day and did nothing whatever to start fixing the car he's going to use. At least this week they are out doing some stuff, so I assume they will get the battery and other stuff they need to fix the car. It would be very nice if that's what they're doing.

For now I'm not sure if I'm getting better or getting worse. The soreness is gone, but my stomach still isn't happy and I'm weak and tired. My guess is rather than having stones, I have an infection. That would explain feeling so rotten and the absence of any acute pain. I simply feel exhausted all the time. And I am cold. The heat is on. Oh well.

I finally had a smoothie for lunch. That set well with my tummy. I've sort of been more or less living on smoothies, cottage cheese, and fruit these past five days or so. I just want this to blow over. I want what little energy I have back.

Update: I got the results back on my tests. Liver function tests are way off. This is, as the doctor says, completely consistent with a gallbladder problem. I should be able to call and schedule an ultrasound for Friday. Cannot get it sooner, but will have a car on Friday. From there we'll decide if this is an infection that can be treated or stones, which means the gallbladder has to come out. That will wait until June unless I'm really sick. I need to keep working as long as I can.

Busy Sunday

2008-03-09T20:44:00.000-07:00

This was a very busy Sunday for me. For the past couple of weeks I have been increasingly discontented with the part of the living room that represents one of my two personal spaces in the house. On Friday I decided that today I was going to get it clean.

After breakfast this morning I began very systematically cleaning the area. I emptied the magazine rack, then either stored away or tossed everything that didn't belong there. I emptied the trash, cleaned off the top of my little sewing table, cleaned off the top of a small storage box I have there as sort of a secondary end table. I cleaned off the end table itself then polished the wooden items. I dusted everything then moved it all out of the immediate area and moved my recliner. It's absolutely amazing how many dust bunnies make their home under recliners.

I collected all the books I had in numerous places around my chair and divided them into three piles. One would stay, one went into the Half Price Books box, and the other one came into the bedroom for later.

Then I dusted and de-cobwebbed, then vacuumed the entire area. I could not believe the amount of dust and lint I got off of it. By then I had to empty the waste basket again. After that I systematically put everything back where I got it. I had even found a nice nylon tote to put a lot of my craft projects into so they are in one place, and out of the way. It really looks good. Of course I misplaced one small item I really really needed to have at arm's length, but after a brief search I found it and returned it to where it belonged in the first place.

This was a lot of work and took me several hours. The next target is my bedroom. It shouldn't take as long as it's not as messy, but then again it has a lot less room for putting things than the living room area. I'll probably chip away at it this coming week between getting other stuff done. I am on a mission to get some things tidied up around here before I get homicidal about it.

Same Stuff, Different Day.

2008-03-07T23:47:00.000-08:00

It is somewhere approaching midnight. I had a nice nap. Maybe an hour. Then my daughter got home. They've been yelling for the past hour and it's not likely to stop this time. Apparently he hit her in the cab on the way home tonight. At first he was denying it, then he said she hit him first, but now he's saying he's sorry, he made a huge mistake, and that he won't ever do it again.

I can all but guarantee he will never do it again. My daughter was in an extremely abusive relationship at one time, and she has vowed never to be in another one. I don't see her backing down with this, particularly since it involves physical violence.

Stress is such a wonderful thing. It keeps you up at night and keeps you alert. If stress were money, I would now be a multi-millionaire. Susan just got the dog. To get him out of my room now she has to bribe him when they are fighting. So she gets him a treat, and treat whore that he is he leaves. This is quite fine with me to be honest. I really don't sleep well with the dog anyway.

I'm out a bit of money, since I loaned him the money for her Christmas present, but that's ok. It is worth it in the long run. The constant fighting is going to leave me with a breakdown if it goes on much longer. The only thing that really worries me is that she will now go back to drinking like a fish, when she was making some progress toward at least slowing down.

In the end, however, I will survive this as will she.

Late Night Misery

2008-02-21T22:47:00.000-08:00

I am sitting in my bedroom with my daughter's dog snoring on the bed. In the next room my daughter and her husband are in another of their seemingly endless yelling matches. It happens several times a week. I can't go to bed.

First off when they fight like this the dog is absolutely terrified and growls at everyone other than me. He won't leave my room unless I am with him. So I will be sleeping with the dog tonight because I cannot leave him alone and scared like that. He literally shakes all over at times.

It will do me no good to go to bed. I knew that this afternoon. If my daughter goes out then there is a huge battle when she comes home. They both yell and swear so sleep would be impossible. I didn't try earlier because once I am awake, then it's next to impossible to get back to sleep. I have this severe sleep problem that makes good sleep something to just wish for. It's already coming up on 11:00 and I have to be up at six to drive into the city so my son in law can go to a job interview. That means another of my work days is shot to hell, and I'll be exhausted. I'll have to work all or most of the weekend now just so I can be caught up by Monday.

We will come home and I'll stop on the way and pick up a few groceries for dinner tomorrow night. Then I'll start working. Between the housework and the work-work I'll be busy all day. Busy and exhausted. I don't nap because then sleep at night is a joke. This goes on week after endless week after endless week. I'm so stressed it's unreal. I got a biofeedback unit recently with the idea that I could maybe use it to help me sleep. Shoot. After almost a week I cannot get it into a normal zone. It just beeps at me telling me my stress levels are off the charts. This is not exactly news. I'm sticking with it though. Maybe one of these days things will calm down.

There is nothing I can do and I feel helpless about that. Or really anywhere I can go. My daughter depends on me for so much that I cannot just leave her alone to deal with everything. Besides (wry grin) the stupid dog thinks I'm its mother or something and runs to me for everything. I am not sure how he would survive if I wasn't here to calm him down and make sure he's safe. He even sometimes climbs into my lap shivering in fear from the noise. He weighs 60+ pounds and has sharp corners everywhere.

They're still fighting.

Exciting Family News

2008-02-14T16:38:00.001-08:00

I just got a call from my daughter and our family just got some really exciting news today.

First a bit of background. Last spring my great niece got the opportunity to work as a goffer on a movie set in her town. She really enjoyed the opportunity and had a great time. Plus she knew that if any other movie companies were to be making films nearby, having worked on one would mean she would have an easier time finding work on another.

Fast forward to yesterday. Her school was in a tizzy. Will Farrel (an actor) was at the school for some reason. As my niece was walking down the hall he saw her and yelled out her name. He had been in the movie on which she had worked and she had come to know him over the weeks she had been there. They chatted for a bit while her stock in the eyes of her friends went through the room. As they were parting he asked her if she would like to be in a movie. She asked doing what, and he laughed and said no. He meant how would she like to be in a movie as in having a part in his next film. She was thrilled and said yes of course and gave him her home phone number.

Today his assistant called and formally offered her a small speaking part in his next movie, and set the wheels in motion for her and her father to make a trip to New York city next month. She will, of course, get paid and all expenses are taken care of.

To say that she's excited would somehow cheapen the word. The girl is 16 years old. She's so excited she can hardly breathe. Of course by tomorrow she will be a huge celebrity at her school.

I'm excited for her because this is something so few people ever get to do. Good for her and I hope it is everything she could ever hope for.

I hate bureacrats

2008-01-29T20:53:00.001-08:00

Grrrr!!!!!!! I am so mad today I could spit nails. I have always known about bureacracies and the brain-dead loop you can get into with them, but it's been some time since I found myself in the middle of one of their insane catch 22s. Let me reiterate the fun time I have been having over the past two days.

A week or so ago I received a letter from the Social Security Administration saying they will no longer automatically deduct the premiums for my Medicare supplemental insurance plan from my monthly benefit. They did not say why they had made this decision.

Yesterday I received a letter from my service provider telling me that the reason the Social Security Administration had given them was that my benefit was not large enough to cover the premium. My benefit is 10-12 times as large as the premium. This did not make any sense.

I tried to call Social Security. Good luck with that. At first I tried to call my local office. I got two responses from that: in the first I got a recorded greeting, a notice that all their people were busy, and could I please hold. From there after maybe three minutes they apologized and asked me to continue holding. Three more minutes I was automatically sent to a full mailbox, then bounced back to the end of the line. Rinse and repeat endlessly. The second was even more fun. The message said "Thank you for calling the Social Security Administration. Goodbye." Then they hung up on me.

So I called the main office on the toll free line. After maybe half an hour of the most irritating telephone hell you can imagine I got to talk to a real person. She told me that the Medicare people has ordered the stop to the automatic deductions and there was nothing she could do without them telling her to do so.

The Medicare office just kept hanging up on me so I got irritated and stopped trying that. I called my service provider and told them what was going on. They told me that only a letter from the Social Security agency could fix things with them. Back to square one. I had a glass of Scotch and vowed to return to the fight the next day.

I reached the Medicare office the next morning (this morning). They checked their records and said that their records show that the authorization to automatically withhold my premiums was in effect and they had not nor could they tell Social Security to stop payment since they do not know the size of my retirement benefit, so had no way of knowing if it would cover the premiums or not. They sent me back to Social Security.

After endlessly trying to reach a real person in Social Security both nationally and locally I gave up and drove to my local Social Security office. The woman there confirmed that their records show that the automatic deduction had been stopped but there was no reason given. They tried to tell me I had requested it be stopped, but I squashed that one fast. She called Medicare who confirmed that my automatic deduction was valid and fine with them. She confirmed that the Social Security records showed they had ordered the deduction halted. She could not give me a reason and suggested that I should talk to my provider again, who had already sayd they could do nothing.

So here is where I stand. My premiums are not being automatically deducted. Nobody knows why. Nobody ordered it. Nobody requested it. And Nobody can fix it. Nobody has been really busy. My next step is to send a copy of something similar to this rant to my U.S. Senator and as that this be resolved. I need a drink. I need two; they're small.

Mike Huckabee is a Nut

2008-01-18T23:12:00.000-08:00

Yesterday Mike Huckabee stated publicly that he wants to change the Constitution of the United States to conform with his version of "god's" law. How exactly he knows exactly what god wants is questionable, and what is more questionable is how one would determine which brand of god's teaching would be imposed on us.

There are as many versions of Christianity as there are stars. The definitions and interpretations of what the bible means fills libraries. Yet Mr. Huckabee wants to try to change the Constitution to impose what appears to be the Christian version of Sharia law on the United States.

I am very thankful that what he proposes is actually next to impossible. Changing the Constitution requires extraordinary cooperation between two parties who cannot even agree on what day of the week it is most of the time. Then it requires a 2/3 or 3/4 majority vote of the states in order to put something new in or take something old out of the document. This is as it should be. I'm really thankful after hearing him talking about what he wanted to do that he's simply spitting into the wind. I would hate like hell to believe for an instant that someone was willing to try to subvert this document.

People are already trying to explain away what he said. They're saying he only meant he wanted to force his views on abortion, gay marriage, and giving citizenship to anchor babies onto us, not the whole of the bible. But that's not what he said. For me, amending the constitution to conform with someone's religious beliefs is not only ridiculous it is the first step down a very slippery slope. I have my fingers crossed tightly that this will never happen.

I Am Bored

2008-01-16T20:10:00.000-08:00

If I were any more bored I would be in a coma. It seems all I do these days is clean house, work, run errands, and putter. I cannot think of a single thing except playing WoW from time to time that doesn't bore me nearly to tears.

Most of this, I admit is my own fault. I've drawn more and more away from people and the world as I have gotten older. I'm simply no longer willing to put forth the effort it takes to find, make, and sustain friendships. Then one day I woke up and discovered I am a total hermit. What is even worse is that I have little if any real incentive to want to change that even if I had the slightest idea of how to do that at my age.

I'm very self-conscious when I am out in public. Not, as you might think, because of my weight. I made peace with that years ago and figure anyone who judges another by the breadth of their ass rather than by the depth of their soul isn't worth the powder to blow them to hell anyway. I am self conscious mainly about my teeth. I have nice dentures on the top, but on the bottom we got half way and I lost my job/insurance so I never could afford to have them finished. As a result when I smile I look like a jack-o-lantern on crack. So I rarely smile.

It's just easier and more comfortable (and lots more boring) to just stay home and fill my life with chores and projects. But I do admit that sometimes I really miss having someone to talk to. Year before last in the summer I went to Hawaii for a week and met some of my brothers friends. We talked politics and other things for literally hours. It was like being drunk but without the booze. I looked forward to every single day and couldn't wait to get up in the morning. I had a big grin on my face (at home of course) for two days recently when one of those guys sent a wave and a hi through my sister. It was so great to even be remembered.

Tonight, however, I am just bored. My daughter has been sick for days and is just now beginning to get better. She and her friend and husband are in the other room watching American Idol. Personally I would rather watch paint dry, so I am here writing this, then will do one of my Spanish lessons and read a bit in my new book "An Incomplete Education." It's a rather interesting big book of odd facts and information across a spectrum of subjects.

After another hour or two I will go to bed and thus ends another boring day. With more to follow. Thank heavens all of the errands were completed today. I don't have to go anywhere or do anything outside tomorrow. Yay!

The Great Stove Adventure

2007-12-16T18:54:00.000-08:00

By now most of you know that I live with my daughter. She has been heating her home with a wood stove for a number of years since the possums pretty much ate out the insulation from under the house and the cost of operating the furnace went through the roof.

At best this is an inefficient way of staying warm. Given the size of her wood stove and the fact it is more an antique than a working appliance (/sarcasm) it didn't do a very good job. On top of that we had to find seasoned wood, arrange to have it delivered, stack it, etc. Then we had to haul wood into the house, start the fires, then remember to keep them going. It was an expensive proposition. It was dirty and messy and inconvenient. On top of everything else it was inefficient in terms of actually heating anything more than the room in which it sits and the room next to it.

I have had days where my hands hurt so bad from the cold that I could barely move them. The dog slept under an afghan on the couch to keep warm. I would routinely wear long underwear, sweats, two shirts and a sweater, plus gloves in the house just to stay reasonably comfortable in the coldest weather. It was, to put it mildly, miserable.

I started talking about replacing the old stove last summer. Susan is a great gal but she's really short on follow-through. It is December now, and she had not yet obtained sufficient wood to get us through the heating season. So earlier this month I just took the bull by the horns and offered to put the entire cost of the replacement on my credit card and she could pay me back half.

I shopped around, did research on the web, talked to people, etc. I researched fuels and different types of stoves. Finally I settled on a pellet stove for several reasons. First off, it's less expensive to fuel than wood, and the pellets are easy to find. It's less messy. It takes minutes every couple of weeks to clean the entire stove. I don't have to hoard cardboard and paper or buy starter logs in order to get a fire going. I don't have to remember to bring in wood or to put it on the fire to keep everything going. There are lots of reasons to get a pellet stove.

So a week ago Saturday we went stove shopping. We found one that we really liked and that was designed for the space we have to heat. It's really pretty. Ok. Pretty shouldn't figure into it, but it's nice that it's pretty. We ordered the stove and Thursday they came and installed it. Within two hours, however, the stove was making weird noises so I called the place where we bought it. After three calls I managed to get someone out. The problems were small, and included the need to tighten some bolts that were loosened in shipping, and the fact that we had gotten a bag of bad pellets. So we shoveled out the pellets, burned down the rest, and yesterday afternoon I vacuumed out the unit and cleaned the burn pan. It's been working well since, though they do have to come out one last time to move the stove very slightly so that one small but annoying buzz stops.

The nice part about the pellet stove, aside from the fact that it works and I am warm even in my room, is that you put a bag of pellets in it and several days later you add another. Depends on how you use the stove really. I don't like sleeping in a warm room, so I turn the stove down to 55 when I go to bed. It turns itself off unless the temperature in the house drops below 55, in which case it starts back up until it's at the right place again. Same during the day. We keep it set at between 68 and 72, but more toward the lower end. Not because we're nuts but because the stove is so efficient that we are comfortably warm at that temperature. So far we're more than happy with the new stove. I am more than happy with hands that work and not having to wear my entire wardrobe just to keep warm.

Tomorrow will be yet another adventure. The stove sits on a brick pad. Over the years the mortar has begun to crumble and the bricks have to be reset before the inspector comes out next week. My daughter's boyfriend was going to do it on Friday. He in fact got started, but then he got sick and didn't get it done. Yesterday, when he was feeling better, he had other things to do. Same with today. I am a person who asks once and expects a reasonable adult to keep their word. He didn't get the work done and I know that tomorrow he'll be gone most of the day with some business he absolutely has to attend to, so the work is not going to get done again.

Then again, that's not an accurate statement. It is, in fact going to get done because I am going to do it. I got out my daughter's home repair book tonight and checked the information in it. There isn't a lot to doing this. I am working with a single layer of brick. The only things I didn't know was how thick to put the mortar and where, and whether or not it went on the bottom of the brick where it meets the wood pedestal or not. I know these things now, so by the time he gets home tomorrow I will have replaced the remaining bricks. They probably won't look as good as if he had done them, but then again they will be done which is fairly important.

One of the most valuable lessons I learned in my life is that when push comes to shove, there is only one person you can every depend on totally and that's yourself. So I do my best to include other people in my life, but I never depend on them to do anything for me. If they do what they say they will do (rare) I am thrilled. If they don't then I do it myself or pay to have it done. It's the same with this. I would lay dollars to donuts that he won't get up early and finish the job before he leaves to do his business. I wish he would, but I absolutely don't believe he will.

So right now we have a great new stove that needs a bit of attention (probably will take 10-15 minutes tops to set it right), and we will soon have the few bricks that came loose around the front edge of the pedestal fixed. I'm later on to figure out a way to put tiles, a mosaic, or something on the bricks to make the whole thing look more like a nice hearth.

Stuff and more Stuff

2007-12-04T14:47:00.001-08:00

I have been busier than the proverbial one-armed paper hanger the past few weeks. Somewhere I seem to remember reading that when you retire, you have more spare time and get to do a lot less. Well, with me "retired" is always a relative term anyway, but that's an entirely different story.

I finished one of my Microsoft assignments on the 30th of November and began the next one on December 1. Today I got an evaluation and the old group asked me when I want to start doing the next one next year. This is flattering. My current assignment, which begins today involves writing 589 biographical profiles, is going to take a while to complete as well. So it appears that while "retired" I will be busy throughout the upcoming year, at least part time, which is perfect for me to be honest.

I've discovered that what I need is a new hobby. Well ok, I need another 20 lbs on my butt about as much as I need a new hobby, but that's another story for another day. I've wanted to learn to do beaded flowers. I've made jewelry in the past, so I am familiar with some of the techniques, but beaded flowers are very pretty and very artsy. I was in the craft store yesterday getting some odds and ends and trying to get a picture of a quilt that Sewmouse wanted. I was talking to one of the instructors there. The long and the short of it is that she and I are going to get together some time in February in order to sit down and figure out how to make these intricate, beautiful beaded flowers. I love the idea of working with someone else. It will also fill in for those times I cannot knit. I did so much knitting over the past few months that I have managed to get repetitive stress in my right shoulder, which is getting better now that I am not knitting. I have to do some knitting though because I owe Sewmouse an afghan that is already started, but which I had to put down because of the pain.

I plan to use up a lot of my bits and pieces of yarn by making afghan squares for a local charity, but I had to switch my preferred method from knitting (much faster) to crocheting because I knit right handed (it's my right shoulder that's messed up) but I crochet left handed.

Right now, however, I've been slacking off around the house for so long I am fully expecting a visit from the local board of health if I don't empty some wastebaskets, vacuum, pick up, and wash the dog snot off of the majority of the windows.

I picked up a couple of things while out shopping today that should cause some comments around here. Last year one of my daughter's plants died. It was an old plant and I'm not really sure why it died, but it did. My daughter is insisting that I killed it. So today I saw some gorgeous plants of the same type, and absolutely huge for the price so I got her one. Sewmouse will understand this next one....I got the devil dog from hell a new hedgehog who does not have his sqeakers broken and who is wearing a Santa hat.

Meet Amy

2007-11-08T09:20:00.000-08:00

Amy is the latest in my Christmas do-it-yourself accomplishments. She was not as easy to make, unfortunately since the directions were totally hosed up, and it took me literally a day or better to figure out how to make her head and her legs. The stitch counts were all off and two rows were missing on the head.

Amy is my statement against what is happening with imported Chinese toys. Today I heard that more are being recalled, this time because they contain dangerous chemicals that are literally putting children into comas. None have died thus far, but I suppose given the toy's popularity in both the U.S. and in Europe it's simply a matter of time.

I vowed when all of this started that I would not buy anything that was not American made, or that I did not make myself. This is the second of the do it yourself things, and there are two more to go, a sweater, and a hooded poncho.

Amy is not perfect, but Amy was made with love and she is not toxic. Even her stuffing was made right here in this country. I'm really rather proud of her, though I would hasten to add that given the time it takes to make one, she is not something anyone would make for other than the love of doing so or the love of the person for whom she is intended.

So anyway, say hi to Amy. I am sure she is glad to meet you.

I Had an Aha! Moment This Morning

2007-10-23T09:52:00.000-07:00

I am sitting at my desk working on an assignment for Microsoft, when I had this Aha! moment.

The job I am doing is very complex. There is a pile of 40 some candidates for outstanding achievement awards. These are a lot of very important people. The job is mind-boggling because the write-ups are so god awful in most cases. Some are rather like trying to read a plate of spaghetti.

My job is to bring order out of chaos, discover what needs to be said that isn't in the documents before me, and then to contact the people involved, get the information, and complete the write-ups. And I have a bit less than two weeks to do it in.

Please understand that for this assignment, Microsoft came looking for me not the other way around. I'm a consultant. This was based on the smallest possible job I did for them sometime last year. I wrote up the proceedings for an off-site series of meetings they held. Someone there was so impressed that when this latest bunch of stuff came up, she asked for me by name, even asking my agency that if I were on assignment that I perhaps could work for them too on weekends and after hours. That was very flattering.

Deciding to take the job was one of my smarter decisions. Now to the aha! moment. I was busy firing off emails all over the globe to the director of this, and VP of that, then sending a suggestion to the manager I'm reporting to telling her of changes that need to be made in the process and volunteering (for money of course) to actually give some form to their current chaotic process (herding cats comes to mind) and write up a guideline to enable people to do a better job up front. That's when it hit me. In the past I have always been sort of overwhelmed by such important people and having to deal with them. I mean, some of these folks have world-wide reputations.

The aha? Well, I'm not only not overwhelmed by them any more, I don't feel at all inferior to them either. While I haven't accomplished the heady levels of technical and managerial they have, in my own way and in my own field I am just as good and just as accomplished. It's done wonders for my ego.

I think this happened in part because I am being treated as an expert and my opinions and suggestions are being respected with this group. They act as if I walk on water. I am referring to the local Microsoft group for which I am working, not the broader company or all of these technical geniuses with whom I am dealing. I honestly needed this. It's done an enormous amount for my self-esteem. It doesn't hurt that I get to work at home, set my own hours, etc. It also doesn't hurt to be told that people are so impressed by me and my work that they are asking my manager for a place in the queue for my services as each project is finished.

On some level I know my own expertise and worth. But on another I needed to hear it from someone other than the little voice inside my head. This next couple of weeks are going to be brutal. There is nowhere near enough time before the deadline. I'll meet it of course. I've already let management know I will be going into overtime and weekends. I have strategies for doing research until the answers to my emails begins coming in, and there are a very few of the nomination write-ups that are actually good enough and which contain sufficient information for me to begin the final drafts of those.

In the end I will do it. But I'll also turn around and refine their process so that next year whoever does this will not have nearly the hard time I am. In their defense, I should add that this program only started last year, so the guidelines have not really been set. They will be next year because I will set them. I feel very good about me this morning.

Frustration

2007-10-19T10:59:00.000-07:00

I am frustrated enough to bite the dog today. I have a new assignment with Microsoft with a very tight deadline. I have 42 files to read, understand, research, rewrite, and turn in. I have two weeks from Monday to do it.

For some reason known only the the Microsoft network itself, the damned electronic babysitter will not allow me to access the site I need to be able to download the files I have to work on. The system administrator has worked for two days to try to remedy this and thus far we have failed miserably. This morning I still don't have access. Of course I didn't know that for two hours because the damned auto-update feature is also bugged and defective and didn't work, thus denying me access to any of the Microsoft site. Yes. I am being paid for that time. That's beside the point. Finally my daughter the systems administrator, fixes it for me and the updates get updated.

So I go out to the page I so desperately need. Still no access. For 20 of the files, I have paper copies. If things get desperate by Monday, I can enter these by hand and thus have files to work on. I have enough work for today and about halfway into Monday before I have to start doing this in order to move ahead. For those other 22 files, there is no way. If I cannot even see what they say, I can't assess what is good or bad, what is missing, or what research/interviews I have to do to bring them up to speed.

I am not terribly efficient when I am this frustrated, I admit. I need to start my interviews/research etc. on Monday once I am fully up to speed on what is needed on these current files. This I can do. However, with 10 working days to do it all, I am not happy with the idea that 22 files are out there I can't even read much less work on. I take great pride in the quality of my work. I work fast. I am willing and able to work long hours and weekends when necessary (nice paychecks btw when I do that).

So I have fired off a note to my boss and am going back to work on what I have. By the end of the day at least 20 files will be annotated as to who I need to contact, what information I need, and what research I need to do online to make sure that the story is written well. Monday I start on that and pray. I plan to hand enter only the file I most currently will be working on in the hope that somewhere along the line this mess gets fixed and I won't have to do all of them.

Grrrr......I don't need this.

I am So Excited

2007-10-10T14:04:00.000-07:00

As many of you know, I am very political. I generally have an opinion on almost everything. Today I was listening to CNN when Jack Cafferty asked what we thought that the new embassy in Iraq, which has had huge overruns, has now had its opening postponed indefinitely. He asked what that said about the Bush administration.

I dashed off a response. Of course I didn't think to keep a copy of it. I just heard my entire comment read on CNN during the Situation Room. I was so excited. So I started dinking around with my mail program and found the original comment. Here it is:

"That boondoggle of an embassy will stand as a permanent monument to George Bush's ineptitude, and the failure of his policies in Iraq. It was started with inadequate knowledge and planning, carried out without oversight and apparently without a master plan for success, and in the end will stand empty as a hollow tribute to everything that went wrong over there. Mr. Bush cannot afford to fund health programs for poor children but he has no problem dumping money down a rat hole with projects such as this."

Yeah, I know it's a very little thing, but damn.

Meet Max

2007-10-08T15:39:00.000-07:00

This is Max. He's a hand-made stuffed dog that I am giving my granddaughter for Christmas this year. I've been alarmed over the entire toy thing with all the poison paint and other things, and I don't know what is safe and what is not.

From my point of view, all the toys that are going to be put on the shelves for us to buy this Christmas season have already been manufactured and are either in store warehouses, already on the shelves, or in transit. We know from the reports that there are going to be many more recalls before Christmas is actually upon us. For that reason I determined not to buy anything that is not made in this country this year. I will not risk the well-being of my precious granddaughter for the profits of some greedy toy company who won't even do the basic quality control one would expect of any manufacturer, but especially for those who are importing toys from third world countries where safety and quality standards are all but nonexistent.

Max isn't perfect. Then again neither is his owner. On the other hand, Max is made with a lot of love, he's soft, cuddly, washable, and he contains nothing toxic. From his yarn to his stuffing he was manufactured in this country. He is safe. To me anyway, that's a lot more important than the fact he is not entirely perfect. He looks handmade. I suppose that's because he is. Funny how that works.

Anyway, Max meet the world. World, meet Max.

Another One Bites The Dust

2007-09-26T14:57:00.000-07:00

In a good way this time. I got another one of my afghan projects for Christmas finished. This is for my ex-son-in-law and his new wife. It's pretty but I'm glad it's done and I can move on to all the other things I need to get finished.

It looks nice and will be something useful as well. I guess you can't ask for anything more than that.

I have had to redo the body of the stuffed dog I am making. I did something stupid and ruined the first one. But that is just one evening's work, so it's not that big a deal. I have also started yet another afghan. This is my next to the last one. From there I need to finish all the things for my granddaughter, and make my daughter's present as well.

This winter I will do something very unusual for me. First, and more important, I'll be working hard to finish Sewmouse's quilt for her. In addition, I plan to make a couple of sweaters and a couple of pair of socks for someone I almost never make anything for......me.

A Wonderful URL

2007-09-23T12:51:00.000-07:00

Man, do I have a deal for you. If you're one of those who is inundated with credit card offers in the mail every week, there is a way out. go to this link and you will be able to opt out of receiving this annoying bits of paper for five years. If you wish, you can mail in a form that opts you out permanently.

Note the "s" at the end of HTTP. That's for secure. I just did it and can't wait to see if it actually lowers the numbers of these things I get virtually daily. It would be so nice if it did.

Moving Right Along

2007-09-11T11:47:00.000-07:00

I just got back from Michaels, the local craft store, where I picked up the materials to make a cute crocheted basset hound. Thank you Sewmouse for that and the many other patterns you found and sent me.

I checked my Christmas giving list. I was able to delete one of the afghans I was going to send, but the yarn is now redirected to a sweater for my granddaughter. The timing will be tight because I am going to make all of her Christmas gifts this year, which I was not planning to do until very recently. I simply cannot justify buying any toys until this entire recall thing is resolved, and I am convinced that the contaminated Chinese-made toys are already in the warehouses and are going to be sold to us for our kids then recalled after Christmas.

I am nearly finished with one afghan, and have two more to finish by Christmas, plus all of Rachel's gifts. I'm going to be one busy camper for this upcoming season. Still, I have over three months, so if I really work hard, I'll get it all done in time. The little kid stuff can be done at the same time as other things, one small piece at a time, then assembled and stuffed at the last moment. My daughter can help me make some of the plastic canvas things. That should be fun for her as well.

I wish this were not the case, though I admit I'm having fun planning all of this, and will feel an enormous sense of accomplishment when everything is finished. I will be posting pictures of things as they are finished, so everyone can keep track of my progress. Wish me luck people, this is a huge amount of new work that I hadn't counted on having to do. Still, my granddaughter is precious to me, and she's worth the added work. I won't risk poisoning her for corporate profit.

Spin! Spin! Spin!

2007-09-09T10:19:00.000-07:00

The Facts

At the beginning of the year President Bush proposed a troop surge of approximately 30,000 troops. His stated purpose was to provide additional security on the ground to give the Iraqi government the breathing room it needed to implement some hard diplomatic solutions to Iraq's problems.
At Congress's behest and with Mr. Bush's full and public support, 18 benchmarks were established that would provide a concrete and measurable gauge by which progress toward the stated goals could be measured.
Iraqi President Nuri al-Maliki went on television in a widely viewed address to both his nation and the people of the United States and assured us that not only would they fully meet all of the benchmarks, but they would exceed them.

The above facts are indisputable. They happened and are easy verified by going back and reading the stories in the press during that time. So now we have the base established. The bottom line is, that according to Congress, Mr. Bush, and Mr. al-Maliki, the only measure of success is whether or not the benchmarks are met. That is all the surge was intended to accomplish.

What Happened?

The "surge" went into Iraq. It was shortly after the surge began that we learned that rather than working on the political reconciliation and other issues as they had promised, the Iraqi government was planning a two-month long holiday at the end of the "surge." This left no appreciable time from when the last of the U.S. troops hit the ground and they were expected to produce the results they promised. While Washington managed to bully them down to only one month of sipping tea and popping bon bons by the pool while our soldiers died, they still managed to accomplish virtually nothing.

Over the past week two reports have surfaced. One states that while the Iraqi army is making some limited progress, it will be from between 12-18 months before they can even begin to assume any sort of leading roll in Iraq's defense. In an interview with those who wrote the report (on Meet The Press) they estimate it will be 3-6 years before this transition can be expected to be completed. The same report concluded that the National Police, run by the Department of the Interior, is so corrupt and so sectarian that it should just be disbanded and reorganized.

The Iraqi government has fulfilled 3 of the 18 benchmarks and has made no progress whatever on the really essential ones. Large blocks of the government and the parliament has resigned or withdrawn because of this lack of will. Ethnic cleansing on the part of the Shiite militias in Baghdad goes on unchecked and nearly 2 million have fled the country. More than that have fled the city as one Sunni neighborhood after another are given the choice of either leaving or being murdered.

Since the beginning of Mr. Bush's "war on terror" (as if you can make a war on either an emotion or a tactic) terrorist incidents worldwide have increased 500%.

Most military leaders point to small and limited improvements on the ground and claim that the "surge" is working. The surge is working only if the Iraqi government has achieved its reconciliation goals and has completed the benchmarks. They have done neither.

The Spin

Mr. Bush, et. al have been been in a frenzy of spinning for the past two weeks. Mr. Bush now claims that any sign, no matter how small, of military progress on the ground is "proof" that the surge is working. Now I grant you if small or measurable success on the ground were the goal Mr. Bush, Congress, and Mr. al-Maliki had named as the indicator of success, then this would be true. Unfortunately however, it is not what they all said would measure success. Only political success would do that and there has been no political movement, much less success.

Most experts on the region agree that without a political solution there is absolutely no way for the U.S. to ever stabilize Iraq. Even now, were all of the foreign fighters to leave today, the levels of violence on the ground would barely abate because they are no longer the problem. Iraq is embroiled in a sectarian civil war. here is no solution to that other than a political one onto which all of the parties sign.

General Petraeus is expected to testify before congress tomorrow, and the ambassador to Iraq on Wednesday. They are expected to spout the party line that the surge is "succeeding" while acknowledging that only a few minor benchmarks have been reached and that no diplomatic moves have been made toward political reconciliation. He is expected to recommend (ala Mr. Bush's orders) that we leave the troops there to die for another six months or so to give the Iraqi government time to work on political solutions. I am positive he will not explain how this is expected to happen and why now when they have utterly failed to regard it as sufficiently important to even stay in session and work.

Mr. Bush and his crew of merry vagabonds continue to insist that the majority of the fighting on the ground right now in Iraq is the result of actions of al-Qaeda members in the country. Every civilian and military expert who has been there over the past six months agree almost to the man that this is not true. The violence now is between various Muslim sects and the divisions within those sects. In Baghdad, for instance, The Shittes are clearing out the Sunnis at a record pace so it's not surprising that when you couple fewer people with more military boots on the ground, the level of violence has gone down in some places there. Overall, however, the death toll of civilians last month exceeded the month before by quite a bit.

The Bottom Line

The bottom line that will be concluded by most reasonable people other than the 29%ers who believe Mr. Bush walks his dog on the lake every morning are as follows:

Given the stated purpose of the surge, it has failed. While there are a few small military successes to point to, military success was not why the surge was implemented.
The al-Maliki government either outright lied or misrepresented what progress they could reasonably be expected to achieve in the six months they were given, and that even then they didn't even try to meet the goals.
General Petraeus will concentrate on presenting congress with the rosiest possible picture of the conditions on the ground in Iraq, will lobby for more time, and will studiously ignore the real reason for the surge in the first place. He will pretend that military success on the ground is the reason for the surge.
Congress will conclude that the surge is a failure, but will almost certainly cave in and give Mr. Bush a blank check. All the time making (or trying to make) political hay over Mr. Bush's war, which a few of them honestly wish to continue and perhaps even get worse before the upcoming elections so as to generate a very real anti-Republican backlash.
Mr. al-Maliki will go on television sometime toward the end of the week, probably after Mr. Bush gives his blowing sunshine address to the nation either Thursday or Friday, and will appear openly defiant and repeat his offer for us to leave right now and his assertion that they can do just fine thank you without us. I urge the President and congress to take him up on it.

Conclusion

It might sound cynical to some, but I don't feel this dog and pony show will accomplish anything or will change any minds. Mr. Bush will get his blank check and our troops will continue to die. The government of Iraq will fall sometime within the next four months leaving the country in even more chaos than it is currently. The civil war will continue unabated until the country splits into three separate and warring provinces. Finally, we will be there, and we intend to be there, for at least the next five to seven years and probably more. Remember, you heard it here first.

Mattel Arrogance

2007-09-08T12:57:00.000-07:00

"Mattel Chairman and Chief Executive Robert Eckert said in an interview that the company discloses problems on its own timetable because it believes both the law and the commission’s enforcement practices are unreasonable. Mattel said it should be able to evaluate hazards internally before alerting any outsiders, regardless of what the law says." Wall Street Journal, August 7, 2007

This is a quote that says more than I believe Mr. Eckert really wanted to say about how Mattel feels about this whole toy recall thing. The Consumer Protection Agency requires that all such discoveries be reported within 24 hours. What he is saying is that he doesn't care about the law; he clearly believes that Mattel is above the law in this instance, but also that he doesn't care that millions of our children are being slowly poisoned while Mattel executives and lawyers dither around trying to find a way to spin this information to their favor.

From everything I've read in the past two days, these recent recalls and toxic toys from China are merely the tip of the iceberg. There will be many many more of these in the coming months, and there is an extremely good chance that Mattel and the other toymakers already know about them, but are delaying the recalls. Again while our children suffer what could be permanent brain damage in the interim.

While thinking about this this morning, I realized something else. The lead-in cycle for toy manufacture, especially when the manufacturing has been sent all the way to China, is quite long. Months I would guess. Many of the toys being currently recalled were intended for this upcoming Christmas season. Then it hit me. I'm willing to bet that Mattel and the other big toy makers are going to put many of the toys that they know are contaminated, but which have not been declared with the CPA and recalled, on the shelves to sell for Christmas. Then, a month or two after Christmas they will "discover" that the toys are contaminated with lead and heaven knows what else, and will issue a big recall. Of course the money will already be in their pockets, and the last quarter earnings reported to Wall Street, so the stock will be much less seriously impacted.

The losers here? Well first and foremost will be our children, who will have all those months (as they had the past many) to become contaminated with lead and other unhealthy substances. Mattel apparently doesn't care about that, despite Mr. Eckert's avowal that he too has children. I will bet none of his children or grandchildren if he has any, were allowed to keep a single one of those toys a minute beyond the day that Mr. Eckert first became aware they were toxic. Too bad he didn't care enough to do that for our children rather than let them ingest this poison for what he admits were months.

I for one will not be purchasing any toy made in China this coming Christmas season. I will also not purchase any toy which I cannot determine the country of origin immediately. Sewmouse has some cute patterns for kids toys that are either knitted or crocheted. I am getting them from her and will make my granddaughter some for Christmas. Then I will make her a cute fuzzy poncho, and a nice knitted sweater. I won't risk poisoning her so Mattel can have a good bottom line.

I urge any parent or grandparent who loves their children to do the same. Don't trust any of the major toy manufacturers. They have already proven themselves willing to endanger our children for their own arrogant and selfish reasons. Buy your toys at craft fairs, from friends and neighbors, make them yourself, or seek out the small toy manufacturers who still operate in this country. You can find them on the Internet. Don't risk poisoning those you love. The toy manufacturers have proven they don't care about these children; it's our job to protect them until this mess is sorted out.

The Depths of Stupidity

2007-09-04T07:19:00.001-07:00

There are some sorts of stupidity that seem to defy time and situation. I ran into the same one in two places this past weekend.

You all remember my daughter's ungrateful friend. The one I wrote about a couple of times here. She's the one for whom "thank you" is a difficult concept, and personal responsibility a mystery. She's with a guy right now who will, one day soon, hospitalize her. He becomes more violent and more abusive toward her every time he gets drunk which is several times a week. But that's another story. She has also lost custody of one child who simply didn't like her lifestyle (she was with an abusive lesbian for a while) and voluntarily gave up the custody of her 8 year old son because he was an inconvenience to her new romance. Well, Ms. Bright As Hell, now may be pregnant with Mr. Abusive's child.

It's difficult to believe that in the 21st Century there are still people who don't equate sex and pregnancy and take one of the many avenues of birth control available to anyone. This woman has no more right to bring another child into this world than I do considering marrying Tom Cruise. The difference is that I wouldn't have Tom Cruise. She's too irresponsible to have another child. Yet here she is, potentially pregnant because she was too lazy and too stupid to take a simple precaution.

I said two....remember? Well, the second is my great nephew. He just graduated from high school, was headed off to college, and was going to be the first (possibly only) of that generation to do so and what happens? He gets his girlfriend pregnant. Exactly what part of birth control is such a difficult concept to grasp? It's not as if he wants a kid at this age. It's not as if either of them do, but again we have too lazy, too stupid, and too irresponsible to take simple precautions.
I find it next to impossible to believe that any adult in this country doesn't know about the ready availability of birth control and doesn't realize how thoroughly having a baby when you don't want one can screw up your life. Of course neither of these people who do not believe in birth control believe in abortion either, so one and possibly two more unwanted humans will grace the planet. One will probably be well cared for and loved at some point, but the other will not and will at best be neglected and resented. That's really a bad start for any life.

Rule number one in life is "people are stupid." If you are ever amazed at something someone does, simply refer back to rule number one.

Am I Being Thin-Skinned?

2007-08-31T01:52:00.000-07:00

I've been wondering this past week if I am being a bit thin-skinned. A couple of weeks ago my daughter's friend was given an assignment at work. She was supposed to update a report that was originally written by one of their regional managers. She had no idea about how that could be done and my daughter volunteered to help her out.

Personally I thought she should have told her manager the truth; she doesn't have a clue as to where to even start and probably couldn't do an adequate job. This girl is a bit light in the loafers in the intelligence department to begin with. I don't mean she's exactly stupid, but she has no interest in this kind of heavy thinking and analysis. However, she was not willing to do that. She figured my daughter could update the report, then she'd take the credit for it at work.

Well, my daughter started and figured out that she can't do it either. Given enough time she probably could have done something that would be at least adequate, but while she's very bright she's not a writer. So guess who volunteered to help out? I've been doing this type of research and writing for well over 20 years. It wasn't exactly rocket science despite me not having access to the expensive statistics the original writer had.

The report took me about four days to research, think about, then write, edit and assemble. At my current billable rate, that would have cost the company quite a bit had they hired me to do it. It's an acceptable analysis but nothing exceptional in keeping with the idea that this woman is going to present it as her own work.

Now we come to the gist of this story. Even though I kept the vocabulary and even the depth of the report on a level with what she might be expected to produce, it still turned out a lot better than anything she could have managed. Some of the things I discovered and wrote about will be useful for the managers who are using it for planning for the upcoming year. The problem is this young lady doesn't understand much of what I wrote. She was supposed to sit down with me and ask questions so that she understood well enough not to look stupid if her manager questioned her. She never did. She turns the report in later today (I'm having another sleepless night which is why I'm writing this at 2:00 in the morning).

So to my question: am I being a bit thin-skinned because I am miffed that this girl has never spoken directly to me about this project? She's never asked a question, commented on the quality of the report, or....the big one....so much as said thank you. I don't expect her to act as if I'm some wonderful person etc. for helping her out of a tight corner, but is an email saying "thanks for the report" too much to expect for four days work? She was here picking up some of her things last night and never even bothered to say a word to me though we were in the same room several times.

When I get paid for my work, I still generally get some comment on the quality of the work I do and often get thanks. Is it too much to expect a simple thank you when someone bails your ass out of a tight situation? Again, I am not talking anything effusive. Just two words to acknowledge that I bothered to take the time and effort (which I will not do again as a result of this).

Political Ads

2007-08-29T13:50:00.000-07:00

There are two political ads showing up on the cable channels recently. One has a woman claiming to be the mother of a soldier serving in Iraq and the other is supposed to be a soldier serving over there. The gist of their comments is that the current "surge" is working, showing amazing progress, and laying a path for the end of the war, and more or less imploring people to be more patient and that things are working out. More or less same stuff different day.

But then the tone changes, and they each begin explaining that the reason we have to stay in Iraq has to do with 9/11 and they try very hard to say without every saying it that Iraq was somehow involved in 9/11.

This is a very old administration tactic that has been repeated continually even while those saying it are confirming that they know this is a lie. The Bush administration wants very much for us to tie the 9/11 attacks to Iraq so they have some justification for their continuing this war. It's unfortunate for them that it's been proven beyond a reasonable doubt by anyone including Mr. Bush that this simply is not the case. So while they cannot make the claim directly, they can make it indirectly by talking about the two events in the same context without ever saying that they are related. Mr. Bush and Mr. Cheney do this constantly.

So what has this to do with these ads? I wanted to know the same thing. There is a new website out there called politFact which resides at politfact.com; I went there and posed the question to their people, describing these ads and asking who was behind them. That was this morning. This afternoon I heard from the Washington Bureau Chief for the St. Petersburg Times. He said he had heard that these ads were going to be coming out, but didn't know that they had hit the air. The person behind them is Ari Fleischer, Mr. Bush's former press secretary. By extension that means at least that the Republican National Committee has its mark on them somewhere.

The guy from the site is now checking this out to find copies of the ads and to determine exactly who is doing what. I kind of like that. While my part in exposing this is teensy, it allows me a temporary illusion of being a politico or perhaps a mini-reporter. Talk about fulfilling a dream. *big ol' grin*

I was a little self-indulgent

2007-08-28T13:28:00.000-07:00

I'm not generally the self-indulgent type. I buy things because they are something I need and then I toss something else out so the dresser and/or closet doesn't get overloaded. However, yesterday I bought something for no reason other than it was really pretty. It's a nightgown and robe set. Off white with pink and purple flowers on the hem and a few other places on the gown, and as the base of the robe. It's soft and feminine. Not two of my better traits generally. I haven't worn the robe yet, but the gown is really soft and nice.

Today I've been working on the area we just cleaned out. I've almost finished tossing all the old mail, bags, boxes, etc. Will do that by the end of today. If/when we do get my things out of storage, I already have an area mapped out there for my big oak bookcase. It will replace two smaller and not very pretty ones that sit there now. Lots more space and looks better. We're just chipping away at things and they are getting done. I like that.

Today I need to run up to Office Depot for some folders. I need them to finish the reordering I'm doing in my own room. It's like 90% finished now. Makes me feel good and it really looks organized and cool. Yay for organized and cool.

I really do need to measure and figure out where to get insulated curtains for my bedroom. That would look terrific and would be a boon this winter when it gets really cold in here even with the small heater. Every time I try to find something the sizes are all wrong or the hardware is ridiculously overpriced. I really do want something very very simple.

It's Another One of "Those" Days

2007-08-26T21:15:00.000-07:00

I have bored to death today. I am not exactly sure why since it's not as if I don't have plenty to do all the time. It's more a matter of deciding what I can manage to get to every day than finding things that need to be done.

I still want to get more organized. I tend to pick away at it and it gets a bit better as time goes on, but it's more two steps forward and one step back. I really want to write more and I'm working on that. I've managed to do something like a page a day on my book the past several days, which is nowhere near what I actually want to accomplish. It's funny. I typed that last sentence, noiced a messy spot on my desk and stopped typing this to lean the place up. It looks a lot better and now a lot of things I don't really need are resting in the waste basket to be tossed out tomorrow morning.

The good news is that I will finish another project probably within a week and a half. That's one less major thing to worry about. It will reduce the number of afghans I have to make for Christmas to three, one of which is quite small--more of a lap robe than a real afghan, but a very pretty pattern. I also have my daughter's present to sew, but as involved as it appears to me at the moment, I have a sneaking suspicion that once the zipper is in properly the rest will follow.

My daughter's friend moved her junk (well a lot of it anyway) out of the house today. She's been using the place as an unpaid storage unit and Susan got tired of it, particularly after her boyfriend again attacked my daughter verbally calling her some pretty foul names and then obsessing over the size of her boyfriend's penis. That last one strikes me as odd as I can't imagine why he would care if the guy even had one or not.

This boyfriend (her girlfriend's boyfriend) is a time bomb as far as I am concerned. He's already shoved her around a couple of times, and has been extremely verbally abusive to her as well. The girlfriend is a nice enough girl but she's one of these people who allows life to simply blow her from place to place and she simply sticks wherever she lands for as long as she can before she's blown on. One of these days he's going to go over the edge and we'll be visiting the friend in the hospital. It's not a matter of if, but merely a matter of when. The guy becomes more abusive every time he has one of these episodes.

It's still cold and damp here, but the weather is due to take a turn for the better and might actually break 80 sometime toward the end of the week. We haven't had much of a summer but when I see what the rest of the country got, I am not going to complain too much. Ours is preferable to theirs any time.

Right now I am going to read for a few minutes then get my butt into bed. I promised to take my daughter to the park and ride in the morning since her regular ride will be on vacation this coming week. I don't mind. It will give me a perfect excuse to stop by Starbucks on the way home and treat myself to a special coffee. I don't do it often, but I think I will this time. I deserve a treat to start my week off.

It's Good News

2007-08-24T14:59:00.000-07:00

Today I took my daughter's dog to the vet for a checkup. The last time he was there his liver enzyme levels were so high they were dangerous. The vet suggested we try something natural first which takes the form of fish oil capsules and a dietary supplement called SAM-e. Today (two weeks later) we were going to see how this worked.

The word fabulously would be the best choice. From having levels elevated two and three times normal, everything is back within normal ranges. He's doing very well on pure dietary supplements. We'll take him back for a follow up about Christmas time or there about. The bonus is that the fish oil capsules also fixed a problem he was having with dry skin. Now his coat just shines.

It's about time we have happy news in this family. My daughter has lost two dogs in a year and a half. This one is her baby and his loss would have been utterly devastating. But for once things worked out. I'm a happy camper.

Sometimes Things Really Do Work Out

2007-08-23T16:27:00.000-07:00

Last night my daughter and I were discussing an item in the news about a five-year-old Iraqi boy who was grabbed by masked men, doused with gasoline, then set on fire. He survived by is horribly scarred. The story spoke of how he went from a happy little kid to someone afraid to go outside, and said he was so scarred and ugly that he wanted to die, even at that age. The pictures bore out the horror of what had been done to him.

We both hoped that since this story was making the rounds on television and on the Website that maybe someone here in the U.S. would find the good will and the money to bring him over here and fix him. Today I got a note from her and went to find the story. Sure enough; a major burn center here in the U.S. is flying him over here and will pay all his expenses to fix his face and the other areas of his body that were so horribly burned.

The child's mother said that he's not smiled or laughed since the attack, but today he was running through the house laughing at the news. He is very excited, and what's most exciting for him, as I suppose it would be for any six year old, is that he gets to go on an airplane.

The burn center says it's going to be a long road for this child, but the prognosis is fairly good that they can make a huge difference. Sometimes things really do work out. Now if someone could only find those who did this to a child and douse them with gasoline. I would volunteer to be the one to toss the match.

Another Week Shot to Hell

2007-08-18T09:12:00.000-07:00

I managed to get through another week relatively unscathed. I've been thinking for a while that I need to get away for a weekend or something like that. I'm not sure exactly where I would go though. I even considered checking into a hotel in the downtown area and then using it as a base of operations to visit the market, do some shopping, etc. Two things stop me on that one....first is that crime in that area is way up for some reason, and second because they are redoing the main freeway between here and there and traffic is an utter nightmare. There are other places. I shall persevere.

I planned to get much more done this week than I actually have. This isn't exactly new but things kept coming up. I finally got the cigarette lighter thingie in my car fixed. Well sort of anyway. They removed the broken lighter, which I don't need as I am not dumb enough to smoke (other than when I am on fire, of course) but I do need some way to charge my navigation unit. Now I have one. It was rather neat. I am considering taking the car back to the same place to get the heater repaired, but in this state we have like 4-5 cold days a year and the heater works on other than those days. Not sure what's wrong with it. It was a bummer when I lived somewhere where the temperature could be sub-zero for weeks on end.

More mess with my daughter's dog. His liver enzymes are way up. It has nothing to do with the last poisoning episode, and the vet doesn't know what it might be. We'll know more in a week. I would hate to see my daughter lose the last of her three dogs so soon after the last. This one is really her baby. For now he's a happy camper because he gets a new mini-meal in the morning when I give him the pills. It's easier than trying to stuff them down his throat. He weighs over 60 lbs. so you can see the problem.

I even managed to get stuff done on my story. I'll have Ch. 21 done today. This is progress. I really want to do some stuff on getting my car entirely cleaned out. For today that's going to mean getting stuff out of the trunk that's been there since half past forever, putting my roadside and first aid kit into a nice bag I bought for them, and bringing a couple of baskets into the house.

Other than that, I'm not interested in doing to very much.

A productive weekend

2007-08-12T21:04:00.000-07:00

I actually managed to get some things done this weekend. In addition to what I discussed before, I managed to empty my bedroom bookshelves, sort through them, reshelf those I'm keeping, and put four canvas shopping bags full of books in the other room pending a trip to Half Price Books tomorrow sometime. Tomorrow I'll do the same thing to my desktop, cleaning out the papers and things I don't need, tossing other things, and cleaning off the dresser. At some point my bedroom will be clean. This is a good thing.

I've been chipping away at my other big project, my car, for the past week. I have the interior cleaned out and have used Armor All on most of it. Still a bit remaining on that. I bought a bag the other day, and it will hold my roadside emergency kit and the first aid kit. Right now the emergency kit is in a big unwieldy plastic thingie. That's just the beginning. I have to get the entire trunk emptied out. That's when the real work begins. From there it needs to go to a place near here where I can vacuum out the entire interior and trunk. Then I'll run it through the carwash.

From there it needs to be polished. That's going to take me some time because I get tired. Finally, when all of that is done, I'll use some shampoo I have to clean the seats, and buy new floor mats. Mine are shot. Poor old car deserves some TLC. I already have the polish and the seat cleaner. It will be nice to see it looking more like a car and less like a rolling trash bag.

I'm rather proud of getting some of the detailed cleaning done. I have other areas in the house that need to be tackled too. There is a never-ending supply of them unfortunately. Still, it keeps me off the streets and out of the bars, so I suppose it's not all bad.

Finishing Things

2007-08-12T09:56:00.000-07:00

I'm please that this weekend has been one in which I actually got some things finished. Finished is a nice word.

I always have a ton of projects going at any given time. I have a fairly restless mind and get bored easily. Lots of years ago I figured out that if I had many things going there was always something else to pick up if I got tired of what I had in my hands.

Right now, the infamous striped socks are finished. I finished two parts of a sampler afghan I am making for Christmas giving and I pieced together half of the finished afghan. This one has 16 pieces which are then sewn together, and finished with a nice border. It's pretty but it's fairly intricate. The piece I finished was the 9th piece. I have the 10th started. I still have three afghans to do by Christmas and one sewing project.

I managed to finish a major part (maybe all) of a chapter of a book I'm working on. This is important because with my sleep problems, finding the energy to be creative is often a difficult situation, and this was the second day in a row I was able to write and to write things that were fairly good. I have also been able to do more reading and more outlining and work on story ideas that have nothing to do with this particular story. I have three stories in play at the moment and two more in the background, all of which could be books if I could just get them finished. The current effort is on Chapter 21. It has some holes, but is more or less half way finished. One other story has 8 chapters finished, all quality work. the two in the background are fully developed stories, but only one has any writing finished, and that is a completed screenplay. The other is fully outlined and ready to go, but it doesn't feel ready yet. The last one is a work in progress. I have the basics in mind, but there are major answers waiting to come into being before I can consider it a story rather than just a good story idea.

I did something yesterday that is very rare for me. I found a pattern and bought some yarn to make something for myself. I rarely make things for me. I'm not sure why, but I just don't. This is what is called a "bed jacket". It's crocheted, which I was not happy with, as I'm on a knitting kick. However, it is perfect for what I want. I tend to like to sleep with my arms outside of the covers, and my arms get really cold especially in the winter. This will help. I am thinking of actually knitting myself a sweater in the dead of winter this year after I finish Sew's quilt and the pile of Christmas afghans and other handwork projects. If I can manage the time, I might make my granddaughter a pair of these crazy striped socks. Not sure since they are a lot of work.

Finishing things is important for me. I need to do more of it. I have a number of projects I want to get done. Some are handcrafts, but others are things such as cleaning out my bookcase, sorting the books and getting them back up in some sort of order, and hauling a pile of them to Half Price Books. I have way too many books and some are ready to wend their way to the book store where someone else can benefit from them.

Right now, however, I need to finish this entry and to get myself into the shower. I have quite a bit I want to finish today, even though it is Sunday. It's cloudy and cold today and has been raining, so working in the yard is out of the question today. I need to do inside stuff for a while.

I am not a happy camper!

2007-08-08T22:43:00.000-07:00

It's a bit before 11:00 and I'm sitting here exhausted, both emotionally and physically. I just came back from leaving my daughter's dog at the vet. He poisoned himself again tonight.

Just what exactly is so damned hard about closing a gate? I have been finding the kitchen gates open repeatedly over the past few days and have asked those responsible to just be considerate enough to latch the damned things. We know the dog will get into almost anything. The gates prevent that, but not when they are open. I've caught him in the kitchen three times in the past four days, but luckily I heard him. This time I didn't. He ate a piece of cheese, a small amount of chocolate (bad enough) and at least a dozen raisin English muffins. Raisins can cause kidney failure in dogs. He had a huge amount of them, and the vet was only able to get a small amount by causing him to vomit.

So he's in the vet. He'll be there a couple of days. The vet can't say if he'll be ok because they don't really know what triggers the toxicity in dogs when it comes to raisins. They're hoping to head that off with close supervision, lots of IV fluids, and some other treatments. We won't know until the danger period is over and that's a minimum of 24 hours. Maybe as much as three days.

I am angry. There's no reason for an adult to be so damned irresponsible.

Random Musings

2007-08-01T21:43:00.000-07:00

Today has been a busy day. Also one with a lot of ups and downs. I started by sleeping too late, which is an up for me since the night before I had not slept much at all. After coffee and breakfast I headed into the front yard to finish a project to root out all of the wild blackberry vines that had grown back since the last time. This was my second day of attacks; I did a large bunch yesterday.

Today the garden fought back and I wound up with both of my arms pretty badly scratched and two deep gouges in my right calf where I hit a piece of broken deadwood under some heavy foliage....twice. It is aching and is red and angry looking right now, despite me washing it and applying an antibiotic cream immediately after I came inside. But I won in the end and the area is blackberry vine free for the moment. A temporary victory but one I'll take. Tomorrow I will have to go out and pick up all the stuff I cut down today which will almost certainly fill the yard waste recycle bin again. Then I am going to water my garden and begin some modest pruning on the bushes out there. Over time I will get some control on the front yard and it will look very nice.

I decided to take a break after all the work and went to see the latest Harry Potter film again. After I paid for my ticket and a small popcorn, I concluded that I would be going to the theater for movies much less often. It's just gotten to a tipping point with me. For all but a very few movies (and those will be without popcorn *sob*) I will just wait and buy the DVD when it comes out. The cost is close enough to the same now that it no longer makes sense to go to the theater, as much as I enjoy it. They have simply priced themselves out of my market. Oh well.

When I got home I had an email that was a real ego booster. I retired last year about this time. Not because I wanted to, but because I couldn't find any work in my own field, though lord knows I tried hard enough. A couple of months ago I got a call for a 2-3 day job (I wrote about this previously so there's no need to go into details). That contract was up yesterday and they had talked about extending it for another month so I could pick up some other odd jobs for them.

Yesterday I gave a small presentation to the management team there about how to write. Today I got a request to extend my contract until the end of November. This means a lot to me. Not because this is a big important job, because frankly it's not. Rather it means a lot because these folks came looking for me by name, and because it allows me to retire feeling good about myself. I wasn't feeling very good this time last year. It's allowed me to regain a lot of my self-respect and confidence. It's allowing me to go out at the top of my game. That's not so bad really.

So tomorrow I start another phase as I try to get a handle on all of the things I am trying to do every day. I've got to get a bit of a system down so I can ensure that I get housework done, gardening because it's good for me and I like it, writing because it's my life, and then progress on all the stuff I am making for Christmas as gifts. It makes for a very very busy day. I'm busier now that I'm retired than I ever was when I was working full time.

For now, however, I am going to get this done and get to bed. I'm tired. My leg aches, and I need to put some itch cream on all of the other scratches because they are itching like mad. I look as if I lost a couple of rounds with a really pissed off cat.

This is my sock

2007-07-29T20:16:00.000-07:00

Well, ok. So it is not really my sock. It's my daughter's sock, but I made it. A while ago I got a wild hair to see if I can still make socks. I could years ago, and it really hasn't gotten all that much harder over time. They're using five needles rather than the four I used when I was first knitting socks, but that's sort of minor.

My daughter has been going through some fairly hard times recently and she's been really down. I thought maybe a pair of really wild, hand-knit socks would cheer her up if the only thing she ever did with them was to wear them to keep her feet warm in the winter. So I let her pick out the yarn.

I had forgotten how thin sock yarn really is and how much of a pita the first few rows are to get done as things tend to twist and be hard to keep straight. After that, however, it's a piece of cake. So yesterday the sock was finished. I took it in for the real acid test. To try it on her. I was a bit nervous as knitted stuff can be odd when it comes to sizing and I dreaded the idea it might prove to be too big and need to be redone. It fit perfectly, however, so sock #1 is finished and the second one has been started. Since it takes 9 rows to equal one inch the second sock will take me a few days to complete. The needles are about the size of very long matchsticks. Still, all in all it doesn't look bad.

End of an Era

2007-07-22T16:15:00.000-07:00

Friday night I drove to my nearest Borders book store to pick up my copy of the last Harry Potter book. As I waited in line and watched the hundreds of people around me, I realized that Mr. Potter and his friends are more than just characters in a story. They have been a uniting factor for people of all ages across the world who have gladly immersed themselves in that world of witches and magic that coexisted with our own.

Now it's over. I finished reading the story yesterday evening. What was somewhat amusing is that most of the "spoilers" everyone was so upset about were not true to begin with and were probably more in the nature of an enormous publicity stunt. Some of what happened was happily predictable. Some of it left me laughing out loud because all the clues were there and I missed them. All but one of my favorite characters survived. Some I knew must die did. Others I thought probably should die, didn't. In the end, however, it came out as it should and the adventure is over.

Ms. Rowling has said she will not write any more about Harry and his friends, and I applaud her decision as much as I feel a touch of sadness that there will be no more of Harry and his friends. I've seen far too many wonderful ideas taken to such extremes as to become ridiculous. The Frank Herbert Dune books come to mind. Dune itself is a masterpiece. It should have remained a solitary book. It saddens me to see that the series continues long after the original author's death. There are a number of other such series that either should have ended long ago or which should never have become series in the first place. So stick by your guns, Jo. You're doing the right thing.

Bah. Humbug!

2007-07-04T22:17:00.000-07:00

I really do hate the 4th of July. Fireworks, except for municipal displays, are forbidden in our area, especially firecrackers. Which means the noise starts about breakfast time and continues unabated until the wee hours of the morning. Right now it's nearly 9:30 at night and the din is nowhere near abating.

My daughter has a dog. He's getting older and he really stresses out with all the noise. The vet can't give him sedatives because of his age, so he gets anxious and jumpy. It was getting pretty bad earlier this evening, so I shut all the windows despite the heat, and brought him into my room. Then I put on a CD I just got of classical pieces selected specifically to be relaxing and soothing. The noise outside is loud and continuous yet he's asleep on the bed with the music playing in the background. I know it's silly to think that the music is helping him cope with the noise and stress of the 4th, but he's honestly sacked out.

My daughter took him into her room a bit ago and he got really agitated and was whining and running around, so she let him out. I put the music back on for him, and he's back asleep. I think he's dreaming about chasing a rabbit. His feet are twitching and he's barking in his sleep. Silly dog.

The Garden

2007-07-01T12:19:00.000-07:00

I am not sure why I'm so attached to my little garden. There is just something about growing stuff, particularly flowers, that makes me happy. The picture is a container of nasturtiums that I planted earlier and which are just now coming into full bloom. I can actually smell them from my chair when I have the living room window open.

I want to work with my daughter later this summer and fall to put in two new flower beds and get new dirt into two more. I can't wait to see what all the new flowers will look like come spring.

Our vegetable garden is doing well too. We have lots of baby squashes, broccoli, and tomato plants (I'm still waiting for the first baby tomato) and other things. Susan saw some baby peppers today as well, so that's a good thing. Most of my pepper plants died without ever forming a new leaf, as did most of my cucumber plants. I do have two remaining cucumbers and three or four peppers which might do something.

I'm currently waiting on a big pot of sweet peas. It's finally decided to produce lots of baby flower buds, but is still a few days of good weather away from showing any color. I'm patient.

Gardening is sort of like therapy for me. I don't worry about things, and I love the results. I'm already making plans to prune the big evergreen shrubs and azaleas and rhododendrons so that next year they will produce many more flowers. Next spring the back deck will be ablaze with spring flowers. I've already ordered the bulbs to put in. At some point, if I get the side flower bed in, I'll put in iris.

Good News

2007-06-07T23:05:00.000-07:00

About a week ago I got a call from an agency with whom I have done business in the past. They said that there was a 2-3 day job at Microsoft that needed doing and I had been asked for by name based on an equally brief job I did for them sometime last year. They were horribly vague about what the job was. Something about doing a styleguide for a website. I'm retired now and can always use money; besides, I've been bored of late and this would be a nice change.

Today I went to Microsoft and met with the new team for the first time. My recruiter is a blithering idiot. She didn't really understand what the job was at all. My boss knew that, and begged the silly twit to just let her call me and explain. So now I know. It's not 2-3 days. It's part time for seven weeks and probably more. It's not just doing the styleguide, but also writing parts of the website, helping with site design, data flow, concepts and all sorts of other cool and interesting stuffs. I will be working from home most of the time and going into the office once a week or as needed. If things work out, then there are vague "other" projects stretching out for quite a ways.

What is ideal about this job is that it will come in spurts. A few hours here a few more there. I like the people. The pay is decent. On the way out of the building the other tech writer asked me if I would consider taking emergency overflow if she got backed up. I told her to bring it on.

So I am feeling sort or smug at the moment. This is a real job. It's doing stuff that interests me. It's a good group of people. I cannot imagine how it could be better at the moment.

Of course I always feel the need to keep off the streets and out of the bars, so I am also writing a short blog column called Media Criticism. It's found at: http://www.mediacritiques.com if you are interested in checking it out.

Political History

2007-06-02T13:09:00.000-07:00

This time the political history I am writing about is my own. It shows how a regular person gets sucked and and addicted to politics for a lifetime.

My indoctrination into politics started in high school. I was in a Civics class. We were broken up into groups, each of which was to design a public opinion project and write a report on our findings. The only parameter is that it had to be something to do with government. My group decided to investigate opinion on the city manager form of government recently adopted by our city. We designed a questionnaire, picked places we could get people to interview, and picked some city officials to talk to. A short time later, we were told we couldn't do our project. Somehow word of what we wanted to do had somehow gotten to someone in city government and they called the school and complained. That ended that. I never forgot it. It was the beginning of my involvement in politics.

I admit I was pretty naive back then. I remember signing members of the Montana government into a conference one day. I asked this nice man what he did. The laughter was deafening. He was the governor. But he was a very nice guy and was polite. I was so embarassed. The next day I got a nice note from him. I remembered that.

When I returned to the Seattle area, I got married and began getting involved again. I remember meeting this very Kennedyeque young banker named Chase who was running for the Senate. He didn't have a chance, but he was so appealing politically. I remember bouncing around the dark country roads of rural Washington in a bus with him and his campaign staff (I was just a grunt) attending town meetings. He was a Republican as I recall. It was on this campaign that I met Ted Bundy. Yes. That Ted Bundy. Met is a relative term. I knew him well enough to say "good morning, Mr. Budy."

I was involved in the Vietnam anti-war movement and later joined a campaign to elect a state Senator one last time before he retired. I did a lot in that one, running some of the nuts and bolts parts of the campaign out of my house. It was a political machine against a very right wing nutcase of an opponent who was the former mayor of our city. It was pretty funny. We won even though our candidate was so old he couldn't make public appearances. Don't get me wrong. He was as sharp as they come. He was just frail physically. What was sad is that a few months after the election, he died. It was at his funeral that I met Warren Magnusen and Scoop Jackson. (Please understand that none of these people could be classified as friends other than the old senator. They were people I worked for sometimes politically).

From there I received a phone call one evening late from a man I barely knew. He mentioned another friend. He had been told I was politically savvy and that I could write. He wanted me to meet him and two other local political types at a really sort of questionable waterfront breakfast cafe the next morning at like 6:30 in the morning. It was all highly hush hush. Of course I went. Seems that our illustrious right wing city council had finally stepped over two many lines to be tolerated (like awarding cable TV contracts to their friends rather than using a bidding process, an some others). These three men represented a group of pretty prominent people in our town. They asked me to join them as the publicist for a recall effort. The political evaluation was that of the five members they were targeting for recall, we had a very good chance of getting three of them recalled. I went home, wrote up and called in the press release (a reporter was waiting for it). It was published almost unchanged. Months later we held a victory party in almost stunned silence. We had recalled all five and the city council was without a quorum.

This and the following event set the tone for my political interest for the rest of my life. Being down there in the trenches doing the real work was wonderful and I loved it. The final incident involved a phone call I got just after the city council thing was settled. A man introduced himself as the deputy mayor and unoffical head of the city council. He told me I had been nominated for one of the vacant council seats, and wanted to set up the first of what was to be a long interview process. I thought he was a friend playing a practical joke. It took me rounds of apologies once I realized he was who he said he was and that he was serious. The interview process was fascinating. It was the only time in my life that reporters called me about me. In the end the process for that particular seat came down to me, and another woman who was a personal friend of mine. I found out years later that the determining factor in the end was that her children were school aged and mine were not, so she had more free time. That was it. Pretty flattering.

I was hooked. I've been politically active and involved since. This was back in the late 1960s and early 1970s. This brief contact with the internal workings of politics in this country really opened my eyes. I love it to be honest. If there were a campaign where I could materially contribute today I'd be doing it. I don't mean just answering telephones and stuffing envelopes this time. I've seen so much and met so many people. It's funny how much different politics appears from the inside looking out, and I was never one of the inner cadre (other than for the recall). Political campaigns are exciting because they are a win/lose situation and have a definite end date.

I'll leave you with my most embarassing political moment ever. I had put together my candidates booth for a candidate's fair at the local mall. I was manning the booth, answering questions, handing out campaign literature, etc. It was the candidate I told you about who couldn't make personal appearances. My husband showed up with our kids. He kept our son with him and I took our daughter for a walk to see the other booths. I guess I never stopped to think that even a five year old listens when adults talk around the house. She looked really cute in a red, white, and blue dress and a banner across it with our candidate's name. She had on a white straw campaign hat. She's a tiny little redhead and was cute. She really caught people's eye. Let's call the opposition candidate Bob Smith. My daughter was asking me the names of the various people at the booths. As we passed Bob Smith's booth I told her that was Bob Smith. In a little girl voice that carries to the ends of the universe and beyond, she looked him in the eye and yelled "Bob Smith. Bleh." If there had been a way of simply sinking through the floor, I would have. The laughter was deafening.

I miss this level of participation to this day. The memories still make me smile.

The Little Things

2007-05-27T13:51:00.001-07:00

Sometimes I think in our rush through our lives that we forget to step back and enjoy the little, inconsequential things that make you happy nevertheless. Yesterday and today there were several of those for me.

It started when I dropped my daughter off for one of her appointments. I needed to stop by the grocery store to pick up some things. While waiting to check out I noticed some nice, canvas grocery bags with nice sturdy handles. My daughter and I had been talking about doing away with the whole plastic bag thing for some time. These bags seems to do the trick. When the clerk put my purchases in one of them, I was amazed at how really big they were and how much the held compared to how they looked folded up. The best part was the price. $1.25 each. I got four and was telling Sewmouse about them last night. So now four more will be wending their way East sometime early in the week (probably Tuesday).

I decided to do some weeding in the garden. I'm always looking for ways of removing more weeds and gaining more garden space. Some time ago I planted seven lily bulbs. They had never come up, so I figured they were like the other bulbs I bought from the same place, and just let it go and forgot about them. As I was pulling up blackberry vine roots, I noticed this really weird little plant. I looked closer and realized it had to be one of my lilies. Nothing else is quite as odd looking as new lilies. Then I saw two more. I expect the others will be joining us one of these days.

The next job was watering the garden, though I could have spared myself that chore as it rained last night anyway. About three weeks ago I planted a nice healthy rhubarb root in a nice area out there. Given that it won't really produce until next year, I didn't expect to see anything of it until sometime around mid-summer. Well, there in the middle of the bed were these two tiny, wrinkly little green leaves. As I looked closer I could see barely a shred of red where the stalks would be coming up. My daughter loves rhubarb. It looks as if I got something going here. It made me feel really good. Kinda pathetic if you think of it. I got all excited over two little green wrinkly rhubarb leaves and a little bit of stem.

Today we had another of those, but it didn't pertain to plants. Last week this funny white spot had appeared on the kitchen floor. I didn't know what it was. This morning our roommate was cleaning up something and she scrubbed at it with a scrubber sponge. She called on us to come and look. I had been trying to find something that would clean the kitchen floor, but was worried about buildup I saw around the edge. Well, because of the wax I was using, there had been a steady buildup of wax and dirt over the past year or so. The only thing that was going to get all that buildup off the floor was ammonia and I am the only one who doesn't get sick smelling the fumes, so I made a deal with the two girls...I will do the big work, and you'll finish it off. That worked. As a result we now have a really clean kitchen, the smell is dissipating, and we all feel pretty smug.

None of these things is important. Each by itself or even collectively are really immaterial. But each one made me feel happy. There's a lot to be said for a little happy feeling scattered across your day.

Back to Work

2007-05-23T12:29:00.000-07:00

I am really hoping to get back to work part-time soon. I've identified four real opportunities to write online and have submitted my resume and application to each of them. The pay isn't enormous, but then neither is the time expenditure. It would be sufficient money for me to augment my income and pay for some trips I want to take. It would also keep me busy and off the streets and out of the bars.

We'll see if I get any of them. My absolute favorite would be as a political blogger. I'm opinionated enough and well enough informed that it would be a piece of cake for me to do this. Imagine being paid for doing something I do anyway. Tres cool.

At any rate, we'll see. I would love to keep my mind active and get back the feeling of accomplishment that writing something good always gives me.

The New Immigration Reform Bill

2007-05-20T15:00:00.000-07:00

The text of the new Senate Comprehensive Immigration bill (Senate Bill 1348) is approximately 350 pages long. It was my intention to read and comment on it all. This proved to be impossible in the time I allotted myself for the task, and given the complexity of the bill. Therefore, I skipped the sections on college visas and adoptions, and skimmed through a number of others.

There are a lot of very interesting things in this bill. Many of them would be good things if they were every implemented. However, the bill clearly states that if segments are not implemented, it will not stop the rest of the bill from applying. In other words, they can grant the amnesty and put the guest worker program in place without implementing heavy border security and cracking down on employers. There are a lot of reports required in the bill; however, there is no provision for making any of these reports public. They are to be delivered either to congress or to the Secretary of Homeland Security.

There are provisions in this bill for nearly everyone to hate. The feedback that is coming in says that most illegals will not even apply for the amnesty because they fear the government’s ability to be able to track them and also because of the fees and penalties associated with the program, and the provision that they must leave the country to make the initial provisional amnesty permanent.

Amnesty

The single most disturbing part of this bill is the granting of instant amnesty (which they provisional legal status). When this bill passes, any illegal can apply for an adjustment of status and be granted instant provisional legal status without so much as a background check, or without paying a dime if they were here on January 1, 2007. This is a provisional status but allows them to work and precludes them being picked up and deported. After they do this, then they have to fulfill all the provisions regarding English, background checks, criminal record checks, paying of fines, etc. Opinion: By granting them legal status to be and work here, even provisional status, puts them at the head of the line in terms of immigration. They are then free to stay here for however long the system takes while those who applied legally are still outside the country sitting on their hands waiting for their chance to come here.

To have their provisional amnesty converted to permanent resident status, an illegal must:

Pay a fine of $5000.
File and pay income taxes. They cannot claim refund or earned income credit.
Must have worked three of the past five years. Employment requirement is waived for someone who was pregnant most of the time, or who was physically or mentally handicapped. They exempt people under 20 and over 65.
Provide proof of employment. It accepts as proof of employment the sworn testimony of your relatives.
Prove English proficiency and pass a citizenship test. The last two are waived for the mentally retarded and those over 65.
Head of household must return to his/her home country to apply for permanent legal status. Those failing to depart and reenter within the 8 year period are barred for applying again for ten years and, if caught will be heavily fined and deported.

The section on what they have to do and the rules, etc. is extensive and confusing. It will require lawyers to interpret it for them. An interesting clause considering it effectively names employers guilty of employing illegals. To circumvent this, the bill provides that information provided on employers of illegals are protected and cannot be made public in any way. Opinion: The information also could not be made public so that the public is aware of who the greatest abusers of U.S. law actually are.

The conditional permanent residence is granted immediately for six years. There is a clause in the bill that will allow illegals, even those breaking the rules, to remain if deporting them would mean a hardship on their spouse or family. Opinion: This is an open door to abuse.

Deep within the bill is a provision that appears to exempt anyone who snuck into this country before January 1, 1972 and who doesn’t have a criminal record, from further examination and grants them immediate amnesty (no they don’t call it that) or legal status. Anyone who came here on forged documents 10 or more years ago doesn’t have to pay for this crime in any way. They are granted criminal amnesty. There are zero penalties for these people.

All aliens are required to report their current addresses to INS. Failure to do so is a deportable offense when the person is caught.

The bill grants the Secretary of Homeland Security the absolute and unreviewable power to suspend any aspect of the requirements for anyone for any reason.

Border Security

There is a lot of language in this bill regarding physical and other forms of border security. There is a very long section on the southern border fencing. However, if you read it closely, you’ll see that every inch of previously erected fence is included in what appear to be new fencing totals. The total include 370 miles of fence and another 500 miles of vehicle barriers. These are to be completed within two years. In addition to this general fencing, there would be additional fences built in the Yuma and Tucson Arizona areas, which are high crossing regions.

Included in this will be aerial surveillance, roads and vehicle barriers, and other ways of finding and stopping those attempting to cross the border. There is also a large increase in staffing to interdict illegals.

The bill clearly states the prohibition on using the National Guard or our military to guard or protect our borders in any way that involved actual interdiction. Opinion: This is probably put in there as a sop to Mexico and to ensure them that we’re not really going to get serious about stopping illegals from flooding across the southern border.

There is also a provision that is repeated numerous times across the document that forbids state entities and municipalities to enforce immigration law. Opinion: This seems to be added to protect illegals from such things as the rash of new local and state laws designed to combat federal inaction and inertia. Overall this could be a very significant provision that would tie the hands of those communities and states most deeply affected by illegal immigration.

One provision of this bill permits foreign-owned companies to bid on and obtain contracts for implementing the various programs to ensure our border security. Opinion: This seems like an enormously stupid thing to do considering that this is our border security we’re talking about. It’s just my opinion, but only American companies and workers should be allowed any portion of the design or implementation of any aspect of any project within the United States that deals with security issues, whether border security or any other type of security.

Increased Staffing

This bill is looking to add a lot of new employees into all aspects of the immigration process from clerks to clear out the backlog to more INS agents and port inspectors. Over five years this would add 2500 port inspectors. 250 Deputy U.S. Marshals, and 1,000 agents to investigate human smuggling. Over the same period, 11,600 Border Patrol agents. Twenty percent of these new Border Patrol Agents will be assigned to the Canadian border.

One of the first things I noticed when reading about this is a clause requiring a report to be written on the advisability of contracting training for these new hires out to private companies. Opinion: This is probably opening the door to no-bid contracts to some Senator or Administration favored private company such as Halliburton.

The bill calls for a National Security Plan that is to be submitted to congress within a year of the bill’s passage. Opinion: I would have thought that given the severity of the problem that such a plan would already exist.

Guest Worker Programs

There are quite a few different types of temporary and guest worker programs described in this bill. Each has its own set of rules and regulations.

Temporary Guest Workers. This classification does not include agricultural workers, who have their own separate program. There is a special clause in the bill to permit fashion models to come in. Workers would have to undergo a background check and medical check. Must have received a job offer. $500 visa fee. These temporary workers cannot convert their status to immigrant. Must leave if unemployed for 60 days, with a ton of exceptions. If they fail to leave, they are barred from applying for any form of admission for ten years. Comment: Television reports that spouse and kids may only come for a short visit every two years is incorrect. They are eligible to accompany the worker.

While the bill identifies English as the unifying language of the United States, it does not require that guest workers be fluent in English and it requires that instructions and other printed matter be given the prospective employee in their own language.

These temporary workers must be paid prevailing local wages. People who are already here are not allowed to apply for the temporary worker program from within the U.S. These temporary workers cannot convert their status to permanent resident and must return home at the end of their visas. Their visas are renewable one time.

Agricultural Workers. These will enter under a special blue card provision. They must get a special card and be registered in a database. They can keep their spouses and children in the U.S. They are barred from welfare and other social services for five years. These temporary workers have to be provided either housing or a housing allowance. This can include labor camps. They are not eligible for permanent residence and they must return home at the end of a specified time.

Protecting American Workers

Protections for American workers include the clause that all jobs must be advertised nationally through such places as Employment Security databases and the like. Any job from which a qualified American has been fired cannot be filled by a temporary guest worker for six months. Any job for which a qualified American applies must be filled by an American. Requires prevailing wages and health coverage for at least on the job types of injuries and problems. There is also a clause that forbids importing guest workers in non-agricultural jobs into any metropolitan area which has an unemployment rate of 9% or more. It contains some whistleblower protection as well, which would be necessary given how people will spend more time finding ways to avoid complying with the law than they will obeying it.

Permanent Residents Applying From Outside the Country

There is currently a huge backlog of people who have taken the legal route to apply. This is a long and cumbersome process which can take over ten years to complete. A number of strategies are suggested in this bill which would considerably speed clearing of this backlog from hiring more people to automating many areas of the process.

They have also redesigned the manner in which the applications are approved. In the past a family connection moved you to the head of the line above any other consideration. The majority of visas granted each year were family related. Under the new provisions of this law, there will be a point system assigned that will grant the majority of new visas to people who are in occupations for which a shortage currently exists here, such as nurses have, who are college graduates (especially in technical subjects and sciences), who have advanced degrees, who speak fluent English, and several other such qualifiers.

New immigrants are required to submit fingerprints: The bill allows them to do this within 30 days of arriving here. This would permit people to get here for which there is no biometric identification, then simply disappear and would make them much harder to track.

A Wealth of Databases

This bill is full of proposals for numerous, interactive databases. One of these would be a national security database to track those on the various programs who are here legally, and to allow employers and others to quickly and easily determine a person’s status. Opinion: They have been trying for over ten years to upgrade the Internal Revenue computers without any appreciable success but with a cost of tens of millions of dollars. Now they’re saying they can have this entire new system up, running, and talking to other government databases within a year.

One of the provisions of the new identification cards that will be a major part of the new database tracking system will be the inclusion of fingerprints, a photograph, and such information as date of birth, etc. This information is designed to make it more difficult to fake these identification cards, particularly since the information the card includes will be in the database. Forging such a card infers the ability to hack into the database and insert data.

Another federal database is planned to help various federal agencies coordinate information on human smugglers. This database will be expected to talk to the databases in the other agencies. Opinion: We shall see if that actually happens, since most federal databases still cannot talk to one another and the ability to do so was supposed to be developed immediately following 9/11 because of the missed clues that might have prevented the attack had one federal agency had access to the information in another’s database.

The bill contains a large number of provisions designed to provide tracking for visas, and a variety of other legal documents at points of entry into the United. States. The overall intent seems to be to finally be able to actually know when someone here on a visa leaves the country, and by extension, to know who has not left who should have. These would include the collection of pictures and fingerprints at the border as people entered and exited the United States. The bill provides that no later than October 26, 2008 that all documents used to identify aliens within the United States be machine readable, and that the readers be in place and operational. Opinion: I personally find this almost laughable. The federal government can’t do the simplest things quickly. This involves designing a large scale identification system, training people to use it, and having the database that it will connect to designed and running within a year and a half. They won’t even be able to issue bids in that time.

An interesting provision here is that the federal government can also require the same biometric information be given by legal permanent U.S. residents as they enter and leave the country. Included with this provision is one that is repeated throughout this bill, granting the Secretary of Homeland Security the right to suspend or ignore any aspect of this bill he wishes without explanation and without accountability.

The bill gives the government 30 days after passage of the bill to inform congress that technology to do this has been developed. This provision also includes the idea that legal citizens could request that their legal status be included on their driver’s license. The license would then be used as an identification document at the border. The state may not require said citizenship be put on the driver’s license and cannot share information they obtain this way with anyone, even if it would identify illegals. Opinion: The federal government can’t take a potty break in 30 days, much less develop technology for a program of this size.

Immigration law violators of all sort will be listed in the national crime information database. Someone whose name is entered here by mistake can petition to have their name removed. Opinion: I find this ironic as hell. American citizens who are mistakenly put on a terrorist watch list cannot get their name off those lists even when they are including babies and other such people who couldn’t possibly be terrorists.

Working With Other Countries

One interesting provision of this new law is working with Guatamala and Beliz, including large grants and providing lots of equipment to help them deal with border jumpers heading for Mexico and eventually the United States across their northern borders. An added part is that we will be setting up and administering a database to track gang activities in these countries as well as in the United States and Mexico. Of course we will be footing the bill.

The section of cooperative effort with Mexico to curb illegal immigration is interesting. It includes million of dollars that the U.S. will pay the Mexican government for training programs and for developing economic opportunities for people in Mexico. Opinion: Most of this money will probably go into the pockets of corrupt Mexican officials. Also, it seems ironic to me that we will go out of our way to provide job training and economic opportunity to Mexicans, yet we do a really poor job of doing the same thing for our own citizens.

One really excellent idea in this bill is designed to solve a very large problem with regard to other countries refusing to repatriate their nationals when they are caught here illegally. This bill dictates that any country that refuses to repatriate their own citizens will have all visas to come here suspended until such a time as they choose to comply. Of course there is the usual caveat that the Secretary of Homeland Security can ignore these provisions at will.

Miscellaneous Ideas

There is one small provision that exempts Cubans from all provisions of this act, most particularly the mandatory detention sections. At least that’s what I believe the phrase “The mandatory detention requirement in subsection (a) does not apply to any alien who is a native or citizen of a country in the Western Hemisphere with whose government the United States does not have full diplomatic relations” means. I’m not sure there is any other country in the Western Hemisphere with whom the U.S. does not have full diplomatic relations. It also exempts the children of Philippine war veterans.

Grants full citizenship to any non-citizen who serves two years in the military. It’s not clear from the clause if this includes illegals.

One idea that would facilitate the travel of U.S. citizens is what is called a Passport Card. This would allow those crossing the Canadian and Mexican borders regularly, and also vacationing people going on cruises and such things to have acceptable identification. This same idea also suggests the establishment of a frequent crosser database to speed such people across the borders without undue delays. This would include background checks, criminal checks, and includes people who don’t appear on any of the watch lists.

One clause this writer particularly liked was one which would reimburse small local governments for the expense they incur in dealing with illegals they catch smuggling drugs or people across the border, prior to turning them over to INS.

There are a number of provisions in this bill designed to crack down on forgers, human smugglers, drug runners and other low lives. There is also a provision to stop catch and release of illegals. To accommodate the expected numbers of detainees, the government is to look into retaining and reopening military facilities that were closed under previous base closing initiatives. These are to be regarded as a first choice before building new facilities.

Opinion: The bill contains what I regard as cop-out language exempting churches and other religious organizations who choose to defy U.S. law regarding illegals without repercussions.

Employer Repercussions

There is a clause in this bill which applies the criminal forfeiture laws to anyone who knowingly employs 10 or more illegals in any 12 month period. It also imposes heavy fines and up to ten years in prison. The provision also denies anyone other than INS officers from arresting or detaining illegals even when they are discovered. This would preclude local cops from arresting houses full of illegals. Opinion: This feature alone would stop most illegal border crossings by drying up the jobs if there is actually an intent to enforce it.

Legal aliens who get caught in the enforcement mess that is sure to result from this act are entitled to be reimbursed for lost wages. In addition, there is a cap on attorney fees for assisting people get their money. The cap is really big for one person ($25,000) but would be quite effective in eliminating nuisance suits by class action lawyers.

The Secretary of Homeland Security can exempt businesses who routinely hire large numbers of illegals from the penalties associated with doing so. Otherwise, there are heavy fines and jail sentences for anyone who doesn’t check an employee’s status once the databases are up and running.

A report is required to assess the impact of millions of new recipients for a variety of social service programs in the U.S. There is no provision in this law to bar those getting instant legality from applying for any of these programs.

English Language

Declares English to be the “national language of the United States.” The exact language is as follows: The Government of the United States shall preserve and enhance the role of English as the national language of the United States of America. Unless otherwise authorized or provided by law, no person has a right, entitlement, or claim to have the Government of the United States or any of its officials or representatives act, communicate, perform or provide services, or provide materials in any language other than English. If exceptions are made, that does not create a legal entitlement to additional services in that language or any language other than English. If any forms are issued by the Federal Government in a language other than English (or such forms are completed in a language other than English), the English language version of the form is the sole authority for all legal purposes.

This clause is directly contradicted by a previous clause which mandates production of any number of documents in languages other than English.

A Day for Self-Indulgence

2007-05-15T09:35:00.000-07:00

I am seriously considering being a self-indulgent slug today. It's still early here (before 10:00). I have two or three small chores to complete from my list of 17. I've had breakfast and the kitchen is clean.

Over the weekend was a total loss. We were so bummed out and sad about Clara's dying that we did little of anything. Yesterday, in a fit of guilt, I made a list of 15 To Do items and finished all but three. I added two more last night. I will toss those out of the way here sometime soon.

I'm very seriously considering being miserably self-indulgent today to a degree seldom seen in my neck of the woods. I did all my errand running yesterday, so if I do this, it will be shopping, lunch out, pedicure, manicure and then a nap. I need to pick up the extra stuff for my daughter's Christmas present. Yeah, I know it's only May, but I am making something that will take weeks to finish and I am also making all of my Christmas gifts this year.

The shopping might entail buying a book. For me it generally does. I'm a book freak. It might entail getting a few pair of new underwear and weeding out the ones that you can see daylight through. I want to look for some baskets to hold potatoes and onions in the kitchen. Maybe those hanging things but I have to be careful there. My daughter is really short.

Mostly I think what I want to do is get out of the house and do it for a reason that isn't an obligation. Everything I do of late is an obligation of some sort, particularly when I leave the house. I have to get groceries, pay bills for my daughter (she can't leave the house except to go to and from work), or run other errands of that sort. I almost never go anywhere just for me.

I might even find a new pair of sandals for summer. Whatta concept. I just sort of feel that the sunshine (it's a gorgeous day here) and the fact I'll just be putzing around for no particular reason and with no particular goals might really feel good. Maybe I'll check out that Mexican butcher shop and see if they have lamb shanks. I would love some lamb shanks. I could, of course, get those if I chose to drive into the city. There is a butcher shop at the Market that always has them. But the Market is a really long drive and traffic there is such a hassle.

We'll see. Right now I need to go vacuum the house, weed the garden, write a letter to my doctor then shower and get dressed.

A Really Sad Day

2007-05-10T16:08:00.000-07:00

This has been a real bummer of a day. We took Clara to the vet today and the news was pretty much what we expected and none of it good. A couple of days ago she had a really bad problem breathing. She did fairly well for a day and a half after that, but yesterday things started going downhill again. She was falling trying to go up stairs, and just generally having a dreadful time even getting up and down off the floor.

The doctor confirmed that things are at an end for her. Her liver and spleen are really badly enlarged, her muscles are atrophying, and despite eating well, she's dropped 4 pounds in a week. That's a lot for a dog; even a big dog. So he gave us some pills to make her comfortable, took her off of all of her current medicines, and scheduled her for Saturday afternoon to be put to sleep. There is no point in allowing her to suffer. She's barely able to get around, has two independent types of cancer, and is simply too sick and too tired to go on.

This isn't going to be easy. Not for any of us. I took her outside to go potty today. We have a wheelchair ramp in the front of the house, and I took her down that. Unfortunately, she didn't even have the strength to walk back up it. She couldn't get up the stairs either, so I wound up lifting her onto the lowest step so she could get up the others.

Her name is Clara, by the way. She's one of the quietest, gentlest, and sweetest dogs that ever was. She will be so missed. I'm not overly fond of dogs, but I'm very fond of this one. She has a very expressive face and when she was excited she'd do this little dance to let you know how happy she was. She had a lot of silly little quirks, such as barking over nothing if her brother got all wound up. She wouldn't know what she was barking at, but that didn't stop her. Same with whining. She would whine as if her tail was being pulled off from time to time. Not pain. Just this stupid whining. If you told her to shut up she'd look at you as if you'd suggested she eat dirt. Trust me, she had the best "are you crazy?" look you can even imagine.

We will have her another day and a half. Then she'll be gone. Her sister died last year. That leaves us with one dog.

Girl Stuff

2007-05-07T21:46:00.000-07:00

Tonight as I was getting ready for bed, I stopped for a moment to consider my daily routine. Every morning when I get up I put on lotion for the dry spots on my legs and arms. I put on eye cream, lip cream, moisturizer, and neck cream. I always put on lipstick but any other makeup depends on if I'm going out.

At night I have the same routine, but with different things.

I got to wondering why I do this. I've been doing it pretty regularly since I was in my teens. When I was in my teens, I think there was a good reason. Today I"m not so sure other than the fact that I do it for me. I harbor no delusions that this stuff is going to somehow keep me young and one day my prince will come. I don't believe in princes and I sure as hell don't believe in happily ever after.

I do believe there is a time and a place for taking care of yourself, and maybe for me is the best possible reason because for whatever reason it still matters to me. Part of it is just that I don't want to look like my sister. She's two years younger than me but has more lines on her face than she has places for them. Of course she has a lot of reasons. She's never taken care of her skin. She's been one who spends time in the sun without sun screen, she's had dentures for years, and she smokes. That's a perfect recipe for wrinkles. Don't get me wrong. I love my sister dearly and she's a really good person. She's just a very wrinkled very good person.

I have dentures now too, and I can already see the sags and creases in one cheek. Yeah I know. Why only one? No idea. I have age spots trying to form on only one side as well. Those will be taken care of soon. I will not have those nasty things on my face.

Some of this is fairly ironic considering I don't color my hair or shave. Then again, I have very little that could be shaved anyway as I have virtually no hair anywhere on my body especially my arms and legs. I have always considered shaving a waste of time and energy. If I were a man I would probably have a beard.

Anyway I'm off to bed. I'm tired. I spent quite a bit of time today cutting down a huge thatch of blackberry vines in the yard. I'll finish up the job tomorrow as well as having to cut up the vines I cut down and get them into the yard waste bin. I can't believe I got as much done as I did. This was a big patch and now it's reduced to odds and ends to be taken care of another day. Tomorrow will be busy.

Busy Busy Day

2007-04-30T15:32:00.000-07:00

It's been busy around here today. I went to Home Depot's garden center and found every single one of the plants for my garden this year. They are now sitting in the ground feeling smug and happy about being so wanted. There are tomatoes (large, roma, and cherry), cucumbers, zucchini, jalapenos, bell peppers, broccoli, and brussel sprouts. They look sort of lonely at the moment because they are so teensy and spaced out in the garden. However, if they grow as they should, the garden will soon be lush and green and in a short time will begin producing.

I got a few flowers and will plant another hanging basket in the morning. I'm way too tired to do it at the moment. I still have to plant some more nasturtiums. A few came up, but not nearly enough to make a pot. The sweet peas, however, all sprouted despite being nearly drowned, and they are happy and plentiful. I have several other things planted and am hoping some of it comes up. I want flowers.

I also promised my daughter I would mop the kitchen and I got that done as well. I was supposed to go get gas for the mower and for my car plus make a small Costco run but my get up and go got up and went. I'm just too tired to do it right now. I just want to read a while and bask in the knowledge that I actually got a lot done today. I was slow and methodical, I admit, but it is done and done right too.

My daughter's dog is on my list. He is liable to be there for a long time after this morning. He wanted to go out and I let him into the back yard. Then I had to go to the bathroom myself, and in the time it took me to do that he moved the plywood and rocks blocking his way, all but tore the metal siding off the house and escaped under the house and out the front. When I tried to get him he ran back under the house and hid. He came out a second time, and would have gotten entirely away had he not been stupid enough to bark at something. As a result, until someone can make some very heavy duty repairs out back, he will be on a sliding run with a pinch collar every single time he goes outside for the next couple of months. It's the second time in as many days he's managed to get out and I was forced to chase him. Right how he's in the living room being careful not to annoy me any futher.

A Soft Moment

2007-04-29T19:07:00.000-07:00

I had one of those "awwww" moments yesterday afternoon. On of my daughter's friends came by to introduce us to her new puppy. It is a six week old British bulldog. He had cute down to a science and I got to hold him for a while. What a little sweetie. I realize he'll grow up to be this huge ugly dog, but at that moment when he was snuggled up on my chest he was cuteness personified.

Susan's girl dog isn't doing well on the anti-cancer drug she is on. I sincerely wonder if she'd going to make it much longer. Susan is talking about getting a new puppy in a couple of months. First of course we have to have her current male dog evaluated by a trainer. It's my humble opinion that he will never adapt to another dog in the house. The only reason he adapted to the two other dogs who lived here was because they were here first and all of them were puppies. He's older now and has no patience as well as being jealous. We will see, I guess.

But for a few minutes yesterday I couldn't stop smiling. It really doesn't take much to make me happy. A warm puppy does it every time.

Update

2007-04-29T10:25:00.000-07:00

It has been a while since I posted here. I've been stressed and busy. Not a really good combination. I think that the hemorrhaging of money has finally abated. It's been a very expensive last two months. I have one more sort of close month then six before it gets dicey again. Maybe more; which gives me time to save and ease the burden next time.

The tension around here abated for a while, but is building again. My daughter is out of jail but is still on two months of home detention which allows her to go only to work and back. That means all the errands, grocery shopping, local bill paying, etc. falls to me. I don't mind I guess because it does get me out of the house from time to time.

Susan has broken up with her girlfriend......again. It's the fifth time I think. As with all the other times it probably won't last. At least this time the girlfriend is doing everything in her power to keep Susan mad and unhappy with her, so maybe it will work this time for good. The thing is that the girlfriend is a convicted felon and if she were living here, then Susan would not have been let out of jail until the cops had cleared her out. The past four or five days have been miserable with constant wrangling and arguing. Every time they break up the girlfriend instantly finds another person to date......not really but that's what she claims. There really aren't that many single lesbians working at the local Taco Time I don't think. She's also helped by making promises and breaking them, and lying and stealing.

I had a very long talk with my sleep doctor on Thursday. The news from the last test wasn't all that good. It confirmed exactly what I told them: I generally fall asleep relatively quickly, then wake up repeatedly all night. He's pretty much at a loss as to what to do next since the sleeping pills the other doctor prescribed for me don't work. They do help me on those few nights a month when I have trouble falling asleep, but do nothing about me waking up repeatedly all night. I'm not sure where we're going next. I guess I'll just wait and see.

Today should be the most fun you can have standing up. The girlfriend is coming over to get the last of her things so there is no reason for her to come back to the house. We have to have the locks changed because she is lying and saying she has never had a key to the house. I know that to be untrue since I had the key made and handed it to her myself.

On the upside, I've got a lot of stuff done toward the garden. The pots of flowers I thought drowned out have decided to show their heads now that the weather is turning warmer, so I can now identify which is which. I may have to plant a few more nasturtiums as the number managing to survive seem too few for a good pot of flowers. On the other hand, the sweet peas are abundant and should be beautiful. I got one of the hanging planters replanted for this year, and planted columbine, pansies, and some lilies in one of the flower beds.

I am going to be going to Home Depot again soon to pick up tomato plants, which are all the veggies that the garden center has out yet. We're going to put two in huge pots on the porch with tomato cages, and two of the really big ones in the garden, also in cages. We learned our lesson last year with regard to not staking them up from day one.

The rest of the garden will go in across the month of May. We're keeping it simple this year as much of what I planted last year didn't grow. Susan and I have decided to re-establish the flower bed that used to be along the side of the house. We're not sure yet all that we're putting in it, but it will be a bit at a time thing. One thing is going to be dwarf lilacs. I can't wait on that one. We're also considering putting in a cute little bed around the mailbox just because it looks great. From there we'll just wing it.

So far things with the garden are going well. We'll see.

This Whole Diet Thing

2007-04-13T13:22:00.000-07:00

Since I went to the doctor earlier this week, I have been thinking a lot about this whole diet thing. I suppose I should start off by stating I no longer diet. Not for any reason. I pretty much ruined my metabolism when I was young with one extended starvation diet after another. I have literally lost entire people, but they always seem to find their way back and they always bring friends.

Some time a few years ago, I made the decision to never diet again. I have lived with that since and am happy with the decision. The funny thing is that over the past two years or so I've lost 40 pounds. No; you may not look at my butt and tell me: "I think I found it."

What I did was change my entire philosophy regarding eating. Now this is a very long process and it involves a lot of trial and error. I started as I do with everything I do, with extensive research and reading. I considered and rejected a number of eating plans, popular and totally insane.

So what did I finally settle on? Gradual changes. One at a time. Nothing dramatic. The principles were simple. First and foremost, I can and will eat anything I want when I want it in any amount I wish. Just knowing that is so freeing. It allows me to eat smaller amounts of rich or fattening food and be totally satisfied. After all, it's not as if I can't have all I want any time I want; so for some reason that means I am satisfied with less.

I started making some logical substitutes in my diet. I bought hard wheat pasta because it contains more fiber, is digested much more slowly, and I eat less of it and stay fuller over time. I started eating more vegetables and fruits. I have a decided advantage over most people in that I rarely eat pastries, garbage such as chips and sodas, or fast food in the first place. I don't care for most processed food and I avoid eating things with preservatives and additives if I possibly can without being fanatical about it. I eat low fat salad dressings because I personally cannot tell the difference between them and the full fat varieties so I save calories. I won't touch low or non fat milk, cream cheese, or sour cream. I have made the decision to eat less of the real thing than a lot of something that tastes roughly like library paste. Old library paste at that. And yes, as a kid I did eat it so I do know what it tastes like.

I began reducing my portions. Not because I thought I was being virtuous, but rather because I was satisfied with less. The result has been a steadily increasing weight loss with no feeling of deprivation. Sewmouse has been nagging me. Ok to be fair so has my doctor. What about? Exercise. I am fond of saying that any time I get an urge to exercise, I just lay down for a while and it goes away. But they are both right. Given my limited mobility (I have sciatica, exercise-induced asthma, and very bad knees) I have to find things I can do. Both the doctor and Sewmouse have recommended doing five minutes of exercise at a time. That would still grow into 30 minutes 4 times a week over time as I do more of the five minute segments. *sigh*

So where am I going with this? Nowhere really. I'm not really trying to lose weight though the changes I am making apparently are doing that anyway. I already have low blood pressure and low cholesterol, so that's not a problem either. I'm disgustingly healthy for the most part. I think for once I am doing this for all the right reasons. I no longer think I can starve myself into being acceptable to men and frankly I don't give a rat's ass about that any more anyway. I put that behind me quite a few years ago. I simply want to be healthier and make my life that much easier. I like the way I eat. I don't eat stuff I don't like. I refuse. Life (no matter how long) is too short to waste by eating garbage and pretending it's caviar.

So this week I start exercising a bit at a time as weather and my own pig-headedness allows. I begin a program of meditation. I am currently in another sleep study thing, and I have a bottle of sleeping pills that I've waited since half past forever to get my hands on. Ironically I cannot take them right now because of the sleep study. But that will be over next Wednesday. I am doing some research into acupuncture for insomnia. We have an acupuncturist within half a mile of the house I could go to if it's affordable and if I find any evidence it works.

Time marches on. I found a new produce market yesterday. Great buys on great stuff. I am making barbecue sauce at the moment for the chicken tonight. We'll have it with salad and grilled asperagus. Oh yes, did I forget to mention the fresh lemon meringue pie?

A Day at the Doctor

2007-04-11T14:59:00.000-07:00

Today I went to see my doctor again. It's about this sleep problem. We talked. I'm doing a lot of stuff right, including continuing to lose weight. Another four pounds this time. That's like 8 pounds in a month or so.

He suggested that I read a book that includes 5 minute exercise programs. I know I am going to have to get into that. I just don't like the pain and the wheezing and choking. Maybe breaking it down in five minute segments will help that some. He also suggested I begin my meditation. I have finished reading the book but had not actually started. I will do that tonight before going to bed. He also said that on those nights I wake up for more than 20 minutes, I have to get up and go out into the living room. I have to do something I find boring, like folding clothes, doing dishes, or something else of that nature.

He also gave me sleeping pills. We went for the mildest and those least likely to ever be addicting. He will watch it closely since I am worried about the addiction bit no matter how well they might work otherwise.

Seems lady luck was smiling. Just an hour or so before I was due to leave the house for the Dr. appointment, I got a call from the optometrist (which is in the same building) and my glasses were ready, so I made two trips in one. Saved gas.

Tomorrow I have to burn more gas though. I have to drive down to Redmond to the Group Health hospital there and pick up this bracelet thingie for another sleep test. I may have to put off taking my sleeping pills for a time if I'm doing a sleep test as it could throw off the results. On the way back I have to stop and pay the mortgage payment. Again I will be combining two stops in one and if I time it right I will be able to stop at a place I love for some Thai for lunch. That will make the entire day worth while.

So I'm continuing to take care of my health and getting all the things fixed that I have had to let go for so long because I had no insurance. I suppose sometime after everything is better for Susan I will go in and see about having this hernia repaired. More fun.

I've been talking to Susan today about the garden. It's fun to begin making plans for flowers, shrubs, and bulbs and things. We will have a pretty yard and lots of flowers one of these days. I am taking it one step at a time. That seems wisest. A bit here and a bit there and things get done. This week I've already dug up and dumped 5 small buckets full of dandelions. Of course you cannot tell that by looking, but It's true nonetheless. Sometime after the 21st I will start acquiring plants for the vegetable garden for this year. I'm thinking of putting Marigolds in it to keep the slugs and cutworms out or at least down to a few. They hate them for some reason.

A New Push for Immigration Reform

2007-04-09T10:09:00.001-07:00

Mr. Bush and congress have apparently begun a new push for what they call real immigration reform. While their positions still are far apart, they are much closer than they were originally. The plans I’ve seen have many major flaws as yet, but parts of them might be workable with some tweaking.

The article on CNN today explains the changes congress is proposing:

“The plan would grant work visas to undocumented immigrants but require them to return home and pay hefty fines to become legal U.S. residents. They could apply for three-year work visas, dubbed "Z" visas, which would be renewable indefinitely but cost $3,500 each time.

The undocumented workers would have legal status with the visas, but to become legal permanent residents with a green card, they'd have to return to their home country, apply at a U.S. embassy or consulate to re-enter legally and pay a $10,000 fine.

That's far more restrictive than the bipartisan bill the Senate approved last year.

So far, Bush has only gotten part of what he wants -- border legislation. He signed a bill last October authorizing 700 additional miles of fencing along the U.S.-Mexico border.”

While this is better than the Senate bill from last year, it’s still far from ideal and does not take into account many factors that will steeply escalate the cost to the American taxpayer. The one thing I see in it that I do like is that the so-called “touchback” provision that was being floated recently is modified. Before all an illegal immigrant would have to do is step across the border and back across to fulfill the requirement that they leave the country. Now they have to go home and apply and pay a fine.

The White House has also suggests that we “redirect as many as 50,000 visas that take into account factors such as an immigrant's education, training, and language skills as well as the employment needs of the country.” This is a small step in the right direction, but it needs to be many more than the proposed 50,000. Currently most visas are granted because the applicant has a family member who is already here legally. It does not take education, language skills, or employability into account.

People who support unrestricted legal immigration are fond of pointing out that the United States is a nation of immigrants and that many people’s parents and grandparents came to this country as immigrants. This argument simply is not valid today. Fifty or a hundred years ago education was not as critical a success factor as it is today. It was entirely possible to own a home and raise a family on the salary of a janitor or some other low-skilled laborer with only one adult in the family working. This is not possible today. Also, those coming here from other countries then generally had learning the language as a top priority, which is also different from many of today’s illegal immigrants who expect those here to learn their languages as opposed to them learning ours.

A recent report on immigration says that each illegal immigrant family costs the country $2700/year above and beyond what it contributes back in taxes. In 2002 cost was $10.4 billion a year. Two-thirds of illegal immigrants today lack a high school education. If granted amnesty, the report estimates that the cost of providing social services, would increase to $7,700 per year per family for a cost of $29 billion because while tax payments would rise by 77% the drain on social programs would rise by 118%. It is important to consider too that these costs are predicated on 2002 costs.

Another important factor to consider when addressing the drain on social programs is that legal immigrants sign up their children at a much greater rate to programs such as Medicaid than do illegals (even if their children are legal) out of fear of being caught and deported. These will rise dramatically when the illegals can legally apply to these programs.

You can read the entire report here:

http://www.cis.org/articles/2004/fiscal.html

Some other factors to consider in regard to this new push for “comprehensive” immigration reform is that it’s been tried before and the government is amazingly adept at conveniently “forgetting” clauses in the law that require strict enforcement of laws against hiring illegals, stringent border security, a non-forgeable identification card for legal immigrants, and other such tightening of the laws. Just as with the H-1B visa program which is approving visas at a rate four times that authorized by congress, this new amnesty measure is sure to be abused as there is no will to enforce the other more stringent clauses in the law. Mr. Reagan’s famous amnesty program proves this clearly. There were many parts of that law that were simply ignored, such as enforcing the rules against hiring illegals, once the amnesty was granted.

Without a real commitment to stringent enforcement, this bill will do nothing but flood the country with millions of illegal immigrants who are under-educated and who cannot or will not assimilate as did the other waves of immigrants to this country. Remember too that gang members, crooks, drug runners, and other criminals will not register. Given the costs and the requirements that the illegal return to their own country to apply for the new Z visa, it’s not hard to predict that the majority of illegals here at the moment will not register to become legal either. Thus we will simply be beginning another cycle leading to another big amnesty bill, with no real progress being made toward really securing our borders.

The key to solving this problem, no matter where we come down on the amnesty portion, is stringent enforcement of our existing immigration laws. It is only when we dry up the jobs for illegals and inpose severe penalties for those who break the laws (illegals and employers alike) that we stand any chance at all of actually solving this problems. Mr. Reagan proved that just granting blanket amnesty and turning a blind eye to the other provisions just perpetuates the problem.

Spring

2007-04-06T13:30:00.000-07:00

It is spring. Normally that doesn't mean a lot to me as one season is pretty much like another other than for what I might choose to wear.

This past month, however, has been extremely stressful an expensive for me, and expensive is also stressful. My daughter is currently serving jail time for drunk driving. She has allowed her sometimes violent girlfriend to remain in the house, and while said girlfriend has been good it's one of those shoes to drop situations. Her ex is getting remarried and that caused stress. Since she and the girlfriend cannot drive, I've been doing a lot more of that as well, though they have been reimbursing me for gas.

The money thing is just ridiculous this month. It started out with my car needing $750 worth of repairs and an oil change. Then my hard drive went out and my printer put its little electronic legs into the air and expired. I had to buy a new security suite for the computer.

In the mail came my yearly renewals for my car insurance and also for my Costco membership, both at the same time.

Next I had to get new glasses. Another $250+ down the drain since I need special lenses and stuff. That is cheap by the way compared to what I usually pay, but the insurance took care of a pile of it.

Yesterday my sister tells me she's been in an accident and needs $1800 to get the car fixed so she and two of her kids can continue going to work. Today the medical place calls and tells me replacing my CPAP machine is going to cost me $146. I'm just monied out. My stress levels started hitting critical range.

So yesterday I went out and spent $60 I really cannot afford. Why would I do that, you ask? Well, I need some relief from the stress. For me, that means gardening. So I bought some plants (8 I think), some dirt, a weeder for dandelions, and a few packages of easy to grow seeds. The weather here is bright and sunny and in the 70s. So this morning I went out and with help got the herb garden tub moved where it belongs. Then I murdered an entire bucket of dandelions. I dug up everything in the herb garden, tossing what was dead, being nice to what survived. Then I added nice new dirt and replanted the good ones along with the three extra ones I bought yesterday. I also realized I needed gloves about the fourth or fifth time I had to dig dirt out from under my nails. I also need grass seed to compete with the murdered remains of the dandelions. Then I emptied out one of the porch planters so I could plant pansies. I have this pretty new planter full of blue and white pansies.

Today's gardening is over and I feel much more relaxed as a result. So what's next? Well, tomorrow I will make a run to get the gloves and the grass seed. I'll also fill up the pots I bought (really cheap on sale) and will plant nasturtium, sweetpeas, and a wildlife blend of seeds. I have a leftover big pot from last year. That gets some columbines. After that I am almost done for this time. I'll plant two bulbs I have in the house, and see if they grow as well.

In a couple of weeks the main garden goes in. We're being a bit more circumspect this year and will mainly grow stuff we do does well in our climate. Next year, and yes I'm already planning, we will have spring bulbs (planted this fall), and then late summer and fall bulbs (planted later in the year). And my daughter has promised I get my lilac bush before the end of the year.

Gardening relaxes me. It is exercise with a purpose. It doesn't make demands and doesn't talk back. It just does what you want sometimes. It gives me a feeling of accomplishment like nothing else I know of. Best of all it forces me to go outside into the sunshine.

I have to go now. I am taking the dogs to visit my daughter. The garden has begun.

Another Week

2007-03-31T14:43:00.000-07:00

Well, another week is in the books. It wasn't any more or less successful than any number of other such weeks, I guess. Tomorrow makes a full week since my daughter started serving her time for drunk driving. It's only been a week and already the bureaucracy, the petty hassles, the incompetence, and other such things are making her vow to never go back. I hope she is right.

I got back into my routine a bit more solidly, writing and quilting most days. I had a somewhat major setback when I discovered that the directions for making my afghan were totally wrong. This is going to necessitate pulling out and redoing an entire afghan. *sigh* Not only does this interfere with my schedule for ensuring all my things are done by the end of the year, but it's just a royal pita in general. After experimenting for several hours I've discovered a work-around that should work. To be sure, I will have to make eight of the small pieces and sew them together. Thus far I have two of them done.

I added some me time to my routines these days. That includes using lotion on rough spots on my legs, making sure I use my face moisturizer and other things like that daily. That includes a night cream. I'm already seeing some improvement. I've been pretty careless and getting older means more not less care.

I'm considering installing my story building software on my laptop computer. It would give me a nice safe place to store ideas, and would be easier to work on there than in my room where it gets pretty cold at times.

I got the results from my sleep study day before yesterday. Everything is just fine. The machine I use for sleep is calibrated correctly and nothing needs to be changed. Of course that does nothing to ensure that I sleep. So I sent my sleep doctor a note asking what the next steps are. I should hear back early next week and we'll see.

So as I said, it's yet another week. Nothing much going on.

Politics

2007-03-26T14:35:00.000-07:00

Politics are getting interesting again, especially for a Monday morning. First we get this out of the Justice Department: An official there has said that if she is subpoenaed to testify in the Federal Attorney firing brouhaha she will take the fifth. That's an absolutely astounding and utterly interesting position since the White House swears on a stack of bibles that nothing illegal took place. I wonder what she knows that's so bad it could send her to jail if she were to openly tell the truth about it. I equally wonder how many other people know equally damaging stuff in this case.

What amazes me repeatedly about this whole thing is that there was supposedly nothing illegal about the president exercising his prerogative to fire federal attorneys. He didn't have to give any explanation to the public beyond the fact that it was his prerogative to do so and he was using it. That's been the case with every other president. Why then did this administration have to make up a pack of lies, and bad lies at that, which impugned the integrity of the attorneys being fired? Why couldn't they have just said the president wanted them replaced and let it go at that? What is it about this administration that has to make cloak and dagger out of something this simple?

The next thing to hit the political fan today is the outlines of the new Comprehensive Immigration policy that the congress is beginning to consider. It has some good stuff, and some really bad stuff in it in about equal portions. The good thing would be a legal immigrant database; the bad thing is that it would be administered by the Department of Homeland Security. I cannot imagine a more incompetent group to do something this important. A good thing would be more Immigration officials and Border Patrol, as well as a completed fence and observation devices; the bad thing is that they would be issuing six-year visas to illegals without requiring them to go home first. I understand that this part would also be without background, security, or criminal background checks.

The next good thing would be stricter harsher penalties for those hiring illegals; the bad is again it's under the Bush administration and Department of Homeland security. If Mr. Bush runs immigration policy the way he runs the war in Iraq, we might just as well turn over the keys to the country to Mexico now and abdicate our citizenship.

The nothing but bad thing is amnesty at the end of six years and a place at the head of the line for permanent resident or citizenship status. I don't know if there is a language requirement, but I know that there is a background and criminal check at this time, a few light fines, and the payment of back taxes. What they don't have to do is leave and apply from their home countries then wait for the paperwork to be processed which is what legal immigrants must do. These people would be required to leave, but that "leave" would mean as little as walking across the border at Juarez and then immediately turning around and walking back. They would then be allowed to live in this country while waiting for their paperwork to be processed which takes years under the most ideal circumstances. Meanwhile those who apply from outside the country must wait there all those years while those who snuck across the border and broke the law reap benefits from doing so.

The other questionable part of this plan is expansion of the legal, low-skilled labor program which currently allows about 5,000 of these people to come here legally if sponsored by a business with a job for them. This would expand to 400,000 a year. I don't have any details on how long they're allowed to stay here, etc.

As I said, it's been such a heavy news day that even Anna Nichole's autopsy is getting scant play on the news.

May you live in interesting times

2007-03-25T10:04:00.000-07:00

I feel that pretty much defines my life right now. "Interesting" in terms that are not particularly fun or easy. I am thinking of ways to unstress. If stress were money I would be richer than Bill Gates at the moment. Unfortunately, because of promises I've made and my own peculiar brand of loyalty, I'm tied into the situation for at least another 3-4 months. After that things will have to change, if I don't have a heart attack from the stress first.

I am working on reducing the stress somewhat. For instance, I begin a program of meditation tonight just before I go to bed. Tomorrow I will be going to the doctor and from there to the Senior Center where I hope to enroll in a Tai Chi class that I think begins either next week or the week after. Meets twice a week for a month or two and teaches basic forms. It is followed by an intermediate course. I'm hoping these two changes will reap some benefits. For the near term I am also looking into getting a massage because I really loved the one I have had before and it left me all relaxed and noodly (precise scientific term) for hours.

I am a bit worried about my ability to handle such enormous loads of stress which is why I am doing these things. I've had several days recently where I've had periods where I felt disassociated and as if I were viewing the world through a long tunnel. Everything was slowed down. Now I grant you this could just be exhaustion brought on by the fact I rarely get sufficient sleep or anything even vaguely related to it. I'm working on that as well having seen a doctor twice now about it. I will be returning to the sleep specialist when the results of the latest tests are in.

Right now, however, I am sitting in my room with the door closed. I refuse to be a part of the current ongoing drama unfolding outside the confines of this room. It's early but I may just go to bed and take a nap. I skipped breakfast rather than be out there. I have no energy to play WoW and left the last of my afghan pieces out next to my chair. Don't feel like doing that right now anyway. Later when everyone leaves I'll go finish the last square and maybe even begin sewing them together.

Sleep would be nice. I don't care that I've only been out of bed a few hours.

Working on Changes

2007-03-21T20:41:00.000-07:00

Sewmouse has inspired me to try to get better organized so I can actually do the things I want to do. I have managed to begin some things. I'm going to the doctor about my sleep problems and intend to keep with it until they find something that works. Yesterday I completed a five day, at-home sleep study, so am waiting for the end results of that.

I intend to go to the Senior Center in town either tomorrow or the next day and see not only what they have there that I might enjoy but also see if there is anything I might contribute as well. Sew has suggests a Tai Chi class which I have been looking into for quite some time. I guess I am still not entirely sure I could do it.

Another thing I have been doing faithfully is to work on my afghans. I finished making the last piece of the current one tonight and will begin piecing it together tomorrow. By Monday or so it will be finished and I can mail it off to its intended recipient. It's a wedding present for my sister/niece. Don't ask. That's an entirely different story. I'll post a picture here when it's done. That will leave four more to complete before Christmas.

There are three more things I need to add to my do every day list. The first is write on my story. Half an hour by the clock every single day. The second is work on the quilt I'm making for my son and daughter in law. Another half an hour every day while I listen to the news and drink coffee in the morning. What a perfect way to start a day. The final thing is to make a list of five things to do around either the house or the yard, then do them.

This is way more than enough for right now. When they become habits that are not slacked off on, I'll find other things. For instance, I have an appointment on Monday to have a thorough eye exam. It's possible I will be a candidate for cataract surgery one of these days soon. I know I have them; I just need to see how much worse they've become in the past year and a half. I know they are worse. I can see it.

I do plan to post here more often. On Thursday or Friday it will be about what I'm doing and my progress toward meeting my goals. On Sunday or Monday it will be about politics or something else that interests me personally. If I have other things then there are other days.

What a Shock

2007-03-10T11:50:00.000-08:00

As with many older folks, I remember Van Halen as a great rock band. Eddie was the heart of the band; young, handsome, and enormously talented. I was shocked to find this picture of him today. I guess this is what a lifetime of hard drug use does to you.

I admit I'm horrified. I can't see any of the old Eddie VanHalen in this picture. I see a man who looks years older than me and utterly dissipated. It's really sad.

It's Going to be a Long Night

2007-03-09T22:24:00.000-08:00

You can count on that. My daughter and I are both up and are both waiting for her former girlfriend to show up and try to break into the house. The woman is roaring shitfaced drunk and wants to get to my daughter. Right now she's out trying to find my daughter, but I warned her and she ran from where she was and came home. The doors are bolted and we're just waiting for all hell to break loose. My daughter is on the telephone with the police right now finding out what we have to do should she manage to break in. We know the door will hold as she's tried to kick that in before, but there are big glass windows.

We know she will come back here because she has nowhere else to go. All of her friends have given up on her erratic behavior. This all started earlier in the day. My daughter got another DUI and has been going through all the court stuff. Later this month she will be serving some jail time as well. The only really good news besides work release is that my daughter found out today that she will be able to get a provisional license that allows her to drive to and from work as soon as her jail time is over. This woman recently lost her license after she got busted for driving while on a suspended license. Seems she got stopped some months back and got a ticket (which she never paid) for driving without insurance. She's furious that my daughter gets her provisional license (she paid her fines, etc.) so she went out and got drunk, came back here, and things went to hell.

My daughter left to avoid a fight. Then this mess started. Right now this woman is in a nearby bar getting progressively drunker and drunker and and talking more and more violence. This has happened before. This time I am hoping my daughter is serious and doesn't just change her mind. I no longer trust the woman after some things she said to me, and after she tried to pick a fight with me. I refused to fight, telling her I'd be happy to talk to her later when she is sober. She left and later told people I had "gone off on her." Hell, I don't raise my voice to my daughter, much less to this woman. Then she called me a liar which buried it as far as I am concerned.

The police just left. The officer says there isn't much we can do, but if she tries to break down the door we are to call him and he'll come back immediately. He'll be in the area until 6 in the morning, so it should be ok other than for the upset. At least I hope so. We can't even lock ourselves in the back room. While I was talking Susan to a safe place, she kicked in the door and ruined the lock there. I have a hunch I'll get precious little sleep tonight.

Sleep

2007-02-27T07:30:00.000-08:00

Today's the day. My appointment at the sleep clinic is only a few hours away. Actually I've got two appointments. One will have them check out the machine I use, the other one will be with the doctor.

I don't expect much to happen today as these are first appointments. I've been to sleep clinics repeatedly for years and they've not been able to actually help me sleep, but we'll see. There are lots of things they could do including trying sleeping pills to break the cycle of non-sleep. It will be interesting to see if something actually gets done. Still, a bit of hope is better than none, so I'm looking forward to going there.

With any luck, given the timing of the visit, I should be done and home without hitting too much of the commute. The traffic around here is awful and the area where I will be driving is one of the worst in the nation. On the other hand, I've driven it for years so I'm used to it.

I'm going prepared to have to wait a while between visits, but that's ok too. The actual appointments are an hour apart. That's not all that bad.

Miscellaneous Things

2007-02-18T08:32:00.000-08:00

I haven't been posting here much. Mainly I'm busy and dealing with a lot of stress at the moment. Also, I'm posting a lot more in an area called gather.com. It has literally hundreds of discussion groups. My current favorite is the politics one which should come as no surprise to anyone. What I am proud of, given that the group has over 30,000 members is that I've had things I've posted as their front-page feature three times in the past ten days. I have some aspirations toward being a political blogger that people actually listen to, so this definitely doesn't hurt.

I'm making good progress with my current afghan (a Christmas present for my sister) and also on the quilt for my son. I had a small setback there yesterday because I wasn't paying attention and had to rip out a bunch of quilting so the area would lay flat. There is an order in which you must do these things and I didn't do that. Voila! Bunched up mess.

Some of you know that I also play an online game called WoW. It used to be fun, but the real world is intruding to such an extent that it's more of a chore to log on than it is fun to play. I have one low-level character I'm still having fun with, but I have to go play my main as well since in a few levels (well ok six huge levels) she gets to fly on her own like a bird. Actually as a bird. That will be such a kick. I haven't logged her on in like three days to do more than check mail.

I've been doing one thing this week that is helping with all the stress. I've begun making a list of all the things I have to be thankful for. The common ones and the not so common ones. It really does help to keep things in perspective.

My Latest Effort

2007-02-06T10:59:00.000-08:00

This is my latest effort. I always have one project or another going. It's simply a part of who I am and what I do. I can't sit still without having a project in my hands.

This year I will be making something for virtually everyone on my Christmas list, plus two or three other things I've promised one person or another. I like this pattern because I like knitting to begin with, but also because it looks a lot more complicated than it actually is. The best part is that it's knitted in narrow strips so there are only 24 stitches on the needles at any one time.

I have already located the materials for the next one. After that is an afghan for my sister, another for my daughter's ex-husband's sister, another for my daughter's ex-husband's girlfriend, and possibly one for a couple of other people. Well, one very very involved one for one special person, and a much easier, but fairly flashy one for another person.

This does not include finishing a queen sized quilt and making a quilted computer carrying case. That should keep my hands busy for a bit.

I done good

2007-02-02T18:08:00.000-08:00

It's sort of coincidental that my friend Sewmouse published a piece on finding books for her family that meant a lot to them when they were younger.

My son's birthday was the 31st. When we were talking he mentioned how much he wanted to find his two favorite children's books so he could read the books he loved to his daughter. I promised him I would look, but to be honest they were kid's books from 30 or more years ago. The odds were not good. Or so I thought.

Bright and early the next day I started my search. Almost immediately I found the first of the two books. I ordered it on Amazon.com and it began winging its way to him. I sent him an email telling him I had found it.

Unfortunately I had no luck with the second book. Then quite by accident, while typing something into an email, I discovered I was spelling piranha wrong. I was leaving out the "h". I typed it into a Google search and almost immediately got a number of hits, one of which gave me the author's name, the publisher, and the date it was published. Armed with that and crossed fingers, I hit Amazon again. Immediate success. That one is on its way to him as well. Both should arrive within a day or two of one another.

I felt so good being able to do that. I remember these books from when David was just a child. I remember his laugh as he read them over and over. Now I have been able to help out and see that his daughter enjoys the very same books he so loved as a kid. That makes me happy.

Talk about a miscarriage of justice

2007-01-31T14:13:00.000-08:00

I was listening to the radio on the way home from the store when this story came on. I was fuming by the end and still am. There is a woman in the Seattle area. She used to have three kids. A baby, a kid a bit over one year old, and one two and a half. She and the babies' father are not living together. When he didn't hear from her for quite a long time, he went over to where she lived.

He found her passed out drunk on the couch with over 330 beer cans tossed around a filthy room. Two of the children, the younger two, were dead of malnutrition and neglect. The third was barely alive and may be brain damaged.

Today the prosecutor announced that she's unfit to stand trial and dropped all charges. She will go to the state funny farm for a year or two, then more likely than not will be released to carry on her life, a thing she denied two of her three children. Whatever happened to personal responsibility? She chose to drink like that. She chose to not feed or care for those children. Yet she walks. If she wanted to drink herself to death she could at least have seen to it that the children were safe. She chose not to, and chose to let them die.

To say I'm really angry is putting it mildly.

Why Women Don't Sew Any More

2007-01-30T09:06:00.000-08:00

When I was growing up, a lot of women sewed. We made clothes for ourselves and our kids, made stuff for the house, etc. It was cheaper and stuff fit better. I was a particularly good seamstress and for two summers was actually paid to sew costumes for a university's summer theater program. That was one of the most fun times of my life because I love live theater, always have. Working and living in the world of the theater for two summers was magical for me.

I've probably mentioned elsewhere that it's cold where I am. Of late I've been considering picking up a pattern and sewing myself a couple of flannel slips to wear under my skirts for warmth. They would sew up fast. Fabric is still a good buy in most places, so it seemed like a good idea. Yesterday I finally got to my local Joann's Fabrics, and I discovered why women don't sew any more. They can't afford to. Patterns for the simplest things cost around $16, while the really fancy stuff is more. It's simply cheaper to buy whatever you want ready made and alter it to fit. Add to that the fact that most of the pattern catalogs don't even carry undergarments like slips any more, and you can see why I say it's just not worth it. I can buy a slip such as I want for under $20 online. It would cost me almost that for the pattern if they had them. That's ridiculous.

A Disturbing Mindset

2007-01-29T09:39:00.000-08:00

There is a new vaccine on the market. It protects girls and women against cervical cancer and genital warts that are caused by a specific set of viruses. The tests show that it will prevent 70% of all cervical cancers and 90% of genital warts. Both of these conditions are passed on by sexual contact.

To be most effective, the girls have to be vaccinated before they become sexually active. Once a woman is sexually active, the vaccine still offers considerable protection, but not as great as when the girls are vaccinated around the age of nine.

You would think that people would be doing handsprings that this terrible disease has become manageable. In some instances, however, this is not the case. There is a vocal group out there who don't want the vaccine even offered because they fear it will "encourage young women to be sexually promiscuous". I admit I don't even begin to understand why someone would deny this unarguably life-saving vaccination to their own children, much less want to see it denied to every other child.

If the argument were that the drug has no long term studies for its safety or that the side effects are not well known as yet, I would acknowledge that those are both valid reasons to take a wait and see attitude. Many of us remember a drug called DES which was given to pregnant women to prevent miscarriages. Over time it became evident that while the drug indeed prevented miscarriages, it also exposed female children born to those mothers to an inordinately high incidence of cervical cancer.

What I find mind boggling is that there are parents out there who would see their own daughters die or become permanently sterile by a preventable disease for no other reason than as a punishment for having sex before marriage. This same argument was offered against the birth control pill where the threat of an unwanted pregnancy was punishment for not heeding the warnings against premarital sex. I find such narrow minded focus to be utterly incomprehensible. Yes. Abstinence is undoubtedly the best path for the majority of youngsters for a variety of reasons. It is, however, unrealistic to expect to terrorize them into abstaining. This sort of mindset and control has to come from within not be imposed from without. The biggest thing is that it begs off recognizing human nature, rape, incest, and a number of other factors.

Simply put, sometimes people don't think rationally and young people often exhibit poor judgment and do things that they really shouldn't do. They are impulsive and thoughtless. We can curb this tendency in our children to some extent, but not entirely. The consequences of such actions should not be death or an unwanted pregnancy. Pregnancy should never be viewed as a punishment. I also defy anyone, religious or not, to tell me why one bad decision should condemn a girl to a long, slow, painful death. What these people seem to be saying is that they would prefer to see their daughters die from cervical cancer than risk that she might have premarital sex and have the punishment element removed. Further, they are saying that no only should their own daughters be exposed to the risk of dying from this preventable disease, but that everyone else's daughter should as well. I find this to be a disturbing mindset.

Pressure and Stress

2007-01-26T17:34:00.000-08:00

For the past couple of weeks I have been feeling more and more as if I live in a defective pressure cooker. There is pressure from all sides, I feel shut in, and there is no way to let off steam.

I am not a person given to outward displays of bad temper or other acting out. I expect to act as an adult. Since I moved back to Washington I have not made any new friends who actually live close enough to talk to face to face. I have only rarely left the house other than for essential errands for well over a year. Since I don't work and my daughter goes to watch TV in her room or nap I pretty much am existing in total isolation with only the Internet, some good online friends, and a game as outlets.

My daughter has a severe drinking problem and about six weeks or so ago she was pulled over on her second DUI in three years with a blood alcohol level of 2.5 times the legal limit. So we've been living with this. She said she quit drinking, but that's not exactly true I found out recently. As I said, I don't say much. Mainly I don't because she doesn't listen anyway.

When she's drinking she tends to be rude and hyper critical, which means she was bitching at me about minor things when she was talking to me. I mean so minor as leaving my bedroom light on while I went to the bathroom.

Just before this DUI incident, she had a breakup with her then girlfriend that resulted in the girlfriend being arrested and a restraining order issued. The girlfriend, in fact, was the one who goaded my daughter on the phone until Susan lost her temper and took off drunk off her ass to confront her.....and got pulled over and arrested. That part doesn't sound too bad until you know that the girlfriend is back. All is forgiven. *sigh* Again, I have said nothing since nobody would listen anyway.

Today was my daughter's court date. She plead guilty on the advice of her attorney so that the prosecutor would recommend a lighter sentence. It appears now as if she will be sentenced to 45 days in jail with work release for her job, another 30-90 days on home detention (she can only leave the house to go to work). Her license is suspended as of today. In a year she can apply for a provisional license. That means that for an additional two years she can only drive to and from work, and must have a breathalyser installed in the car. If she slips up even once, then it's six months in prison and a very large fine. Probably more because some new laws are about to go into effect.

There are other things of this type that are driving me nuts. Several others. The downside of all of this pressure is that I'm getting by on perhaps 3-4 hours of broken sleep a night and am so exhausted I have no energy for any of the bazillion things I need to be doing every day. I have an appointment at the sleep clinic the end of next month and maybe that will eventually help. I'm considering meditation but don't have a clue as to how to start with that.

The bottom line is that I am tired of being so tired. I want energy to write, and finish my website, and work on my projects. I'd like to feel that the prospect of a walk wouldn't be more energy than I can muster. Even thinking about it takes too much energy. I would love to finish my book and perhaps sell some magazine articles. I want to finish my non-fiction book outline. Right now I am barely eating (a good thing) and feel as if my head is stuffed with cotton. I'm back to having an upset stomach all the time, and a raging headache most of the time. I'm bored and too tired to even care.

Discouraging Day

2007-01-22T11:51:00.000-08:00

This is not starting out to be a good day. I woke up barely able to walk for about the first hour of the day. I had somehow managed to turn onto my back and then lock my knees, resulting in both legs hurting like mad until the circulation finally got restored. They are fine now.

I checked and found that we are nearly out of the wood we will need to heat the house the rest of the winter, so we will have to buy more in order to make it through. Considering that the Social Security people "forgot" to take out my supplemental Medicare insurance premiums for three months, I will be extremely short of money from the end of Feb until the end of March. *sigh*

Then I went out today and spent money I don't really have on a new headset for my computer because I need to be able to talk to my game guild during our dungeon runs. Unfortunately it doesn't work. Well, half of it does. The earphones part. I already have working earphones. Better ones at that. The microphone doesn't work. I am heading out to the website now. Of course there isn't a manual with these things. I can't actually take them back since they came in one of those plastic bubble things you have to destroy to get the damned things out.

I decided to eat garbage for lunch and stopped by Wendy's for a jalapeno burger. They don't make them any more.

I think I will go to bed.

Common Civility

2007-01-17T08:31:00.000-08:00

Whatever happened to common civility? I remember as a child my parents working hard to make sure I had good manners. Adult men did not even swear in the presence of women and children. Using bad language or being intentionally rude could get your mouth washed out with soap.

Today the anonymity people enjoy on the Internet and the political climate in this country seems to have convinced people that civility is no longer a necessary part of any adult's normal personality. It's no longer enough to disagree with someone and explain why. You have to call him or her stupid names and insult their opinions, etc. It's not enough that we formulate stupid names for groups whose philosophies we disagree with, now we have to do it with people as well.

It doesn't make a person look educated, intelligent, informed, or incisive and powerful when they look down their nose at someone else and then express their contempt in rude and derisive terms. More importantly, it doesn't foster a climate in which a genuine exchange of ideas, a sharing of philosophies, compromise, and perhaps better understanding can take place. For that matter, when did the word compromise become a dirty word?

Somewhere along the line we seem to have lost the ability to view those with whom we disagree as fellow human beings who have ideas that don't conform to ours. We see them as the enemy, as stupid, etc. and because they don't agree with us, we ourselves become the very type of person we most abhor in others. We hate people who disagree with us politically and wish them ill or even dead rather than recognizing they simply see things differently. This particularly alarms me because all you have to do is look at militant Islam and the Middle East to see what happens to people when they lose the ability to view people with whom they differ as fellow human beings. Or step closer to home and look at how some people treat gays in public.

I've been watching this trend grow over the years. It's change for certain, but I'm not sure feeling free to call someone stupid, an idiot, etc. is really a step forward.

Hatred and Divisiveness

2007-01-15T19:59:00.000-08:00

The hatred and divisiveness of political discourse these days is really alarming. Not only does it mean hardened positions with no room to maneuver and to compromise when necessary for the common good, it means that each side of an issue doesn't even hear the arguments of the other.

This is the legacy of Watergate, and after George Bush is gone from office, it will almost certainly become his legacy as well. There is no question that since Watergate political divisiveness has grown. When the Republicans with the help of the religious neocons of the far right took power the circle was completed. They went after Bill Clinton with a viciousness never before seen in American politics, even during their worst days. They literally spent tens of millions of dollars chasing any way they could find to bring charges, even trumped up ones. It was a bitter pill for them to swallow in the end when all they could do was see their personification of evil acquitted of lying about a blowjob.

So now we see Mr. Bush. First of all, were the political system not irreparably broken he could never have been president. The far right, however, has successfully driven most men and women who might be superbly qualified for the job out of the arena with their rabid persecutions. A reference to the Swiftboat or the Willie Horton (Bush's dad) ads are excellent examples as is the backlash response of attacking the current Mr. Bush's National Guard record, or more precisely, lack thereof. The man is a product of the elite class. He's never held an honest job in his life that wasn't handed to him through the influence or interdiction of others. He's out of touch with the working and middle classes. He has the arrogance that comes with too much money and too little responsibility and the pig-headedness that accompanies religious neocons who cannot imagine they can possibly be wrong about anything.

And the circle is complete. Only a miracle will break the cycle of hate and retaliation now. The harm caused by Mr. Bush's ill conceived war in Iraq and his incomplete war in Afghanistan will haunt our society for generations as we see or children and grandchildren taxed to pay for them. The failures there and Mr. Bush's squandering of our reputation with the world community will echo for a very long time as well.

We will have another president in just under two years, and he or she will be left to clean up Mr. Bush's mess as someone has cleaned up after him his entire life. The next political campaign will be another vicious cycle of false accusations, personal aspersions, and character assassination. The really qualified people are already distancing themselves, and what remains will be those who can raise a lot of money to buy the election in one way or the other. Once again we'll approach the ballot box not to vote for a candidate who will fill us with confidence and hope, but rather holding our noses and picking the person we think will do the least damage. If we bother going at all.

Web Site

2007-01-13T15:01:00.000-08:00

Well, I've finally gotten off of my ample backside and began work on a new website. I will need it for a lot of things if any of my plans come to fruition this year. Besides, it's good practice....I keep telling myself that as I tear my hair out.

My first decision was to use a template for the site since it has been so very long since I've actually worked on a site. I've built several from the ground up by hand, but I don't really have much imagination where site design is concerned and my stuff frequently resembles something a kid might draw with crayons. I wanted a professional site, so that's what I set out to build.

If you have read any of this blog you already know the story of the infamous boomerang site building book. But it was worth the trouble. Over the past few days I have selected my template and set out to begin constructing the site. That's where the trouble started. Learning where in the code to put everything was a challenge. Knowing how to read the code in the first place helps a lot, but I still had a lot of work. Today I finally finished the last of building the bare bones skeleton for the site. The links work. I like the way it looks, etc. I've decided on content, what goes where, layout, and all that.

Now the real work begins. I will be slowly building the site, page by page of content. There will be dozens (in the end maybe a hundred or so) of pages. Some I have. Some I will create over the next couple of weeks. It is beginning to look good, and that part I love. I'm still tearing out my hair more often than not. But I am also making progress. Right now I have put it all up for the day. I have earned a nap or at least a time to relax with a movie.

UGH!

2007-01-11T10:24:00.000-08:00

Well, the president is out trying to drum up support for his latest non-plan for Iraq. Again he starts with references to 9/11 and transitioned into Iraq as if the two were somehow related. "Leave before the job is done" has apparently replaced "cut and run" as the horror to be avoided. "Stay the course," is nowhere to be heard.

Again he offers platitude after platitude and generality after generality rather than present a real plan with measurable milestones to track progress toward the goal. Of course the "goal" has only been defined as "victory" with absolutely no definition of what that might be or how we can tell when it's accomplished.

He is speaking before a military audience in Ft. Benning, GA, and the response to his remarks is tepid at best. The expressions on the faces of those forced to be there and listen to this tripe says much more about how these people feel than anything they might say if asked by the media.

The saddest thing is that he still refuses to acknowledge that the country has a multitude of other problems that need to be addressed, all of which he has studiously avoided in his mad rush to war. He invokes the boogie man over and over again. He punctuates his comments with a smarmy smile that I'm sure is intended to convey compassion and leadership. It got so irritating and so embarrassing to watch that I came in here to work on my website and to write. It is really sad when our president elicits a cringe of sympathy rather than a surge of confidence and hope.

Update on the continuing Amazon drama

2007-01-09T11:53:00.000-08:00

Some of you may have read my previous post about my frustration with Amazon and a book delivery. Well the saga continues.

Today I got two emails saying that they had sent my sister's Christmas present back because nobody there would accept the package. They then called my sister and told her they were refunding her money. There are a couple of problems there. First off, the package had never been taken to the house. And yes, the address was correct. Secondly, my sister never ordered it so it was rather premature for them to be refunding her account. So I have contacted Amazon yet again. We'll see how it works out.

Now for more on the notorious boomerang package. As you may remember, I ordered an overnight delivery that UPS finally got to my door on Monday (three days late). So yesterday morning I took the unopened package back to the UPS store and told them to return it to Amazon, and told them why. The guy there said "no problem." He obviously underestimated UPS's ability to really screw things up. This morning the same package is back on my doorstep and I have re-contacted Amazon asking how in hell I get it back to them if UPS keeps bringing the same package back to me. Inquiring minds want to know these things.

Man am I getting frustrated.

A funny expression

2007-01-09T11:10:00.000-08:00

I was listening to a medical report on CNN this morning and suddenly it occurred to me that announcers almost always use the phrase "prostate cancer in men," or "prostate problems in men." Why do they have to specify that these problems occur in men? How many women in history have ever experienced prostate problems? Isn't the fact that a disorder occurs with the prostate be a sufficient clue that the sufferer is male?

This is not like breast cancer, which while rare in men, does happen from time to time. There is a 100% chance that any normal woman doesn't have a prostate. Hell, most abnormal ones don't have them either. So what's the deal?

Hope

2007-01-08T14:50:00.000-08:00

Yeah ok. So I should know better. I'm still hoping for something to happen.

I have a chance to be paid for producing political opinions. Ok. It's not much money. Maybe $150/mos for a few opinion pieces a month. But it would be so cool. I'd be practically turning handsprings if I got it (if it wouldn't snap both my wrists off). It would also serve to make me feel useful and productive. That's part of what I'm working on this year.

So while I know better, I have let my hopes up a bit.

Progress

2007-01-07T09:40:00.000-08:00

Well, the first week of the new year is gone and I've actually made some pretty amazing progress on keeping to my schedule. Not as good as I would wish, of course, but amazing nevertheless. I've managed to chip away at each of my projects every single day. Some days I get more done than others. This coming week I'll add doing a certain amount of cleaning to the mix, which will even more limit my time.

As a result I've been playing WoW a lot less. This is for two reasons actually. First of all, since my character cannot advance in levels it gets boring doing the same thing over and over again. This is also true with advancing lower level characters. I'm doing the same quests I've done half a dozen or more times before. This isn't anyone's fault. I am suddenly really busy with a bunch of real life stuff, and a lot of what people do in the game such as PvP and battlegrounds are things I'm just plain not interested in. I created a human warlock character and have been playing her a bit, but even that has scaled back.

Right now I'm very occupied with working on a quilt for my son, completing 3-5 afghans for Christmas (depending on how ambitious I get), building and launching my website, writing web content, working on two books and the story line for a third and a fourth (yeah Sew, even you don't know about that fourth which is much older than any of the others), and other things. I start a Tai Chi class on Feb 2. Obviously when the new expansion comes out I'll be gaming a lot more since Mit wants to fly. Flying cow. I can just hear the jokes on that one.

It's good to be busy. It makes the days go faster. Sometime early next month I'll be going in for an evaluation on my sleep problem. I'm also scheduling an eye examination and a hearing test. And yeah, as much as I totally and utterly hate the idea, a full physical is on the agenda, but probably not until spring. Then is the dentist too.

The bottom line here is that this is a huge transition time for me from one part of my life to the rest of it. As you can tell from the above, I don't do idle very well. For now, I'm getting more coffee and breakfast. Then I need to shower, dress, and get ready to go out in a couple of hours.

I am totally, utterly furious

2007-01-06T11:15:00.000-08:00

On Thursday, tired of struggling to build a website one atom at a time and taking hours to do the simplest things, I ordered a book from Amazon with 120 pre-built web templates. I paid almost the cost of the book for next day delivery.

Friday came and went. No package. I checked the website to track the package and the UPS delivery guy had posted he had attempted to deliver the package twice without success BECAUSE THE ADDRESS WAS INCORRECT!!!!

Excuse me? They've been delivering packages here for over two years and they suddenly cannot find the place? I checked my order. The address was correct. I tried to call UPS. They were closed and their manager (the only human being you can talk to there) had a full voice mail box. The front desk said don't leave voice messages because we won't get them.

So today I called again and this time got a phone answering person. He confirmed that the address is correct. But guess what? They don't deliver on the weekend. That means by the time I get it my overnight package will have taken either four or five days depending on whether I go in and pick it up on Monday or let them try for a re-delivery on Tuesday. I'm hardly going to let them try to re-deliver the package since they can't find the place anyway. Why assume they could find it a third time?

So here I sit. I'm about as furious as I remember being for a very very long time. I'm going to have to personally go pick it up days late. Right now I'm going to go to Home Depot and buy some 4-5 inch high letters for the house. Maybe I should get ones that are a foot high just in case. Grrr!!!!!

The New Year

2007-01-01T14:11:00.000-08:00

It's another year. I find that downright astounding. Where did the last one go? My main ambition this year is to get organized so that I begin finishing projects that are important to me.

Part will be crafty stuff such as making afghans and quilting. I've determined to make most of my gifts for next year and I fully plan to have everything done for Christmas by Dec. 1 including the mailing. This means I have to do some on the current projects every day. With quilts I want to get the one I'm working on finished, then tackle the one I have in my chest for Sewmouse that I promised to finish. I wouldn't mind getting the third one its backing and batting and have it on the frame by the end of the year.

I am determined to get a website built and running this year. Even if I never make a dollar off of it, I want to have a website devoted to writing in its many forms. From what I've read it's really needed. Perhaps I can finish the outline I have for a book on technical writing for non-writers. There are two large potential markets there, and it's possible there is a third I need to think about. If the proposal is done then I can try to market it. Tomorrow I want to finish designing the front page and get some of the coding done. Today is a day off to screw around and watch Harry Potter movies.

Writing is my focus this year. I have two books I've been messing along with this past year. It's time I give them time every day. A finished first draft of one of them would be a little bit of heaven. I'm not sure I can do it, but at least I can make positive strides toward the goal.

My main goal isn't really to finish stuff as much as to make steady progress toward a goal. Every day. If I can find time and energy I would like to begin meditating every day. I think it would be something very positive I could do for myself. I also need to check out a couple of exercise classes designed for those with limited mobility. I would love to do Tai Chi but the class I know is designed for people like me is closed at the moment while they move to a new location. I'll definitely take it when it's next available.

So those are my rather grandiose plans for the new year. There is bound to be other stuff that will come up and I will deal with that when it arises. For now at least I have a plan. It will be interesting to see how long I can stick to it.

Dog Lessons

2006-12-28T12:15:00.000-08:00

My daughter's dog (the one whose picture is on this blog) is an exceptionally badly behaved animal. My daughter has spoiled him rotten to the point he feels he has to mind only when he chooses. This is not an alternative with me, so over the past two years I've been slowly training him. He's far from perfect, but he does mind me much of the time.

Today, however, was not one of those days. Both dogs were outside and I was preparing to leave to go grocery shopping and to run some errands. I called them in. He was busy eating shit and didn't want to come in at the time. So I let the other dog in and locked up and ran my errands, leaving a short haired dog outside in sub-freezing temperatures. Before you get the wrong idea, there is a well-insulated doghouse out there so he wasn't really outside. But he was not in where it is marginally warmer either. He was not a happy camper, but I'll bet that the next time I say "come on in, Brisco," he makes a beeline for the door. He's stubborn but he's not really as stupid as he acts.

We are all feeling bad about his sister. I wrote about finding a mass in her mouth before Christmas. The results are in. It's malignant melanoma. They say she has anywhere from 4 months to a year to live. We all talked it over and will not subject her to major surgery and radiation. She's 12-1/2 years old. There is no point making her last few months sick and miserable. As long as her quality of life is good, we'll do our best to make her happy. When she begins declining, she will be put to sleep. That's going to break my heart. She's probably the sweetest, gentlest dog I've ever met. I will sincerely miss her.

Cold

2006-12-26T10:12:00.000-08:00

Cold seems to rule my life at the moment. I am always freezing. My daughter heats the house with wood, which is fine when she makes sure we have plenty and can use it. Unfortunately a couple of days ago something went wrong with the fuse panel in the house. It will have to be repaired before we can use the blower for the stove that warms the house. Unfortunately Susan cannot afford the repairs at this time. It's like 48 degrees in the house at the moment. I will light a fire shortly, but it will do little to chase the chill without the blower to circulate the air.

Right now I am wearing lined slippers, heavy socks, fleece sweats (wish I could wear two pair), three sweaters and gloves. And I am freezing.

What's worse is that the circuit for my lamp is on the same one as the blower, et al. We simply don't dare throw the breaker for this circuit as it's sparking and could start a fire in the walls. So I also can't use my bright light which means I can only quilt and read during the daylight hours.

I am sincerely hoping something breaks, but the way things are right now it appears it will be spring before Susan gets the money from her divorce settlement and can get the circuit box fixed and buy the new, more efficient stove. That's a lot of very cold days ahead. Also, if she doesn't make an issue of getting her nephews over here to chop the rest of the wood we actually have we will run out within a week or so. If that happens I will go online and order a cord delivered and pay for it myself. I'm simply not going to be that cold with the worst and coldest of the season yet to come.

I got a gift card from Joann's for Christmas. I'll buy some heavy flannel and will make myself two flannel slips. I also plan to buy two pair of long thermal knit undies for wearing under sweats. With the slips it should be warmer. My gloves are fingerless but work wonderfully to keep my poor hands more or less warm. Without them I would barely be able to use my hands they would hurt so badly. I hate being this cold.

Merry Christmas

2006-12-25T16:39:00.000-08:00

I want to wish everyone a Merry Christmas. Another year is coming to an end. It's amazing how fast they fly by now. When I was drying my hair the other day I noticed for the first time that once you get beneath the brown layer, the underneath is almost all grey. Another sign of getting old I guess.

I have this enormous wish list for the next year. I have health insurance again for the first time in years, so I am going to pursue sleep. I haven't slept through a night in around 20 years. I'm making an appointment with the sleep clinic where my insurance lies to book an appointment for yet another sleep study. My intention is to get this problem under control within the next year. I also have to see to getting a hernia repair which I will put off until the last possible moment (I loathe surgery), my cataracts repaired, and a bone spur on my heel repaired. Other than that, I'm actually disgustingly healthy other than my weight.

Weight is an issue, but not on the front burner for the upcoming year. I plan to tweak my diet as I go along, but not worry overmuch. I'm too old to care and it's not as if someone is suddenly going to find me overwhelmingly attractive should I lose a large amount of weight. Besides, if one should I would reject him as overly superficial. I'm a treasure as I am, excess weight or no.

Writing is a big issue this coming year. Getting organized is important. Building my website is critical. My hope is to find a modest way of earning money. I don't need much.

I am planning two trips this coming year: one to Chicago and one to North Carolina to visit the rest of my family there. My only hesitation is that they are going to allow cell phone blather on airplanes. I may check into trains or even the bus to avoid having to put up with self-important people and their boring blather on those damned phones.

Anyway, I am busy planning for the new year. Everyone enjoy the last days of this year, and I wish you the very best for the upcoming one.

Another Year

2006-12-18T09:49:00.000-08:00

*sigh* Another year gone. They just seem to slip by. I retired this year. I didn't do it voluntarily but rather because there were no more jobs to be had in my profession. I'm just too damned old to retrain into a new one. That leaves me with the dilemma of trying to figure out how to make money off of what I do best. So far I haven't found any solutions but I'm still trying to find something. I utterly reject the idea of "do you want fries with that," or "Welcome to WalMart" as an alternative.

Things are pretty somber around my house today anyway. Yesterday I discovered a huge mass growing inside one of my daughter's dog's mouth. The emergency vet holds out little hope that it is anything other than a malignancy. They lost their other dog (litter mate to this one) to cancer a year ago. This is one of the most gentle, even-tempered, sweet dogs. She's never any problem at all. My daughter and her ex are not taking it well. Both are devastated as they love these dogs as if they were their own children. They decided to make the dog as comfortable as possible and will keep her as long as they can for as long as her health is good. They won't subject her to surgery and radiation. She's 12 years old. Far too old for her last days to be miserable through surgery to remove half her jaw and the sickness of radiation. They will let her go quietly when the time comes. We will know more by the end of the week when she sees her regular vet and they do a biopsy on the mass.

Parenting

2006-12-18T09:01:00.000-08:00

I sometimes wonder why people even bother to have children. My daughter agreed to babysit for a friend's seven-year-old son on Saturday. At first it was just supposed to be for a few hours, then it became overnight. This was fine. The kid is a handful according to his mother, but he's never been a problem with either my daughter or with me.

The thing is his mother seems to regard him as a nuisance that has to be handled somehow. Most of the time she simply turns on the TV or puts him in a room by himself with a gaming console and some of the most violent games out there with no regard for their suitability for a seven-year-old child. It is a given among her friends that she will never return when she promises when they agree to watch him.

Just recently she was admonished by his school and threatened with being reported for child neglect unless she began such things as feeding him a decent diet regularly, seeing to it that he does his homework, and ensuring he has a reasonable bedtime. Even more recently she was called to the school because her son reported he had been sexually molested by the mother's partner. This turned out not to be true, but apparently the kid knows how much the partner hates him (and says so in front of him) and he didn't like the idea that he and his mother were moving into the same apartment.

The child's father claims the child has numerous allergies. The mother has never asked to see the medical report to ensure this is true and feeds the child anything she wants without bothering to see if he is actually allergic. Her argument is that it doesn't make him sick so he can't be allergic to it.

My question is simply why would a woman such as this even bother to have children? She doesn't really care about him. I asked him over the weekend what kind of books his mother reads to him, thinking of maybe getting him a book for Christmas. He looked at me as if I had taken leave of my senses. This isn't a bad kid, but it is definitely a neglected child.

Yesterday morning I discovered a nasty mass growing inside my daughter's dog's mouth that required the dog to go to an emergency vet immediately. Susan called the boy's mother and told her she had to come and get him and told her why. She was really put out by the fact she had to get her own son. I won't babysit for the child; not because I don't like him but because I've done my babysitting in the past and don't care to do it any more now. This annoys the boy's mother who seemed to have marked me as a babysitter when she was told I had retired.

So I repeat...if you don't want to take the time to raise a child, why have one? Why not surrender custody to the boy's father since she obviously isn't willing to actually interact with him any more than she absolutely has to? This really bothers me.

Getting Things Done

2006-12-16T11:58:00.000-08:00

These past few days have been good for me in terms of getting stuff done. I just got home from mailing packages. Everything will arrive by Christmas other than one thing for Sewmouse that unfortunately hasn't arrived yet, despite being shipped on the 7th. I guess it's coming by way of the pony express or something.

Yesterday I got six potholders cut and pieced. Still have to do the sashes. I also have to cut two more at Susan's request. I will do that today and also get the backings and heat-resistant batting cut and everything pinned together. Susan is going to help me sew them all as gifts for family.

Tomorrow and then Tues. I'll do the holiday cooking/baking I need to do for gifts. That will pretty much finish off my work for the holidays. We have dinner with the ex and others on Friday evening, then a big family gathering with a traditional meal on Saturday. Sunday is just for lazy and of course Monday is Christmas. Then that's all out of the way for another year.

I was thinking today just how much small things matter these days. More specifically small acts of kindness by total strangers. When I was in Costco today I reached for a box of the premade fireplace logs. The box weighs 54 lbs. and I knew it would be a struggle to get it in the cart. A nice young man came over and picked it up for me and put it in the cart. That was really nice. As I was pulling out of the parking lot, another guy stopped and helped me get out because I couldn't see traffic well. Then when I went to mail my packages, a woman held the door for me because my arms were so full.

I realize these are very small common courtesies, but they are so rare today they bear commenting upon. These people brightened my day. To me that counts.

Storm

2006-12-15T08:20:00.000-08:00

We had a humongous storm last night. Winds in some parts of the state hit 100 mph. High winds are a particular hazard where I live since we are surrounded by huge Douglas fir and cedar trees, some 50 feet or more high. we've been having a record-breaking wet season so the ground is saturated. The trees are shallow rooted anyway, and with the wet ground can be uprooted by high winds.

My daughter called a few minutes ago. She's out right now and is scared by the damage she is seeing caused by trees falling. We have this huge old tree in the back yard that was swaying badly last night. She's going to have someone come out and evaluate its stability. If that one came down it would take out any one of several homes within its range. I'm not even sure how they would get it down. In pieces I would suppose since it's well over 50 feet hight. She will leave it if it's stable.

The rain was coming down at a rate of over 2 inches an hour. There was also thunder and sheet lightening. It was quite a storm. Two of our floating bridges were shut down, and one remains closed today since four huge bolts sheered away because of the wind and wave action. Many of the freeways were closed because of standing water. The commute this morning is going to be a royal mess. At least I don't have to worry about that.

So far the death toll is only one but that will probably go up as they begin finding people. The one was a woman who drowned in her own basement.

It's raining this morning but the winds are gone and the weather service says things will be ok. Where I am we got flickering lights and the cable went out a couple of times. I stayed offline and shut down my daughter's computer as well. We're fine other than for a nervous dog. He hates thunder and when it started he tried to climbed into my lap. This would be ok were he a little guy, but he's 70 lbs. That's too big for a lap dog. I know. A couple of months ago my daughter got upset and was yelling and slamming doors around the house and he actually did climb all the way into my lap then sat leaning against my chest shivering. Big whoose.

Conundrum

2006-12-14T19:36:00.000-08:00

The president has been saying for the past week or so that he won't accept anything but total victory in Iraq, he won't set a timetable or even give us a plan for making the victory happen. Heck, he won't even define what "victory" means to him.

He also has said repeatedly that Iraq is a sovereign nation, and cites the constitution and the elections to prove that it is its own country making its own decision.

Now the Vice-President of Iraq has told people in Washington, D.C. that the U.S. has to come up with a timetable (no time really soon) for withdrawal with milestones, etc. How does this reconcile with the President's adamant assertions that he absolutely will not leave Iraq until he has accomplished his personal goals there? If the government itself tells the U.S. to set a timetable within x so many months to withdraw its troops, yet conditions on the ground don't meet with Mr. Bush's definition of "total victory," what happens?

It appears to me there can be only three possible actions. The first is that Bush complies with the Iraqi government demand for a U.S. withdrawal because Iraq is a sovereign nation. The second is that he complies but beefs up troops and launches an all out offensive so he gets his "victory" first. Or third, he tells them to stuff it and we'll leave when he is ready to leave and not a day before.

Personally I cannot see Bush stepping back and graciously saying "I think you're making a mistake, but you're the boss. Of course we'll leave." If the Iraqi government actually asks the United States to leave by a set date I think you'll see Mr. Bush's true colors emerge bright and clear. It should be interesting to watch.

Doctors

2006-12-12T21:35:00.000-08:00

I went to the doctor today for the first time in several years. I qualified for Medicare the first of this month and picked a good insurance gap program, so I went. I have no really serious health issues, but there were a couple of things that bugged me, so I went.

First off, everyone really treated me nicely and I like both the doctor I chose and the facility. I wasn't lectured or talked down to. The best part is that the doctor actually listened to me. I got half of what I wanted. The second half, to help my insomnia, will have to wait. The doctor decided that rather than just give me sleeping pills, they would do another sleep study, re-evaluate the machine I am using, and some other things. While it will take longer, he actually seemed to want to see it fixed. I'm content. I won't go into the first problem I discussed with him as it's a bit embarassing, but whatever it was he gave me seems to have started working from the instant I took the first of the medication.

Given how badly things started off today, this visit was a nice event. I have other things I need to do but this is a start. I got lost on the way to the office, the directions were faulty. Fortunately I got there in time and feel better about it now. I made the right choice of a health care provider. It is nice to have insurance again.

Memories

2006-12-08T16:01:00.000-08:00

Someone on a message board today asked what I would be doing right now if I could be doing anything I wished. My answer was that I would be back in Hawaii with my brother's friends at his retirement party this past summer.

Let me say first that I hated Hawaii the first time I was there. There were no trade winds and it was hot, stickly, and utterly awful. This time I went only because my brother was retiring from the Navy and he asked that I be there. I love my brother totally and agreed to go.

He rented a beach house for his friends and as a party site. My brother is what is called an ACINT (I think that's right) Runner. It's a higly specialized and very classified job in the Navy that has had only a couple of hundred members total, and usually not more than 50 at any one time. They are an elite group. I didn't realize how elite until I began meeting them.

I was literally blown away by how nice, how bright, how friendly, and how intelligent they all were. I treasured every moment of my time there (with very little exception). I got to talk to people who were my intellectual equal in every way and who regarded me as theirs. We were interested in the same things and talked politics and other things literally for hours. We drank, talked, laughed, and got to know one another. I can feel the bond with these people to this day and it brings tears to my eyes to remember how happy I was during that time. For one magical week in paradise, I was not lonely or islolated.

The house Roy (my brother) rented was right on the beach. We sat outside for the most part. We drank too much, ate too much, talked too much, and were reticent to say goodnight and part company. I can see it in my mind, but even if I couldn't I have a CD of hundreds of pictures of those times from a dozen different cameras.

I'm going to make a New Year's resolution right now. And this one I'll keep. I am going to build a website for us to keep in touch. Life is too short and too precious to miss contact with such people. Damn. I need a drink. I think I'll go hoist one in memory of the best people and probably the best time I've ever had.

Sometimes It's Amazing I don't Kill Myself

2006-12-05T15:14:00.000-08:00

It really amazes me that I don't break my fool neck sometimes. I started to put up the plastic on my bedroom window to do away with a cold draft when I'm using my computer. The first thing I noticed is that there is no way I can actually reach the far right corner. So I fuss around a bit with the dogs laying on the bed watching and trying to figure out what the hell I am doing. Finally I decide if I turn my wastebasket upside down I can stand on that and I will be able to reach the corner.

When it collapsed I was pretty lucky; I didn't hit anything on the way down, avoided falling on top of the dogs, and didn't throw my back out. Clara rewarded me with a quizzical look and a lick in my general direction. Ok. Bad idea. So I packed a crate of the fireplace logs (45 pound box) and used those to step up onto the bed. Worked fine. Of course the two sided tape fell off the bed and down behind so I couldn't get it. Eventually I got the tap up then pulled up the remaining tape, picked the fuzzy stuff off of it, and sat down to rewind it.

My vertical file was sitting on the bed. When I sat down, half the stuff in it spilled onto the floor. *sigh*. I'm waiting the requisite 15 minutes before I begin peeling the tape off. Then I will push the crate of logs back, try climbing up on the bed again, and put the plastic up. Once that's done and trimmed, I'll climb back onto the bed one final time and use the hair dryer to remove the wrinkles from the plastic, rehang the curtain, and then return the box to the game room. With any luck this will be completed easily and without any potential damage to life and limb.

This really steams me

2006-12-05T14:26:00.000-08:00

I got this electronic cleaner in the mail today. With it was a very small user manual. As I read it, I got more and more angry. Whoever wrote this has no really working knowledge of English. The stuff is laughably funny it is so badly written.

Why then am I steamed? Well, that's my profession, or it was until someone decided to outsource it to people like this who write utter comical trash and someone sends it in every single unit that is sold. I even developed a very cost-efficient way of back-sourcing such writing to real American writers while still saving a considerable amount of money for the customer. Of course it was utterly ignored.

Here is one such instruction: Fill the liquid into the tank up to 70-80% full (to such extent to allow the object pending cleaning to be fully submerged in the liquid.) First of all most of the language is redundant. It could more properly just read: Fill the tank sufficiently to ensure that what you wish to clean is fully submerged.

They refer to bubbles as "voids". They refer to "cavitations" being formed. What they mean is waves that clean what they contact.

The following is a single sentence: In the rinsing liquid, voids are repeatedly generated due to the conduction of vibration at the frequency of 45,000 cycles/sec to create the cavitations; and extremely high pressure (up to several hundreds of ATM) is produced when voids hit one another to remove contiminants attached to the object, either by attraction or stripping off, without damaging the material of the object to achieve the optimal cleaning results.

I can write better than that in my sleep on a bad night. But I can no longer find work in my field because of utter trash like this that is used to save a few dollars. This is not only disrespectful of the customer, but show almost a total contempt for anything but the almighty dollar. I wonder if anyone has tried to figure out exactly who is going to buy all these high end items (or low end ones for that matter) when the last of our living wage jobs are shipped overseas? Do we really want to turn the U.S. into a third world nation?

Congressional Business as Usual

2006-12-05T07:51:00.000-08:00

Well, all the high-sounding talk about Republicans "getting" the message of the voters in the last election has proven to be nothing but a lot of hot air. It's apparently back to business as usual in D.C. There is an article in the news today saying that congress will not manage to even attempt to pass a single important bill before it adjourns for the last time. That includes the budget they have not bothered to settle on. The very best they might do is pass an interim spending authorization to keep government agencies open. That's it.

No budget. This might actually be a good thing as it would permit Democrats to strip out all the pork and garbage and perhaps send a much leaner budget to the President. That's assuming that Democrats will do that which is iffy at best.

This congress will not address the issue of border security. It will not address port security or illegal immigration as it promised. It won't pass ethics reform as it promised. It won't pass lobbying reform as it promised. The fact is, according to the story I read, it won't do much of anything it's not absolutely forced to and will adjourn early rather than stay in session right up until Christmas and actually work hard to get important legislation finished so they can prove to the voters that they really aren't just a do-nothing bunch of crooks. Then again, maybe there is a good reason for that.

Interesting Juxtaposition

2006-12-04T12:52:00.000-08:00

Josh Bolton, President Bush's Chief of Staff, has said that he can see the president making some changes in how he conducts business but that he will not "compromise his principles." Which principles are those, I wonder? His conservative principles of state's rights, fiscal responsibility, balanced budgets, lower debt, smaller, less intrusive government? His personal religious principles that dictate humbleness, compassion to those less fortunate, truthfulness, and honesty?

It seems to me that Mr. Bush has either compromised or totally tossed aside those principles from day one in the white house. Mr. Bush has also proven his willingness to work with the new congress by re-submitting the nominations of the UN Ambassador and five hotly disputed judges immediately after the election dust had settled, thus proving his unwillingness to even consider the ideas or feeling of either Democrats or members of his own party.

I shudder to think what these paper changes will be concerning the Iraq war. Another slogan change perhaps? Another presidential visit over Christmas to play santa under the tree? And what about the domestic agenda? Where is the reform of FEMA or Homeland Security so they are actually effective? What about the 9/11 Commission recommendations, Immigration reform, border security, etc. I understand that he's once again talking out of both sides of his mouth on that last issue in particular by proposing an economic union that will declare the borders nonexistent from North to South America.

I don't think that Mr. Bolton has anything to worry about with regard to Mr. Bush compromising his principles. I'm not sure that there is anything to compromise.

Another Really Busy Day

2006-12-03T09:47:00.000-08:00

Today is going to be very busy as far as I am concerned. We have company coming this afternoon. I have been working my butt off since yesterday cleaning and trying to make the house look good. My daughter told me on Thursday that we need to do some work to ensure that the place is clean for company. That's fine.

Thus far I have swept, mopped, cleaned the bathroom, vacuumed, dusted, cleaned the glass, cleaned the kitchen, hauled out trash and garbage, brought in extra wood for the fireplace, and done a lot of picking up and tidying up. She has.....uh....well.....gotten her nails done, bought some new jeans, and taken a couple of naps. As much as I hate to, I'm going to have to say something about the fact that we actually means both of us. I know it's just carelessness on her part, and she's got a pile on her mind right now with some pretty heavy stuff facing her come the first of January.

I really disappointed some friends today and I feel wretched about it. We have dungeon runs every Sunday in our online game. This one was particularly important to two of them, and I had to bail because of the company. Were these people just some of the drama queens my daughter generally hangs out with, I could have done the run anyway even with them here. However, this is her ex husband and his current girlfriend, both of which are friends of mine and both of whom I like and respect a very lot. I made the decision that real life had to come first in this instance, but my character is still sitting in a corner in the game out of remorse.

I do have to get my butt in gear. I need to mop the kitchen and wax it, and mop the entry yet. I also need to toss some stuff in the fridge. I try to do that once a week so that nothing is in there too long. Somewhere along the line I'll get some lunch, get showered and dressed, and figure out the mess I have with my new afghan pattern.

The Ironies Just Keep Coming

2006-12-02T20:40:00.000-08:00

I just read an article that has been confirmed by the Pentagon that Donald Rumsfeld had concluded that Iraq policies were failing. He apparently sent a memo to the president suggesting a new direction that included scaling back our troops there. Two or three days later Bush fired him.

This is in keeping with the other things that I've seen in recent days. The President is clinging desperately to the idiotic notion that Iraq is still winnable in a military sense. He is repeating "stay the course" in other terminology. It's like a worn out mantra. It has no significance any more in terms of credibility. But he just cannot admit that he was wrong, screwed up royally, then sat on his hands and watched all his precious delusions of statemanship degenerate into civil war. To this day he is apparently sufficiently delusional that he cannot bring himself to believe he's lost in Iraq.

So now we know the real reason Rumsfeld is gone. It wasn't as a sacrifice or because of the elections, but rather because he drew the same conclusion as the rest of us and Mr. Bush was not prepared to hear that from anyone, including Rumsfeld.

Something I read made me stop and think

2006-12-01T11:01:00.000-08:00

A friend of a friend recently asked if I were the type of person who insisted on always being in absolute control in relationship. That got me to thinking since it's the furthest from how I actually am that a person can get. Then it struck me; I am not even looking for a "relationship" in the sense that word is used most often. I would appreciate more friends and people to do things with and talk to, but I am not really interested in a "relationship."

I've concluded after thinking about it for a long time, that it would be unfair of me to even consider such a thing. My BS meter is on full from my marriage. I absolutely will not fight with anyone ever again over anything. Spirited discussions about various topics, yeah. Love them. A screaming match where someone tears down and stomps everything about me into the dirt then later says it was OK because he was "angry" no way. No way in hell ever again.

Somewhere along the line, after spending more years than I care to think about changing myself more often than the sheets on a cheap motel room bed, I figured out that I was never going to be good enough for anyone other than me. As one kind soul put it once, I am not pretty, I am getting old (that was some time ago), I'm heavy, I am too smart, too articulate, too educated, I make too much money, and I am not sufficiently deferential to men. That's when I realized that there isn't all that much that is actually wrong with me. Sure I have my faults as everyone does, but they're really not all that bad. I like who and what I am. I'm generous, kind-hearted, even tempered, a helluva good cook, an excellent writer, and those things that were listed as faults. So I decided to stop trying to change to meet someone else's expectations and begin working a lot more on taking care of me and meeting my own needs since nobody else is ever going to.

It's worked out well over the years. I had one slip some years back and the results of that hurt to this day, but I learned my lesson once and for all. I am who I am. While I certainly can improve and am working on that, I will do it for myself. Just as with every other person on this earth, I'm a mixture of good and not so good. I learned that the vast majority of people will judge me more by the breadth of my ass than by the depth of my soul, and that too is ok as that means they spare me the trouble of having to weed them out of my life when I discover that.

The most valuable thing I learned over the years is that basically I am a good person. Not perfect, but more good than not. I make a long term, very loyal friend. I have an excellent sense of humor. I'm bright, articulate, and dependable. I keep my promises. Ok. I don't make many promises, but I keep those I make. The negatives? Well, I tend to be extremely literal; that means that hints don't work with me. I never even hear them. I'm a bit on the stubborn side. I live inside my own head sometimes to the extent that I am oblivious to what is going on around me. I am slow to anger, but if you push hard enough and long enough to anger me I am capable of turning my back and walking away from you and closing the door forever. I say what I mean. I don't play games, and I refuse to be around people who try to manipulate me.

What this means in terms of "relationships" is that I am going to die without ever having known what it feels like to love or be loved in the romantic sense. That nearly killed me once, but I'm well over it now. I made the choice to abandon that hope and pursue those things in life I can actually achieve, and I've done fairly well at that. I still have goals I'm working toward. Some I will reach. Some I will never see. But in the end it's the striving that is almost as important as the goal anyway.

Politically a Bad Week

2006-12-01T07:54:00.000-08:00

Things sure seem to be sliding into the political ditch this past week. The findings of the Iraq Study Commission have not even been released and Bush is already rejecting them in favor of "stay the course." Apparently this is because the commission has come to the same conclusion as the generals on the ground and the rest of the world in general--there can be no "victory" in Iraq. Some of the talking heads are saying that this is just a bit of presidential chest beating before he concedes (never officially of course) that we are going to have to begin pulling out our troops.

The Iraq government teeters on the edge of collapse as Al-Sadr pitches a temper tantrum over Maliki agreeing to meet with Bush. I'm not sure how anyone will tell the difference. Maliki has also tried flexing what little muscle he has by snubbing Bush and King Abdullah of Jordan. The most telling thing he said has left the president sputtering. He claimed that the U.S. will be out of Iraq by June. Bush always said the Iraq government was sovereign and made its own decisions, but apparently this one will not be allowed to stand.

Then Newt Gingrich, who really should know better, comes out with a proposal to censor free speech on the Internet. Gingrich isn't nearly as dumb as Bush yet in this single speech he brought himself down to the same abysmal level. What is it about the constitution that these men do not understand?

So all in all it's been a politically bad week. Nobody is paying any attention to Bush's chest beating and posturing. The pundits are saying he's lying to us again about what will ultimately happen. It's a real mess. I'm not sure if Bush is just delusional and actually believes all this crap he spouts or if he is just too stubborn and arrogant to admit he's made a mistake then take adequate steps to fix the mess he made.

Another Failed Promise

2006-11-29T11:41:00.000-08:00

Today I heard that our President is breaking yet another promise to the American people. Just a few weeks ago right after the midterms he promised to listen to and consider the recommendations of the Iraq Study Commission when they are released on Dec. 6. Today he said he will not consider any of them unless they echo his current failed policy there. So much for the value of a presidential promise.

Bush maintains that he will allow only total victory in a situation where his commanders have told him point-blank that such a victory is impossible. Why is it impossible? Mostly because of the incredible level of bungling on the part of both Mr. Bush and the members of his administration. He knew even before he picked this war, that he was committing insufficient troops. The first Mr. Bush used 500,000 troops merely to drive Saddam out of Kuwait with no intention of toppling him from power and attempting to pacify the country. Why then did the second Mr. Bush think he could do three times as much with about half the troops?

The problem is that the current Mr. Bush is totally out of touch with reality. He truly believed and still believes it possible to establish a stable democracy in the region. When things started going wrong almost immediately (the violence and looting) he ignored it. When the insurgency began he ignored it. When the sectarian violence started he ignored it. He ignored every time there was a chance to actually make a step toward his stated goal. He stuck his fingers in his ears and screamed "stay the course" to drown out the cries of the dying and the wailing of their survivors.

Now he's done it once again. He's closed the door to possibly the only solution left to us, yet he's equally unwilling to do anything that might make the situation in Iraq any better. By doing so I fear he's opened wide the door to the spectacle of another Saigon with out people leaving in disorder and leaving the country to fall into the hands of radicals and extremists.

Christmas Shopping

2006-11-25T10:03:00.000-08:00

There is little I hate more than Christmas shopping. Bah! Humbug! That being said, I am proud to announce that probably 75% of mine is done already. I have five more gifts to buy. One for my granddaughter, one for my sister, one for my daughter's ex and his girlfriend, and one for my daughter's ex's sister.

My sister and the ex's sister will receive gift cards of some sort. One because she is notoriously hard to buy for and the other because she has a severely handicapped child at home and it's easier for her. The gifts for the ex and girlfriend and my granddaughter will be shared gifts with my daughter since we're cutting corners and we can get a nicer gift that way.

I feel proud of myself as I just got that all done this morning. I deserve a piece of pumpkin pie for breakfast as a reward.