Talk about a miscarriage of justice

I was listening to the radio on the way home from the store when this story came on. I was fuming by the end and still am. There is a woman in the Seattle area. She used to have three kids. A baby, a kid a bit over one year old, and one two and a half. She and the babies' father are not living together. When he didn't hear from her for quite a long time, he went over to where she lived.

He found her passed out drunk on the couch with over 330 beer cans tossed around a filthy room. Two of the children, the younger two, were dead of malnutrition and neglect. The third was barely alive and may be brain damaged.

Today the prosecutor announced that she's unfit to stand trial and dropped all charges. She will go to the state funny farm for a year or two, then more likely than not will be released to carry on her life, a thing she denied two of her three children. Whatever happened to personal responsibility? She chose to drink like that. She chose to not feed or care for those children. Yet she walks. If she wanted to drink herself to death she could at least have seen to it that the children were safe. She chose not to, and chose to let them die.

To say I'm really angry is putting it mildly.

Why Women Don't Sew Any More

When I was growing up, a lot of women sewed. We made clothes for ourselves and our kids, made stuff for the house, etc. It was cheaper and stuff fit better. I was a particularly good seamstress and for two summers was actually paid to sew costumes for a university's summer theater program. That was one of the most fun times of my life because I love live theater, always have. Working and living in the world of the theater for two summers was magical for me.

I've probably mentioned elsewhere that it's cold where I am. Of late I've been considering picking up a pattern and sewing myself a couple of flannel slips to wear under my skirts for warmth. They would sew up fast. Fabric is still a good buy in most places, so it seemed like a good idea. Yesterday I finally got to my local Joann's Fabrics, and I discovered why women don't sew any more. They can't afford to. Patterns for the simplest things cost around $16, while the really fancy stuff is more. It's simply cheaper to buy whatever you want ready made and alter it to fit. Add to that the fact that most of the pattern catalogs don't even carry undergarments like slips any more, and you can see why I say it's just not worth it. I can buy a slip such as I want for under $20 online. It would cost me almost that for the pattern if they had them. That's ridiculous.

A Disturbing Mindset

There is a new vaccine on the market. It protects girls and women against cervical cancer and genital warts that are caused by a specific set of viruses. The tests show that it will prevent 70% of all cervical cancers and 90% of genital warts. Both of these conditions are passed on by sexual contact.

To be most effective, the girls have to be vaccinated before they become sexually active. Once a woman is sexually active, the vaccine still offers considerable protection, but not as great as when the girls are vaccinated around the age of nine.

You would think that people would be doing handsprings that this terrible disease has become manageable. In some instances, however, this is not the case. There is a vocal group out there who don't want the vaccine even offered because they fear it will "encourage young women to be sexually promiscuous". I admit I don't even begin to understand why someone would deny this unarguably life-saving vaccination to their own children, much less want to see it denied to every other child.

If the argument were that the drug has no long term studies for its safety or that the side effects are not well known as yet, I would acknowledge that those are both valid reasons to take a wait and see attitude. Many of us remember a drug called DES which was given to pregnant women to prevent miscarriages. Over time it became evident that while the drug indeed prevented miscarriages, it also exposed female children born to those mothers to an inordinately high incidence of cervical cancer.

What I find mind boggling is that there are parents out there who would see their own daughters die or become permanently sterile by a preventable disease for no other reason than as a punishment for having sex before marriage. This same argument was offered against the birth control pill where the threat of an unwanted pregnancy was punishment for not heeding the warnings against premarital sex. I find such narrow minded focus to be utterly incomprehensible. Yes. Abstinence is undoubtedly the best path for the majority of youngsters for a variety of reasons. It is, however, unrealistic to expect to terrorize them into abstaining. This sort of mindset and control has to come from within not be imposed from without. The biggest thing is that it begs off recognizing human nature, rape, incest, and a number of other factors.

Simply put, sometimes people don't think rationally and young people often exhibit poor judgment and do things that they really shouldn't do. They are impulsive and thoughtless. We can curb this tendency in our children to some extent, but not entirely. The consequences of such actions should not be death or an unwanted pregnancy. Pregnancy should never be viewed as a punishment. I also defy anyone, religious or not, to tell me why one bad decision should condemn a girl to a long, slow, painful death. What these people seem to be saying is that they would prefer to see their daughters die from cervical cancer than risk that she might have premarital sex and have the punishment element removed. Further, they are saying that no only should their own daughters be exposed to the risk of dying from this preventable disease, but that everyone else's daughter should as well. I find this to be a disturbing mindset.

Pressure and Stress

For the past couple of weeks I have been feeling more and more as if I live in a defective pressure cooker. There is pressure from all sides, I feel shut in, and there is no way to let off steam.

I am not a person given to outward displays of bad temper or other acting out. I expect to act as an adult. Since I moved back to Washington I have not made any new friends who actually live close enough to talk to face to face. I have only rarely left the house other than for essential errands for well over a year. Since I don't work and my daughter goes to watch TV in her room or nap I pretty much am existing in total isolation with only the Internet, some good online friends, and a game as outlets.

My daughter has a severe drinking problem and about six weeks or so ago she was pulled over on her second DUI in three years with a blood alcohol level of 2.5 times the legal limit. So we've been living with this. She said she quit drinking, but that's not exactly true I found out recently. As I said, I don't say much. Mainly I don't because she doesn't listen anyway.

When she's drinking she tends to be rude and hyper critical, which means she was bitching at me about minor things when she was talking to me. I mean so minor as leaving my bedroom light on while I went to the bathroom.

Just before this DUI incident, she had a breakup with her then girlfriend that resulted in the girlfriend being arrested and a restraining order issued. The girlfriend, in fact, was the one who goaded my daughter on the phone until Susan lost her temper and took off drunk off her ass to confront her.....and got pulled over and arrested. That part doesn't sound too bad until you know that the girlfriend is back. All is forgiven. *sigh* Again, I have said nothing since nobody would listen anyway.

Today was my daughter's court date. She plead guilty on the advice of her attorney so that the prosecutor would recommend a lighter sentence. It appears now as if she will be sentenced to 45 days in jail with work release for her job, another 30-90 days on home detention (she can only leave the house to go to work). Her license is suspended as of today. In a year she can apply for a provisional license. That means that for an additional two years she can only drive to and from work, and must have a breathalyser installed in the car. If she slips up even once, then it's six months in prison and a very large fine. Probably more because some new laws are about to go into effect.

There are other things of this type that are driving me nuts. Several others. The downside of all of this pressure is that I'm getting by on perhaps 3-4 hours of broken sleep a night and am so exhausted I have no energy for any of the bazillion things I need to be doing every day. I have an appointment at the sleep clinic the end of next month and maybe that will eventually help. I'm considering meditation but don't have a clue as to how to start with that.

The bottom line is that I am tired of being so tired. I want energy to write, and finish my website, and work on my projects. I'd like to feel that the prospect of a walk wouldn't be more energy than I can muster. Even thinking about it takes too much energy. I would love to finish my book and perhaps sell some magazine articles. I want to finish my non-fiction book outline. Right now I am barely eating (a good thing) and feel as if my head is stuffed with cotton. I'm back to having an upset stomach all the time, and a raging headache most of the time. I'm bored and too tired to even care.

Discouraging Day

This is not starting out to be a good day. I woke up barely able to walk for about the first hour of the day. I had somehow managed to turn onto my back and then lock my knees, resulting in both legs hurting like mad until the circulation finally got restored. They are fine now.

I checked and found that we are nearly out of the wood we will need to heat the house the rest of the winter, so we will have to buy more in order to make it through. Considering that the Social Security people "forgot" to take out my supplemental Medicare insurance premiums for three months, I will be extremely short of money from the end of Feb until the end of March. *sigh*

Then I went out today and spent money I don't really have on a new headset for my computer because I need to be able to talk to my game guild during our dungeon runs. Unfortunately it doesn't work. Well, half of it does. The earphones part. I already have working earphones. Better ones at that. The microphone doesn't work. I am heading out to the website now. Of course there isn't a manual with these things. I can't actually take them back since they came in one of those plastic bubble things you have to destroy to get the damned things out.

I decided to eat garbage for lunch and stopped by Wendy's for a jalapeno burger. They don't make them any more.

I think I will go to bed.

Common Civility

Whatever happened to common civility? I remember as a child my parents working hard to make sure I had good manners. Adult men did not even swear in the presence of women and children. Using bad language or being intentionally rude could get your mouth washed out with soap.

Today the anonymity people enjoy on the Internet and the political climate in this country seems to have convinced people that civility is no longer a necessary part of any adult's normal personality. It's no longer enough to disagree with someone and explain why. You have to call him or her stupid names and insult their opinions, etc. It's not enough that we formulate stupid names for groups whose philosophies we disagree with, now we have to do it with people as well.

It doesn't make a person look educated, intelligent, informed, or incisive and powerful when they look down their nose at someone else and then express their contempt in rude and derisive terms. More importantly, it doesn't foster a climate in which a genuine exchange of ideas, a sharing of philosophies, compromise, and perhaps better understanding can take place. For that matter, when did the word compromise become a dirty word?

Somewhere along the line we seem to have lost the ability to view those with whom we disagree as fellow human beings who have ideas that don't conform to ours. We see them as the enemy, as stupid, etc. and because they don't agree with us, we ourselves become the very type of person we most abhor in others. We hate people who disagree with us politically and wish them ill or even dead rather than recognizing they simply see things differently. This particularly alarms me because all you have to do is look at militant Islam and the Middle East to see what happens to people when they lose the ability to view people with whom they differ as fellow human beings. Or step closer to home and look at how some people treat gays in public.

I've been watching this trend grow over the years. It's change for certain, but I'm not sure feeling free to call someone stupid, an idiot, etc. is really a step forward.

Hatred and Divisiveness

The hatred and divisiveness of political discourse these days is really alarming. Not only does it mean hardened positions with no room to maneuver and to compromise when necessary for the common good, it means that each side of an issue doesn't even hear the arguments of the other.

This is the legacy of Watergate, and after George Bush is gone from office, it will almost certainly become his legacy as well. There is no question that since Watergate political divisiveness has grown. When the Republicans with the help of the religious neocons of the far right took power the circle was completed. They went after Bill Clinton with a viciousness never before seen in American politics, even during their worst days. They literally spent tens of millions of dollars chasing any way they could find to bring charges, even trumped up ones. It was a bitter pill for them to swallow in the end when all they could do was see their personification of evil acquitted of lying about a blowjob.

So now we see Mr. Bush. First of all, were the political system not irreparably broken he could never have been president. The far right, however, has successfully driven most men and women who might be superbly qualified for the job out of the arena with their rabid persecutions. A reference to the Swiftboat or the Willie Horton (Bush's dad) ads are excellent examples as is the backlash response of attacking the current Mr. Bush's National Guard record, or more precisely, lack thereof. The man is a product of the elite class. He's never held an honest job in his life that wasn't handed to him through the influence or interdiction of others. He's out of touch with the working and middle classes. He has the arrogance that comes with too much money and too little responsibility and the pig-headedness that accompanies religious neocons who cannot imagine they can possibly be wrong about anything.

And the circle is complete. Only a miracle will break the cycle of hate and retaliation now. The harm caused by Mr. Bush's ill conceived war in Iraq and his incomplete war in Afghanistan will haunt our society for generations as we see or children and grandchildren taxed to pay for them. The failures there and Mr. Bush's squandering of our reputation with the world community will echo for a very long time as well.

We will have another president in just under two years, and he or she will be left to clean up Mr. Bush's mess as someone has cleaned up after him his entire life. The next political campaign will be another vicious cycle of false accusations, personal aspersions, and character assassination. The really qualified people are already distancing themselves, and what remains will be those who can raise a lot of money to buy the election in one way or the other. Once again we'll approach the ballot box not to vote for a candidate who will fill us with confidence and hope, but rather holding our noses and picking the person we think will do the least damage. If we bother going at all.

Web Site

Well, I've finally gotten off of my ample backside and began work on a new website. I will need it for a lot of things if any of my plans come to fruition this year. Besides, it's good practice....I keep telling myself that as I tear my hair out.

My first decision was to use a template for the site since it has been so very long since I've actually worked on a site. I've built several from the ground up by hand, but I don't really have much imagination where site design is concerned and my stuff frequently resembles something a kid might draw with crayons. I wanted a professional site, so that's what I set out to build.

If you have read any of this blog you already know the story of the infamous boomerang site building book. But it was worth the trouble. Over the past few days I have selected my template and set out to begin constructing the site. That's where the trouble started. Learning where in the code to put everything was a challenge. Knowing how to read the code in the first place helps a lot, but I still had a lot of work. Today I finally finished the last of building the bare bones skeleton for the site. The links work. I like the way it looks, etc. I've decided on content, what goes where, layout, and all that.

Now the real work begins. I will be slowly building the site, page by page of content. There will be dozens (in the end maybe a hundred or so) of pages. Some I have. Some I will create over the next couple of weeks. It is beginning to look good, and that part I love. I'm still tearing out my hair more often than not. But I am also making progress. Right now I have put it all up for the day. I have earned a nap or at least a time to relax with a movie.

UGH!

Well, the president is out trying to drum up support for his latest non-plan for Iraq. Again he starts with references to 9/11 and transitioned into Iraq as if the two were somehow related. "Leave before the job is done" has apparently replaced "cut and run" as the horror to be avoided. "Stay the course," is nowhere to be heard.

Again he offers platitude after platitude and generality after generality rather than present a real plan with measurable milestones to track progress toward the goal. Of course the "goal" has only been defined as "victory" with absolutely no definition of what that might be or how we can tell when it's accomplished.

He is speaking before a military audience in Ft. Benning, GA, and the response to his remarks is tepid at best. The expressions on the faces of those forced to be there and listen to this tripe says much more about how these people feel than anything they might say if asked by the media.

The saddest thing is that he still refuses to acknowledge that the country has a multitude of other problems that need to be addressed, all of which he has studiously avoided in his mad rush to war. He invokes the boogie man over and over again. He punctuates his comments with a smarmy smile that I'm sure is intended to convey compassion and leadership. It got so irritating and so embarrassing to watch that I came in here to work on my website and to write. It is really sad when our president elicits a cringe of sympathy rather than a surge of confidence and hope.

Update on the continuing Amazon drama

Some of you may have read my previous post about my frustration with Amazon and a book delivery. Well the saga continues.

Today I got two emails saying that they had sent my sister's Christmas present back because nobody there would accept the package. They then called my sister and told her they were refunding her money. There are a couple of problems there. First off, the package had never been taken to the house. And yes, the address was correct. Secondly, my sister never ordered it so it was rather premature for them to be refunding her account. So I have contacted Amazon yet again. We'll see how it works out.

Now for more on the notorious boomerang package. As you may remember, I ordered an overnight delivery that UPS finally got to my door on Monday (three days late). So yesterday morning I took the unopened package back to the UPS store and told them to return it to Amazon, and told them why. The guy there said "no problem." He obviously underestimated UPS's ability to really screw things up. This morning the same package is back on my doorstep and I have re-contacted Amazon asking how in hell I get it back to them if UPS keeps bringing the same package back to me. Inquiring minds want to know these things.

Man am I getting frustrated.

A funny expression

I was listening to a medical report on CNN this morning and suddenly it occurred to me that announcers almost always use the phrase "prostate cancer in men," or "prostate problems in men." Why do they have to specify that these problems occur in men? How many women in history have ever experienced prostate problems? Isn't the fact that a disorder occurs with the prostate be a sufficient clue that the sufferer is male?

This is not like breast cancer, which while rare in men, does happen from time to time. There is a 100% chance that any normal woman doesn't have a prostate. Hell, most abnormal ones don't have them either. So what's the deal?

Hope

Yeah ok. So I should know better. I'm still hoping for something to happen.

I have a chance to be paid for producing political opinions. Ok. It's not much money. Maybe $150/mos for a few opinion pieces a month. But it would be so cool. I'd be practically turning handsprings if I got it (if it wouldn't snap both my wrists off). It would also serve to make me feel useful and productive. That's part of what I'm working on this year.

So while I know better, I have let my hopes up a bit.

Progress

Well, the first week of the new year is gone and I've actually made some pretty amazing progress on keeping to my schedule. Not as good as I would wish, of course, but amazing nevertheless. I've managed to chip away at each of my projects every single day. Some days I get more done than others. This coming week I'll add doing a certain amount of cleaning to the mix, which will even more limit my time.

As a result I've been playing WoW a lot less. This is for two reasons actually. First of all, since my character cannot advance in levels it gets boring doing the same thing over and over again. This is also true with advancing lower level characters. I'm doing the same quests I've done half a dozen or more times before. This isn't anyone's fault. I am suddenly really busy with a bunch of real life stuff, and a lot of what people do in the game such as PvP and battlegrounds are things I'm just plain not interested in. I created a human warlock character and have been playing her a bit, but even that has scaled back.

Right now I'm very occupied with working on a quilt for my son, completing 3-5 afghans for Christmas (depending on how ambitious I get), building and launching my website, writing web content, working on two books and the story line for a third and a fourth (yeah Sew, even you don't know about that fourth which is much older than any of the others), and other things. I start a Tai Chi class on Feb 2. Obviously when the new expansion comes out I'll be gaming a lot more since Mit wants to fly. Flying cow. I can just hear the jokes on that one.

It's good to be busy. It makes the days go faster. Sometime early next month I'll be going in for an evaluation on my sleep problem. I'm also scheduling an eye examination and a hearing test. And yeah, as much as I totally and utterly hate the idea, a full physical is on the agenda, but probably not until spring. Then is the dentist too.

The bottom line here is that this is a huge transition time for me from one part of my life to the rest of it. As you can tell from the above, I don't do idle very well. For now, I'm getting more coffee and breakfast. Then I need to shower, dress, and get ready to go out in a couple of hours.

I am totally, utterly furious

On Thursday, tired of struggling to build a website one atom at a time and taking hours to do the simplest things, I ordered a book from Amazon with 120 pre-built web templates. I paid almost the cost of the book for next day delivery.

Friday came and went. No package. I checked the website to track the package and the UPS delivery guy had posted he had attempted to deliver the package twice without success BECAUSE THE ADDRESS WAS INCORRECT!!!!

Excuse me? They've been delivering packages here for over two years and they suddenly cannot find the place? I checked my order. The address was correct. I tried to call UPS. They were closed and their manager (the only human being you can talk to there) had a full voice mail box. The front desk said don't leave voice messages because we won't get them.

So today I called again and this time got a phone answering person. He confirmed that the address is correct. But guess what? They don't deliver on the weekend. That means by the time I get it my overnight package will have taken either four or five days depending on whether I go in and pick it up on Monday or let them try for a re-delivery on Tuesday. I'm hardly going to let them try to re-deliver the package since they can't find the place anyway. Why assume they could find it a third time?

So here I sit. I'm about as furious as I remember being for a very very long time. I'm going to have to personally go pick it up days late. Right now I'm going to go to Home Depot and buy some 4-5 inch high letters for the house. Maybe I should get ones that are a foot high just in case. Grrr!!!!!

The New Year

It's another year. I find that downright astounding. Where did the last one go? My main ambition this year is to get organized so that I begin finishing projects that are important to me.

Part will be crafty stuff such as making afghans and quilting. I've determined to make most of my gifts for next year and I fully plan to have everything done for Christmas by Dec. 1 including the mailing. This means I have to do some on the current projects every day. With quilts I want to get the one I'm working on finished, then tackle the one I have in my chest for Sewmouse that I promised to finish. I wouldn't mind getting the third one its backing and batting and have it on the frame by the end of the year.

I am determined to get a website built and running this year. Even if I never make a dollar off of it, I want to have a website devoted to writing in its many forms. From what I've read it's really needed. Perhaps I can finish the outline I have for a book on technical writing for non-writers. There are two large potential markets there, and it's possible there is a third I need to think about. If the proposal is done then I can try to market it. Tomorrow I want to finish designing the front page and get some of the coding done. Today is a day off to screw around and watch Harry Potter movies.

Writing is my focus this year. I have two books I've been messing along with this past year. It's time I give them time every day. A finished first draft of one of them would be a little bit of heaven. I'm not sure I can do it, but at least I can make positive strides toward the goal.

My main goal isn't really to finish stuff as much as to make steady progress toward a goal. Every day. If I can find time and energy I would like to begin meditating every day. I think it would be something very positive I could do for myself. I also need to check out a couple of exercise classes designed for those with limited mobility. I would love to do Tai Chi but the class I know is designed for people like me is closed at the moment while they move to a new location. I'll definitely take it when it's next available.

So those are my rather grandiose plans for the new year. There is bound to be other stuff that will come up and I will deal with that when it arises. For now at least I have a plan. It will be interesting to see how long I can stick to it.