A Day for Self-Indulgence

I am seriously considering being a self-indulgent slug today. It's still early here (before 10:00). I have two or three small chores to complete from my list of 17. I've had breakfast and the kitchen is clean.

Over the weekend was a total loss. We were so bummed out and sad about Clara's dying that we did little of anything. Yesterday, in a fit of guilt, I made a list of 15 To Do items and finished all but three. I added two more last night. I will toss those out of the way here sometime soon.

I'm very seriously considering being miserably self-indulgent today to a degree seldom seen in my neck of the woods. I did all my errand running yesterday, so if I do this, it will be shopping, lunch out, pedicure, manicure and then a nap. I need to pick up the extra stuff for my daughter's Christmas present. Yeah, I know it's only May, but I am making something that will take weeks to finish and I am also making all of my Christmas gifts this year.

The shopping might entail buying a book. For me it generally does. I'm a book freak. It might entail getting a few pair of new underwear and weeding out the ones that you can see daylight through. I want to look for some baskets to hold potatoes and onions in the kitchen. Maybe those hanging things but I have to be careful there. My daughter is really short.

Mostly I think what I want to do is get out of the house and do it for a reason that isn't an obligation. Everything I do of late is an obligation of some sort, particularly when I leave the house. I have to get groceries, pay bills for my daughter (she can't leave the house except to go to and from work), or run other errands of that sort. I almost never go anywhere just for me.

I might even find a new pair of sandals for summer. Whatta concept. I just sort of feel that the sunshine (it's a gorgeous day here) and the fact I'll just be putzing around for no particular reason and with no particular goals might really feel good. Maybe I'll check out that Mexican butcher shop and see if they have lamb shanks. I would love some lamb shanks. I could, of course, get those if I chose to drive into the city. There is a butcher shop at the Market that always has them. But the Market is a really long drive and traffic there is such a hassle.

We'll see. Right now I need to go vacuum the house, weed the garden, write a letter to my doctor then shower and get dressed.

A Really Sad Day

This has been a real bummer of a day. We took Clara to the vet today and the news was pretty much what we expected and none of it good. A couple of days ago she had a really bad problem breathing. She did fairly well for a day and a half after that, but yesterday things started going downhill again. She was falling trying to go up stairs, and just generally having a dreadful time even getting up and down off the floor.

The doctor confirmed that things are at an end for her. Her liver and spleen are really badly enlarged, her muscles are atrophying, and despite eating well, she's dropped 4 pounds in a week. That's a lot for a dog; even a big dog. So he gave us some pills to make her comfortable, took her off of all of her current medicines, and scheduled her for Saturday afternoon to be put to sleep. There is no point in allowing her to suffer. She's barely able to get around, has two independent types of cancer, and is simply too sick and too tired to go on.

This isn't going to be easy. Not for any of us. I took her outside to go potty today. We have a wheelchair ramp in the front of the house, and I took her down that. Unfortunately, she didn't even have the strength to walk back up it. She couldn't get up the stairs either, so I wound up lifting her onto the lowest step so she could get up the others.

Her name is Clara, by the way. She's one of the quietest, gentlest, and sweetest dogs that ever was. She will be so missed. I'm not overly fond of dogs, but I'm very fond of this one. She has a very expressive face and when she was excited she'd do this little dance to let you know how happy she was. She had a lot of silly little quirks, such as barking over nothing if her brother got all wound up. She wouldn't know what she was barking at, but that didn't stop her. Same with whining. She would whine as if her tail was being pulled off from time to time. Not pain. Just this stupid whining. If you told her to shut up she'd look at you as if you'd suggested she eat dirt. Trust me, she had the best "are you crazy?" look you can even imagine.

We will have her another day and a half. Then she'll be gone. Her sister died last year. That leaves us with one dog.

Girl Stuff

Tonight as I was getting ready for bed, I stopped for a moment to consider my daily routine. Every morning when I get up I put on lotion for the dry spots on my legs and arms. I put on eye cream, lip cream, moisturizer, and neck cream. I always put on lipstick but any other makeup depends on if I'm going out.

At night I have the same routine, but with different things.

I got to wondering why I do this. I've been doing it pretty regularly since I was in my teens. When I was in my teens, I think there was a good reason. Today I"m not so sure other than the fact that I do it for me. I harbor no delusions that this stuff is going to somehow keep me young and one day my prince will come. I don't believe in princes and I sure as hell don't believe in happily ever after.

I do believe there is a time and a place for taking care of yourself, and maybe for me is the best possible reason because for whatever reason it still matters to me. Part of it is just that I don't want to look like my sister. She's two years younger than me but has more lines on her face than she has places for them. Of course she has a lot of reasons. She's never taken care of her skin. She's been one who spends time in the sun without sun screen, she's had dentures for years, and she smokes. That's a perfect recipe for wrinkles. Don't get me wrong. I love my sister dearly and she's a really good person. She's just a very wrinkled very good person.

I have dentures now too, and I can already see the sags and creases in one cheek. Yeah I know. Why only one? No idea. I have age spots trying to form on only one side as well. Those will be taken care of soon. I will not have those nasty things on my face.

Some of this is fairly ironic considering I don't color my hair or shave. Then again, I have very little that could be shaved anyway as I have virtually no hair anywhere on my body especially my arms and legs. I have always considered shaving a waste of time and energy. If I were a man I would probably have a beard.

Anyway I'm off to bed. I'm tired. I spent quite a bit of time today cutting down a huge thatch of blackberry vines in the yard. I'll finish up the job tomorrow as well as having to cut up the vines I cut down and get them into the yard waste bin. I can't believe I got as much done as I did. This was a big patch and now it's reduced to odds and ends to be taken care of another day. Tomorrow will be busy.

Busy Busy Day

It's been busy around here today. I went to Home Depot's garden center and found every single one of the plants for my garden this year. They are now sitting in the ground feeling smug and happy about being so wanted. There are tomatoes (large, roma, and cherry), cucumbers, zucchini, jalapenos, bell peppers, broccoli, and brussel sprouts. They look sort of lonely at the moment because they are so teensy and spaced out in the garden. However, if they grow as they should, the garden will soon be lush and green and in a short time will begin producing.

I got a few flowers and will plant another hanging basket in the morning. I'm way too tired to do it at the moment. I still have to plant some more nasturtiums. A few came up, but not nearly enough to make a pot. The sweet peas, however, all sprouted despite being nearly drowned, and they are happy and plentiful. I have several other things planted and am hoping some of it comes up. I want flowers.

I also promised my daughter I would mop the kitchen and I got that done as well. I was supposed to go get gas for the mower and for my car plus make a small Costco run but my get up and go got up and went. I'm just too tired to do it right now. I just want to read a while and bask in the knowledge that I actually got a lot done today. I was slow and methodical, I admit, but it is done and done right too.

My daughter's dog is on my list. He is liable to be there for a long time after this morning. He wanted to go out and I let him into the back yard. Then I had to go to the bathroom myself, and in the time it took me to do that he moved the plywood and rocks blocking his way, all but tore the metal siding off the house and escaped under the house and out the front. When I tried to get him he ran back under the house and hid. He came out a second time, and would have gotten entirely away had he not been stupid enough to bark at something. As a result, until someone can make some very heavy duty repairs out back, he will be on a sliding run with a pinch collar every single time he goes outside for the next couple of months. It's the second time in as many days he's managed to get out and I was forced to chase him. Right how he's in the living room being careful not to annoy me any futher.

A Soft Moment

I had one of those "awwww" moments yesterday afternoon. On of my daughter's friends came by to introduce us to her new puppy. It is a six week old British bulldog. He had cute down to a science and I got to hold him for a while. What a little sweetie. I realize he'll grow up to be this huge ugly dog, but at that moment when he was snuggled up on my chest he was cuteness personified.

Susan's girl dog isn't doing well on the anti-cancer drug she is on. I sincerely wonder if she'd going to make it much longer. Susan is talking about getting a new puppy in a couple of months. First of course we have to have her current male dog evaluated by a trainer. It's my humble opinion that he will never adapt to another dog in the house. The only reason he adapted to the two other dogs who lived here was because they were here first and all of them were puppies. He's older now and has no patience as well as being jealous. We will see, I guess.

But for a few minutes yesterday I couldn't stop smiling. It really doesn't take much to make me happy. A warm puppy does it every time.

Update

It has been a while since I posted here. I've been stressed and busy. Not a really good combination. I think that the hemorrhaging of money has finally abated. It's been a very expensive last two months. I have one more sort of close month then six before it gets dicey again. Maybe more; which gives me time to save and ease the burden next time.


The tension around here abated for a while, but is building again. My daughter is out of jail but is still on two months of home detention which allows her to go only to work and back. That means all the errands, grocery shopping, local bill paying, etc. falls to me. I don't mind I guess because it does get me out of the house from time to time.

Susan has broken up with her girlfriend......again. It's the fifth time I think. As with all the other times it probably won't last. At least this time the girlfriend is doing everything in her power to keep Susan mad and unhappy with her, so maybe it will work this time for good. The thing is that the girlfriend is a convicted felon and if she were living here, then Susan would not have been let out of jail until the cops had cleared her out. The past four or five days have been miserable with constant wrangling and arguing. Every time they break up the girlfriend instantly finds another person to date......not really but that's what she claims. There really aren't that many single lesbians working at the local Taco Time I don't think. She's also helped by making promises and breaking them, and lying and stealing.

I had a very long talk with my sleep doctor on Thursday. The news from the last test wasn't all that good. It confirmed exactly what I told them: I generally fall asleep relatively quickly, then wake up repeatedly all night. He's pretty much at a loss as to what to do next since the sleeping pills the other doctor prescribed for me don't work. They do help me on those few nights a month when I have trouble falling asleep, but do nothing about me waking up repeatedly all night. I'm not sure where we're going next. I guess I'll just wait and see.

Today should be the most fun you can have standing up. The girlfriend is coming over to get the last of her things so there is no reason for her to come back to the house. We have to have the locks changed because she is lying and saying she has never had a key to the house. I know that to be untrue since I had the key made and handed it to her myself.

On the upside, I've got a lot of stuff done toward the garden. The pots of flowers I thought drowned out have decided to show their heads now that the weather is turning warmer, so I can now identify which is which. I may have to plant a few more nasturtiums as the number managing to survive seem too few for a good pot of flowers. On the other hand, the sweet peas are abundant and should be beautiful. I got one of the hanging planters replanted for this year, and planted columbine, pansies, and some lilies in one of the flower beds.

I am going to be going to Home Depot again soon to pick up tomato plants, which are all the veggies that the garden center has out yet. We're going to put two in huge pots on the porch with tomato cages, and two of the really big ones in the garden, also in cages. We learned our lesson last year with regard to not staking them up from day one.

The rest of the garden will go in across the month of May. We're keeping it simple this year as much of what I planted last year didn't grow. Susan and I have decided to re-establish the flower bed that used to be along the side of the house. We're not sure yet all that we're putting in it, but it will be a bit at a time thing. One thing is going to be dwarf lilacs. I can't wait on that one. We're also considering putting in a cute little bed around the mailbox just because it looks great. From there we'll just wing it.

So far things with the garden are going well. We'll see.

This Whole Diet Thing

Since I went to the doctor earlier this week, I have been thinking a lot about this whole diet thing. I suppose I should start off by stating I no longer diet. Not for any reason. I pretty much ruined my metabolism when I was young with one extended starvation diet after another. I have literally lost entire people, but they always seem to find their way back and they always bring friends.

Some time a few years ago, I made the decision to never diet again. I have lived with that since and am happy with the decision. The funny thing is that over the past two years or so I've lost 40 pounds. No; you may not look at my butt and tell me: "I think I found it."

What I did was change my entire philosophy regarding eating. Now this is a very long process and it involves a lot of trial and error. I started as I do with everything I do, with extensive research and reading. I considered and rejected a number of eating plans, popular and totally insane.

So what did I finally settle on? Gradual changes. One at a time. Nothing dramatic. The principles were simple. First and foremost, I can and will eat anything I want when I want it in any amount I wish. Just knowing that is so freeing. It allows me to eat smaller amounts of rich or fattening food and be totally satisfied. After all, it's not as if I can't have all I want any time I want; so for some reason that means I am satisfied with less.

I started making some logical substitutes in my diet. I bought hard wheat pasta because it contains more fiber, is digested much more slowly, and I eat less of it and stay fuller over time. I started eating more vegetables and fruits. I have a decided advantage over most people in that I rarely eat pastries, garbage such as chips and sodas, or fast food in the first place. I don't care for most processed food and I avoid eating things with preservatives and additives if I possibly can without being fanatical about it. I eat low fat salad dressings because I personally cannot tell the difference between them and the full fat varieties so I save calories. I won't touch low or non fat milk, cream cheese, or sour cream. I have made the decision to eat less of the real thing than a lot of something that tastes roughly like library paste. Old library paste at that. And yes, as a kid I did eat it so I do know what it tastes like.

I began reducing my portions. Not because I thought I was being virtuous, but rather because I was satisfied with less. The result has been a steadily increasing weight loss with no feeling of deprivation. Sewmouse has been nagging me. Ok to be fair so has my doctor. What about? Exercise. I am fond of saying that any time I get an urge to exercise, I just lay down for a while and it goes away. But they are both right. Given my limited mobility (I have sciatica, exercise-induced asthma, and very bad knees) I have to find things I can do. Both the doctor and Sewmouse have recommended doing five minutes of exercise at a time. That would still grow into 30 minutes 4 times a week over time as I do more of the five minute segments. *sigh*

So where am I going with this? Nowhere really. I'm not really trying to lose weight though the changes I am making apparently are doing that anyway. I already have low blood pressure and low cholesterol, so that's not a problem either. I'm disgustingly healthy for the most part. I think for once I am doing this for all the right reasons. I no longer think I can starve myself into being acceptable to men and frankly I don't give a rat's ass about that any more anyway. I put that behind me quite a few years ago. I simply want to be healthier and make my life that much easier. I like the way I eat. I don't eat stuff I don't like. I refuse. Life (no matter how long) is too short to waste by eating garbage and pretending it's caviar.

So this week I start exercising a bit at a time as weather and my own pig-headedness allows. I begin a program of meditation. I am currently in another sleep study thing, and I have a bottle of sleeping pills that I've waited since half past forever to get my hands on. Ironically I cannot take them right now because of the sleep study. But that will be over next Wednesday. I am doing some research into acupuncture for insomnia. We have an acupuncturist within half a mile of the house I could go to if it's affordable and if I find any evidence it works.

Time marches on. I found a new produce market yesterday. Great buys on great stuff. I am making barbecue sauce at the moment for the chicken tonight. We'll have it with salad and grilled asperagus. Oh yes, did I forget to mention the fresh lemon meringue pie?

A Day at the Doctor

Today I went to see my doctor again. It's about this sleep problem. We talked. I'm doing a lot of stuff right, including continuing to lose weight. Another four pounds this time. That's like 8 pounds in a month or so.

He suggested that I read a book that includes 5 minute exercise programs. I know I am going to have to get into that. I just don't like the pain and the wheezing and choking. Maybe breaking it down in five minute segments will help that some. He also suggested I begin my meditation. I have finished reading the book but had not actually started. I will do that tonight before going to bed. He also said that on those nights I wake up for more than 20 minutes, I have to get up and go out into the living room. I have to do something I find boring, like folding clothes, doing dishes, or something else of that nature.

He also gave me sleeping pills. We went for the mildest and those least likely to ever be addicting. He will watch it closely since I am worried about the addiction bit no matter how well they might work otherwise.

Seems lady luck was smiling. Just an hour or so before I was due to leave the house for the Dr. appointment, I got a call from the optometrist (which is in the same building) and my glasses were ready, so I made two trips in one. Saved gas.

Tomorrow I have to burn more gas though. I have to drive down to Redmond to the Group Health hospital there and pick up this bracelet thingie for another sleep test. I may have to put off taking my sleeping pills for a time if I'm doing a sleep test as it could throw off the results. On the way back I have to stop and pay the mortgage payment. Again I will be combining two stops in one and if I time it right I will be able to stop at a place I love for some Thai for lunch. That will make the entire day worth while.

So I'm continuing to take care of my health and getting all the things fixed that I have had to let go for so long because I had no insurance. I suppose sometime after everything is better for Susan I will go in and see about having this hernia repaired. More fun.

I've been talking to Susan today about the garden. It's fun to begin making plans for flowers, shrubs, and bulbs and things. We will have a pretty yard and lots of flowers one of these days. I am taking it one step at a time. That seems wisest. A bit here and a bit there and things get done. This week I've already dug up and dumped 5 small buckets full of dandelions. Of course you cannot tell that by looking, but It's true nonetheless. Sometime after the 21st I will start acquiring plants for the vegetable garden for this year. I'm thinking of putting Marigolds in it to keep the slugs and cutworms out or at least down to a few. They hate them for some reason.

A New Push for Immigration Reform

Mr. Bush and congress have apparently begun a new push for what they call real immigration reform. While their positions still are far apart, they are much closer than they were originally. The plans I’ve seen have many major flaws as yet, but parts of them might be workable with some tweaking.

The article on CNN today explains the changes congress is proposing:

“The plan would grant work visas to undocumented immigrants but require them to return home and pay hefty fines to become legal U.S. residents. They could apply for three-year work visas, dubbed "Z" visas, which would be renewable indefinitely but cost $3,500 each time.

The undocumented workers would have legal status with the visas, but to become legal permanent residents with a green card, they'd have to return to their home country, apply at a U.S. embassy or consulate to re-enter legally and pay a $10,000 fine.

That's far more restrictive than the bipartisan bill the Senate approved last year.

So far, Bush has only gotten part of what he wants -- border legislation. He signed a bill last October authorizing 700 additional miles of fencing along the U.S.-Mexico border.”

While this is better than the Senate bill from last year, it’s still far from ideal and does not take into account many factors that will steeply escalate the cost to the American taxpayer. The one thing I see in it that I do like is that the so-called “touchback” provision that was being floated recently is modified. Before all an illegal immigrant would have to do is step across the border and back across to fulfill the requirement that they leave the country. Now they have to go home and apply and pay a fine.

The White House has also suggests that we “redirect as many as 50,000 visas that take into account factors such as an immigrant's education, training, and language skills as well as the employment needs of the country.” This is a small step in the right direction, but it needs to be many more than the proposed 50,000. Currently most visas are granted because the applicant has a family member who is already here legally. It does not take education, language skills, or employability into account.

People who support unrestricted legal immigration are fond of pointing out that the United States is a nation of immigrants and that many people’s parents and grandparents came to this country as immigrants. This argument simply is not valid today. Fifty or a hundred years ago education was not as critical a success factor as it is today. It was entirely possible to own a home and raise a family on the salary of a janitor or some other low-skilled laborer with only one adult in the family working. This is not possible today. Also, those coming here from other countries then generally had learning the language as a top priority, which is also different from many of today’s illegal immigrants who expect those here to learn their languages as opposed to them learning ours.

A recent report on immigration says that each illegal immigrant family costs the country $2700/year above and beyond what it contributes back in taxes. In 2002 cost was $10.4 billion a year. Two-thirds of illegal immigrants today lack a high school education. If granted amnesty, the report estimates that the cost of providing social services, would increase to $7,700 per year per family for a cost of $29 billion because while tax payments would rise by 77% the drain on social programs would rise by 118%. It is important to consider too that these costs are predicated on 2002 costs.

Another important factor to consider when addressing the drain on social programs is that legal immigrants sign up their children at a much greater rate to programs such as Medicaid than do illegals (even if their children are legal) out of fear of being caught and deported. These will rise dramatically when the illegals can legally apply to these programs.

You can read the entire report here:

http://www.cis.org/articles/2004/fiscal.html

Some other factors to consider in regard to this new push for “comprehensive” immigration reform is that it’s been tried before and the government is amazingly adept at conveniently “forgetting” clauses in the law that require strict enforcement of laws against hiring illegals, stringent border security, a non-forgeable identification card for legal immigrants, and other such tightening of the laws. Just as with the H-1B visa program which is approving visas at a rate four times that authorized by congress, this new amnesty measure is sure to be abused as there is no will to enforce the other more stringent clauses in the law. Mr. Reagan’s famous amnesty program proves this clearly. There were many parts of that law that were simply ignored, such as enforcing the rules against hiring illegals, once the amnesty was granted.

Without a real commitment to stringent enforcement, this bill will do nothing but flood the country with millions of illegal immigrants who are under-educated and who cannot or will not assimilate as did the other waves of immigrants to this country. Remember too that gang members, crooks, drug runners, and other criminals will not register. Given the costs and the requirements that the illegal return to their own country to apply for the new Z visa, it’s not hard to predict that the majority of illegals here at the moment will not register to become legal either. Thus we will simply be beginning another cycle leading to another big amnesty bill, with no real progress being made toward really securing our borders.

The key to solving this problem, no matter where we come down on the amnesty portion, is stringent enforcement of our existing immigration laws. It is only when we dry up the jobs for illegals and inpose severe penalties for those who break the laws (illegals and employers alike) that we stand any chance at all of actually solving this problems. Mr. Reagan proved that just granting blanket amnesty and turning a blind eye to the other provisions just perpetuates the problem.

Spring

It is spring. Normally that doesn't mean a lot to me as one season is pretty much like another other than for what I might choose to wear.

This past month, however, has been extremely stressful an expensive for me, and expensive is also stressful. My daughter is currently serving jail time for drunk driving. She has allowed her sometimes violent girlfriend to remain in the house, and while said girlfriend has been good it's one of those shoes to drop situations. Her ex is getting remarried and that caused stress. Since she and the girlfriend cannot drive, I've been doing a lot more of that as well, though they have been reimbursing me for gas.

The money thing is just ridiculous this month. It started out with my car needing $750 worth of repairs and an oil change. Then my hard drive went out and my printer put its little electronic legs into the air and expired. I had to buy a new security suite for the computer.

In the mail came my yearly renewals for my car insurance and also for my Costco membership, both at the same time.

Next I had to get new glasses. Another $250+ down the drain since I need special lenses and stuff. That is cheap by the way compared to what I usually pay, but the insurance took care of a pile of it.

Yesterday my sister tells me she's been in an accident and needs $1800 to get the car fixed so she and two of her kids can continue going to work. Today the medical place calls and tells me replacing my CPAP machine is going to cost me $146. I'm just monied out. My stress levels started hitting critical range.

So yesterday I went out and spent $60 I really cannot afford. Why would I do that, you ask? Well, I need some relief from the stress. For me, that means gardening. So I bought some plants (8 I think), some dirt, a weeder for dandelions, and a few packages of easy to grow seeds. The weather here is bright and sunny and in the 70s. So this morning I went out and with help got the herb garden tub moved where it belongs. Then I murdered an entire bucket of dandelions. I dug up everything in the herb garden, tossing what was dead, being nice to what survived. Then I added nice new dirt and replanted the good ones along with the three extra ones I bought yesterday. I also realized I needed gloves about the fourth or fifth time I had to dig dirt out from under my nails. I also need grass seed to compete with the murdered remains of the dandelions. Then I emptied out one of the porch planters so I could plant pansies. I have this pretty new planter full of blue and white pansies.

Today's gardening is over and I feel much more relaxed as a result. So what's next? Well, tomorrow I will make a run to get the gloves and the grass seed. I'll also fill up the pots I bought (really cheap on sale) and will plant nasturtium, sweetpeas, and a wildlife blend of seeds. I have a leftover big pot from last year. That gets some columbines. After that I am almost done for this time. I'll plant two bulbs I have in the house, and see if they grow as well.

In a couple of weeks the main garden goes in. We're being a bit more circumspect this year and will mainly grow stuff we do does well in our climate. Next year, and yes I'm already planning, we will have spring bulbs (planted this fall), and then late summer and fall bulbs (planted later in the year). And my daughter has promised I get my lilac bush before the end of the year.

Gardening relaxes me. It is exercise with a purpose. It doesn't make demands and doesn't talk back. It just does what you want sometimes. It gives me a feeling of accomplishment like nothing else I know of. Best of all it forces me to go outside into the sunshine.

I have to go now. I am taking the dogs to visit my daughter. The garden has begun.

Another Week

Well, another week is in the books. It wasn't any more or less successful than any number of other such weeks, I guess. Tomorrow makes a full week since my daughter started serving her time for drunk driving. It's only been a week and already the bureaucracy, the petty hassles, the incompetence, and other such things are making her vow to never go back. I hope she is right.

I got back into my routine a bit more solidly, writing and quilting most days. I had a somewhat major setback when I discovered that the directions for making my afghan were totally wrong. This is going to necessitate pulling out and redoing an entire afghan. *sigh* Not only does this interfere with my schedule for ensuring all my things are done by the end of the year, but it's just a royal pita in general. After experimenting for several hours I've discovered a work-around that should work. To be sure, I will have to make eight of the small pieces and sew them together. Thus far I have two of them done.

I added some me time to my routines these days. That includes using lotion on rough spots on my legs, making sure I use my face moisturizer and other things like that daily. That includes a night cream. I'm already seeing some improvement. I've been pretty careless and getting older means more not less care.

I'm considering installing my story building software on my laptop computer. It would give me a nice safe place to store ideas, and would be easier to work on there than in my room where it gets pretty cold at times.

I got the results from my sleep study day before yesterday. Everything is just fine. The machine I use for sleep is calibrated correctly and nothing needs to be changed. Of course that does nothing to ensure that I sleep. So I sent my sleep doctor a note asking what the next steps are. I should hear back early next week and we'll see.

So as I said, it's yet another week. Nothing much going on.

Politics

Politics are getting interesting again, especially for a Monday morning. First we get this out of the Justice Department: An official there has said that if she is subpoenaed to testify in the Federal Attorney firing brouhaha she will take the fifth. That's an absolutely astounding and utterly interesting position since the White House swears on a stack of bibles that nothing illegal took place. I wonder what she knows that's so bad it could send her to jail if she were to openly tell the truth about it. I equally wonder how many other people know equally damaging stuff in this case.

What amazes me repeatedly about this whole thing is that there was supposedly nothing illegal about the president exercising his prerogative to fire federal attorneys. He didn't have to give any explanation to the public beyond the fact that it was his prerogative to do so and he was using it. That's been the case with every other president. Why then did this administration have to make up a pack of lies, and bad lies at that, which impugned the integrity of the attorneys being fired? Why couldn't they have just said the president wanted them replaced and let it go at that? What is it about this administration that has to make cloak and dagger out of something this simple?

The next thing to hit the political fan today is the outlines of the new Comprehensive Immigration policy that the congress is beginning to consider. It has some good stuff, and some really bad stuff in it in about equal portions. The good thing would be a legal immigrant database; the bad thing is that it would be administered by the Department of Homeland Security. I cannot imagine a more incompetent group to do something this important. A good thing would be more Immigration officials and Border Patrol, as well as a completed fence and observation devices; the bad thing is that they would be issuing six-year visas to illegals without requiring them to go home first. I understand that this part would also be without background, security, or criminal background checks.

The next good thing would be stricter harsher penalties for those hiring illegals; the bad is again it's under the Bush administration and Department of Homeland security. If Mr. Bush runs immigration policy the way he runs the war in Iraq, we might just as well turn over the keys to the country to Mexico now and abdicate our citizenship.

The nothing but bad thing is amnesty at the end of six years and a place at the head of the line for permanent resident or citizenship status. I don't know if there is a language requirement, but I know that there is a background and criminal check at this time, a few light fines, and the payment of back taxes. What they don't have to do is leave and apply from their home countries then wait for the paperwork to be processed which is what legal immigrants must do. These people would be required to leave, but that "leave" would mean as little as walking across the border at Juarez and then immediately turning around and walking back. They would then be allowed to live in this country while waiting for their paperwork to be processed which takes years under the most ideal circumstances. Meanwhile those who apply from outside the country must wait there all those years while those who snuck across the border and broke the law reap benefits from doing so.

The other questionable part of this plan is expansion of the legal, low-skilled labor program which currently allows about 5,000 of these people to come here legally if sponsored by a business with a job for them. This would expand to 400,000 a year. I don't have any details on how long they're allowed to stay here, etc.

As I said, it's been such a heavy news day that even Anna Nichole's autopsy is getting scant play on the news.

May you live in interesting times

I feel that pretty much defines my life right now. "Interesting" in terms that are not particularly fun or easy. I am thinking of ways to unstress. If stress were money I would be richer than Bill Gates at the moment. Unfortunately, because of promises I've made and my own peculiar brand of loyalty, I'm tied into the situation for at least another 3-4 months. After that things will have to change, if I don't have a heart attack from the stress first.

I am working on reducing the stress somewhat. For instance, I begin a program of meditation tonight just before I go to bed. Tomorrow I will be going to the doctor and from there to the Senior Center where I hope to enroll in a Tai Chi class that I think begins either next week or the week after. Meets twice a week for a month or two and teaches basic forms. It is followed by an intermediate course. I'm hoping these two changes will reap some benefits. For the near term I am also looking into getting a massage because I really loved the one I have had before and it left me all relaxed and noodly (precise scientific term) for hours.

I am a bit worried about my ability to handle such enormous loads of stress which is why I am doing these things. I've had several days recently where I've had periods where I felt disassociated and as if I were viewing the world through a long tunnel. Everything was slowed down. Now I grant you this could just be exhaustion brought on by the fact I rarely get sufficient sleep or anything even vaguely related to it. I'm working on that as well having seen a doctor twice now about it. I will be returning to the sleep specialist when the results of the latest tests are in.

Right now, however, I am sitting in my room with the door closed. I refuse to be a part of the current ongoing drama unfolding outside the confines of this room. It's early but I may just go to bed and take a nap. I skipped breakfast rather than be out there. I have no energy to play WoW and left the last of my afghan pieces out next to my chair. Don't feel like doing that right now anyway. Later when everyone leaves I'll go finish the last square and maybe even begin sewing them together.

Sleep would be nice. I don't care that I've only been out of bed a few hours.

Working on Changes

Sewmouse has inspired me to try to get better organized so I can actually do the things I want to do. I have managed to begin some things. I'm going to the doctor about my sleep problems and intend to keep with it until they find something that works. Yesterday I completed a five day, at-home sleep study, so am waiting for the end results of that.

I intend to go to the Senior Center in town either tomorrow or the next day and see not only what they have there that I might enjoy but also see if there is anything I might contribute as well. Sew has suggests a Tai Chi class which I have been looking into for quite some time. I guess I am still not entirely sure I could do it.

Another thing I have been doing faithfully is to work on my afghans. I finished making the last piece of the current one tonight and will begin piecing it together tomorrow. By Monday or so it will be finished and I can mail it off to its intended recipient. It's a wedding present for my sister/niece. Don't ask. That's an entirely different story. I'll post a picture here when it's done. That will leave four more to complete before Christmas.

There are three more things I need to add to my do every day list. The first is write on my story. Half an hour by the clock every single day. The second is work on the quilt I'm making for my son and daughter in law. Another half an hour every day while I listen to the news and drink coffee in the morning. What a perfect way to start a day. The final thing is to make a list of five things to do around either the house or the yard, then do them.

This is way more than enough for right now. When they become habits that are not slacked off on, I'll find other things. For instance, I have an appointment on Monday to have a thorough eye exam. It's possible I will be a candidate for cataract surgery one of these days soon. I know I have them; I just need to see how much worse they've become in the past year and a half. I know they are worse. I can see it.

I do plan to post here more often. On Thursday or Friday it will be about what I'm doing and my progress toward meeting my goals. On Sunday or Monday it will be about politics or something else that interests me personally. If I have other things then there are other days.

What a Shock

As with many older folks, I remember Van Halen as a great rock band. Eddie was the heart of the band; young, handsome, and enormously talented. I was shocked to find this picture of him today. I guess this is what a lifetime of hard drug use does to you.

I admit I'm horrified. I can't see any of the old Eddie VanHalen in this picture. I see a man who looks years older than me and utterly dissipated. It's really sad.

It's Going to be a Long Night

You can count on that. My daughter and I are both up and are both waiting for her former girlfriend to show up and try to break into the house. The woman is roaring shitfaced drunk and wants to get to my daughter. Right now she's out trying to find my daughter, but I warned her and she ran from where she was and came home. The doors are bolted and we're just waiting for all hell to break loose. My daughter is on the telephone with the police right now finding out what we have to do should she manage to break in. We know the door will hold as she's tried to kick that in before, but there are big glass windows.

We know she will come back here because she has nowhere else to go. All of her friends have given up on her erratic behavior. This all started earlier in the day. My daughter got another DUI and has been going through all the court stuff. Later this month she will be serving some jail time as well. The only really good news besides work release is that my daughter found out today that she will be able to get a provisional license that allows her to drive to and from work as soon as her jail time is over. This woman recently lost her license after she got busted for driving while on a suspended license. Seems she got stopped some months back and got a ticket (which she never paid) for driving without insurance. She's furious that my daughter gets her provisional license (she paid her fines, etc.) so she went out and got drunk, came back here, and things went to hell.

My daughter left to avoid a fight. Then this mess started. Right now this woman is in a nearby bar getting progressively drunker and drunker and and talking more and more violence. This has happened before. This time I am hoping my daughter is serious and doesn't just change her mind. I no longer trust the woman after some things she said to me, and after she tried to pick a fight with me. I refused to fight, telling her I'd be happy to talk to her later when she is sober. She left and later told people I had "gone off on her." Hell, I don't raise my voice to my daughter, much less to this woman. Then she called me a liar which buried it as far as I am concerned.

The police just left. The officer says there isn't much we can do, but if she tries to break down the door we are to call him and he'll come back immediately. He'll be in the area until 6 in the morning, so it should be ok other than for the upset. At least I hope so. We can't even lock ourselves in the back room. While I was talking Susan to a safe place, she kicked in the door and ruined the lock there. I have a hunch I'll get precious little sleep tonight.

Sleep

Today's the day. My appointment at the sleep clinic is only a few hours away. Actually I've got two appointments. One will have them check out the machine I use, the other one will be with the doctor.

I don't expect much to happen today as these are first appointments. I've been to sleep clinics repeatedly for years and they've not been able to actually help me sleep, but we'll see. There are lots of things they could do including trying sleeping pills to break the cycle of non-sleep. It will be interesting to see if something actually gets done. Still, a bit of hope is better than none, so I'm looking forward to going there.

With any luck, given the timing of the visit, I should be done and home without hitting too much of the commute. The traffic around here is awful and the area where I will be driving is one of the worst in the nation. On the other hand, I've driven it for years so I'm used to it.

I'm going prepared to have to wait a while between visits, but that's ok too. The actual appointments are an hour apart. That's not all that bad.

Miscellaneous Things

I haven't been posting here much. Mainly I'm busy and dealing with a lot of stress at the moment. Also, I'm posting a lot more in an area called gather.com. It has literally hundreds of discussion groups. My current favorite is the politics one which should come as no surprise to anyone. What I am proud of, given that the group has over 30,000 members is that I've had things I've posted as their front-page feature three times in the past ten days. I have some aspirations toward being a political blogger that people actually listen to, so this definitely doesn't hurt.

I'm making good progress with my current afghan (a Christmas present for my sister) and also on the quilt for my son. I had a small setback there yesterday because I wasn't paying attention and had to rip out a bunch of quilting so the area would lay flat. There is an order in which you must do these things and I didn't do that. Voila! Bunched up mess.

Some of you know that I also play an online game called WoW. It used to be fun, but the real world is intruding to such an extent that it's more of a chore to log on than it is fun to play. I have one low-level character I'm still having fun with, but I have to go play my main as well since in a few levels (well ok six huge levels) she gets to fly on her own like a bird. Actually as a bird. That will be such a kick. I haven't logged her on in like three days to do more than check mail.

I've been doing one thing this week that is helping with all the stress. I've begun making a list of all the things I have to be thankful for. The common ones and the not so common ones. It really does help to keep things in perspective.

My Latest Effort

This is my latest effort. I always have one project or another going. It's simply a part of who I am and what I do. I can't sit still without having a project in my hands.

This year I will be making something for virtually everyone on my Christmas list, plus two or three other things I've promised one person or another. I like this pattern because I like knitting to begin with, but also because it looks a lot more complicated than it actually is. The best part is that it's knitted in narrow strips so there are only 24 stitches on the needles at any one time.

I have already located the materials for the next one. After that is an afghan for my sister, another for my daughter's ex-husband's sister, another for my daughter's ex-husband's girlfriend, and possibly one for a couple of other people. Well, one very very involved one for one special person, and a much easier, but fairly flashy one for another person.

This does not include finishing a queen sized quilt and making a quilted computer carrying case. That should keep my hands busy for a bit.

I done good

It's sort of coincidental that my friend Sewmouse published a piece on finding books for her family that meant a lot to them when they were younger.

My son's birthday was the 31st. When we were talking he mentioned how much he wanted to find his two favorite children's books so he could read the books he loved to his daughter. I promised him I would look, but to be honest they were kid's books from 30 or more years ago. The odds were not good. Or so I thought.

Bright and early the next day I started my search. Almost immediately I found the first of the two books. I ordered it on Amazon.com and it began winging its way to him. I sent him an email telling him I had found it.

Unfortunately I had no luck with the second book. Then quite by accident, while typing something into an email, I discovered I was spelling piranha wrong. I was leaving out the "h". I typed it into a Google search and almost immediately got a number of hits, one of which gave me the author's name, the publisher, and the date it was published. Armed with that and crossed fingers, I hit Amazon again. Immediate success. That one is on its way to him as well. Both should arrive within a day or two of one another.

I felt so good being able to do that. I remember these books from when David was just a child. I remember his laugh as he read them over and over. Now I have been able to help out and see that his daughter enjoys the very same books he so loved as a kid. That makes me happy.