Thursday, December 28, 2006

Dog Lessons

My daughter's dog (the one whose picture is on this blog) is an exceptionally badly behaved animal. My daughter has spoiled him rotten to the point he feels he has to mind only when he chooses. This is not an alternative with me, so over the past two years I've been slowly training him. He's far from perfect, but he does mind me much of the time.

Today, however, was not one of those days. Both dogs were outside and I was preparing to leave to go grocery shopping and to run some errands. I called them in. He was busy eating shit and didn't want to come in at the time. So I let the other dog in and locked up and ran my errands, leaving a short haired dog outside in sub-freezing temperatures. Before you get the wrong idea, there is a well-insulated doghouse out there so he wasn't really outside. But he was not in where it is marginally warmer either. He was not a happy camper, but I'll bet that the next time I say "come on in, Brisco," he makes a beeline for the door. He's stubborn but he's not really as stupid as he acts.

We are all feeling bad about his sister. I wrote about finding a mass in her mouth before Christmas. The results are in. It's malignant melanoma. They say she has anywhere from 4 months to a year to live. We all talked it over and will not subject her to major surgery and radiation. She's 12-1/2 years old. There is no point making her last few months sick and miserable. As long as her quality of life is good, we'll do our best to make her happy. When she begins declining, she will be put to sleep. That's going to break my heart. She's probably the sweetest, gentlest dog I've ever met. I will sincerely miss her.

Tuesday, December 26, 2006

Cold

Cold seems to rule my life at the moment. I am always freezing. My daughter heats the house with wood, which is fine when she makes sure we have plenty and can use it. Unfortunately a couple of days ago something went wrong with the fuse panel in the house. It will have to be repaired before we can use the blower for the stove that warms the house. Unfortunately Susan cannot afford the repairs at this time. It's like 48 degrees in the house at the moment. I will light a fire shortly, but it will do little to chase the chill without the blower to circulate the air.

Right now I am wearing lined slippers, heavy socks, fleece sweats (wish I could wear two pair), three sweaters and gloves. And I am freezing.

What's worse is that the circuit for my lamp is on the same one as the blower, et al. We simply don't dare throw the breaker for this circuit as it's sparking and could start a fire in the walls. So I also can't use my bright light which means I can only quilt and read during the daylight hours.

I am sincerely hoping something breaks, but the way things are right now it appears it will be spring before Susan gets the money from her divorce settlement and can get the circuit box fixed and buy the new, more efficient stove. That's a lot of very cold days ahead. Also, if she doesn't make an issue of getting her nephews over here to chop the rest of the wood we actually have we will run out within a week or so. If that happens I will go online and order a cord delivered and pay for it myself. I'm simply not going to be that cold with the worst and coldest of the season yet to come.

I got a gift card from Joann's for Christmas. I'll buy some heavy flannel and will make myself two flannel slips. I also plan to buy two pair of long thermal knit undies for wearing under sweats. With the slips it should be warmer. My gloves are fingerless but work wonderfully to keep my poor hands more or less warm. Without them I would barely be able to use my hands they would hurt so badly. I hate being this cold.

Monday, December 25, 2006

Merry Christmas

I want to wish everyone a Merry Christmas. Another year is coming to an end. It's amazing how fast they fly by now. When I was drying my hair the other day I noticed for the first time that once you get beneath the brown layer, the underneath is almost all grey. Another sign of getting old I guess.

I have this enormous wish list for the next year. I have health insurance again for the first time in years, so I am going to pursue sleep. I haven't slept through a night in around 20 years. I'm making an appointment with the sleep clinic where my insurance lies to book an appointment for yet another sleep study. My intention is to get this problem under control within the next year. I also have to see to getting a hernia repair which I will put off until the last possible moment (I loathe surgery), my cataracts repaired, and a bone spur on my heel repaired. Other than that, I'm actually disgustingly healthy other than my weight.

Weight is an issue, but not on the front burner for the upcoming year. I plan to tweak my diet as I go along, but not worry overmuch. I'm too old to care and it's not as if someone is suddenly going to find me overwhelmingly attractive should I lose a large amount of weight. Besides, if one should I would reject him as overly superficial. I'm a treasure as I am, excess weight or no.

Writing is a big issue this coming year. Getting organized is important. Building my website is critical. My hope is to find a modest way of earning money. I don't need much.

I am planning two trips this coming year: one to Chicago and one to North Carolina to visit the rest of my family there. My only hesitation is that they are going to allow cell phone blather on airplanes. I may check into trains or even the bus to avoid having to put up with self-important people and their boring blather on those damned phones.

Anyway, I am busy planning for the new year. Everyone enjoy the last days of this year, and I wish you the very best for the upcoming one.

Monday, December 18, 2006

Another Year

*sigh* Another year gone. They just seem to slip by. I retired this year. I didn't do it voluntarily but rather because there were no more jobs to be had in my profession. I'm just too damned old to retrain into a new one. That leaves me with the dilemma of trying to figure out how to make money off of what I do best. So far I haven't found any solutions but I'm still trying to find something. I utterly reject the idea of "do you want fries with that," or "Welcome to WalMart" as an alternative.

Things are pretty somber around my house today anyway. Yesterday I discovered a huge mass growing inside one of my daughter's dog's mouth. The emergency vet holds out little hope that it is anything other than a malignancy. They lost their other dog (litter mate to this one) to cancer a year ago. This is one of the most gentle, even-tempered, sweet dogs. She's never any problem at all. My daughter and her ex are not taking it well. Both are devastated as they love these dogs as if they were their own children. They decided to make the dog as comfortable as possible and will keep her as long as they can for as long as her health is good. They won't subject her to surgery and radiation. She's 12 years old. Far too old for her last days to be miserable through surgery to remove half her jaw and the sickness of radiation. They will let her go quietly when the time comes. We will know more by the end of the week when she sees her regular vet and they do a biopsy on the mass.

Parenting

I sometimes wonder why people even bother to have children. My daughter agreed to babysit for a friend's seven-year-old son on Saturday. At first it was just supposed to be for a few hours, then it became overnight. This was fine. The kid is a handful according to his mother, but he's never been a problem with either my daughter or with me.

The thing is his mother seems to regard him as a nuisance that has to be handled somehow. Most of the time she simply turns on the TV or puts him in a room by himself with a gaming console and some of the most violent games out there with no regard for their suitability for a seven-year-old child. It is a given among her friends that she will never return when she promises when they agree to watch him.

Just recently she was admonished by his school and threatened with being reported for child neglect unless she began such things as feeding him a decent diet regularly, seeing to it that he does his homework, and ensuring he has a reasonable bedtime. Even more recently she was called to the school because her son reported he had been sexually molested by the mother's partner. This turned out not to be true, but apparently the kid knows how much the partner hates him (and says so in front of him) and he didn't like the idea that he and his mother were moving into the same apartment.

The child's father claims the child has numerous allergies. The mother has never asked to see the medical report to ensure this is true and feeds the child anything she wants without bothering to see if he is actually allergic. Her argument is that it doesn't make him sick so he can't be allergic to it.

My question is simply why would a woman such as this even bother to have children? She doesn't really care about him. I asked him over the weekend what kind of books his mother reads to him, thinking of maybe getting him a book for Christmas. He looked at me as if I had taken leave of my senses. This isn't a bad kid, but it is definitely a neglected child.

Yesterday morning I discovered a nasty mass growing inside my daughter's dog's mouth that required the dog to go to an emergency vet immediately. Susan called the boy's mother and told her she had to come and get him and told her why. She was really put out by the fact she had to get her own son. I won't babysit for the child; not because I don't like him but because I've done my babysitting in the past and don't care to do it any more now. This annoys the boy's mother who seemed to have marked me as a babysitter when she was told I had retired.

So I repeat...if you don't want to take the time to raise a child, why have one? Why not surrender custody to the boy's father since she obviously isn't willing to actually interact with him any more than she absolutely has to? This really bothers me.

Saturday, December 16, 2006

Getting Things Done

These past few days have been good for me in terms of getting stuff done. I just got home from mailing packages. Everything will arrive by Christmas other than one thing for Sewmouse that unfortunately hasn't arrived yet, despite being shipped on the 7th. I guess it's coming by way of the pony express or something.

Yesterday I got six potholders cut and pieced. Still have to do the sashes. I also have to cut two more at Susan's request. I will do that today and also get the backings and heat-resistant batting cut and everything pinned together. Susan is going to help me sew them all as gifts for family.

Tomorrow and then Tues. I'll do the holiday cooking/baking I need to do for gifts. That will pretty much finish off my work for the holidays. We have dinner with the ex and others on Friday evening, then a big family gathering with a traditional meal on Saturday. Sunday is just for lazy and of course Monday is Christmas. Then that's all out of the way for another year.

I was thinking today just how much small things matter these days. More specifically small acts of kindness by total strangers. When I was in Costco today I reached for a box of the premade fireplace logs. The box weighs 54 lbs. and I knew it would be a struggle to get it in the cart. A nice young man came over and picked it up for me and put it in the cart. That was really nice. As I was pulling out of the parking lot, another guy stopped and helped me get out because I couldn't see traffic well. Then when I went to mail my packages, a woman held the door for me because my arms were so full.

I realize these are very small common courtesies, but they are so rare today they bear commenting upon. These people brightened my day. To me that counts.

Friday, December 15, 2006

Storm

We had a humongous storm last night. Winds in some parts of the state hit 100 mph. High winds are a particular hazard where I live since we are surrounded by huge Douglas fir and cedar trees, some 50 feet or more high. we've been having a record-breaking wet season so the ground is saturated. The trees are shallow rooted anyway, and with the wet ground can be uprooted by high winds.

My daughter called a few minutes ago. She's out right now and is scared by the damage she is seeing caused by trees falling. We have this huge old tree in the back yard that was swaying badly last night. She's going to have someone come out and evaluate its stability. If that one came down it would take out any one of several homes within its range. I'm not even sure how they would get it down. In pieces I would suppose since it's well over 50 feet hight. She will leave it if it's stable.

The rain was coming down at a rate of over 2 inches an hour. There was also thunder and sheet lightening. It was quite a storm. Two of our floating bridges were shut down, and one remains closed today since four huge bolts sheered away because of the wind and wave action. Many of the freeways were closed because of standing water. The commute this morning is going to be a royal mess. At least I don't have to worry about that.

So far the death toll is only one but that will probably go up as they begin finding people. The one was a woman who drowned in her own basement.

It's raining this morning but the winds are gone and the weather service says things will be ok. Where I am we got flickering lights and the cable went out a couple of times. I stayed offline and shut down my daughter's computer as well. We're fine other than for a nervous dog. He hates thunder and when it started he tried to climbed into my lap. This would be ok were he a little guy, but he's 70 lbs. That's too big for a lap dog. I know. A couple of months ago my daughter got upset and was yelling and slamming doors around the house and he actually did climb all the way into my lap then sat leaning against my chest shivering. Big whoose.

Thursday, December 14, 2006

Conundrum

The president has been saying for the past week or so that he won't accept anything but total victory in Iraq, he won't set a timetable or even give us a plan for making the victory happen. Heck, he won't even define what "victory" means to him.

He also has said repeatedly that Iraq is a sovereign nation, and cites the constitution and the elections to prove that it is its own country making its own decision.

Now the Vice-President of Iraq has told people in Washington, D.C. that the U.S. has to come up with a timetable (no time really soon) for withdrawal with milestones, etc. How does this reconcile with the President's adamant assertions that he absolutely will not leave Iraq until he has accomplished his personal goals there? If the government itself tells the U.S. to set a timetable within x so many months to withdraw its troops, yet conditions on the ground don't meet with Mr. Bush's definition of "total victory," what happens?

It appears to me there can be only three possible actions. The first is that Bush complies with the Iraqi government demand for a U.S. withdrawal because Iraq is a sovereign nation. The second is that he complies but beefs up troops and launches an all out offensive so he gets his "victory" first. Or third, he tells them to stuff it and we'll leave when he is ready to leave and not a day before.

Personally I cannot see Bush stepping back and graciously saying "I think you're making a mistake, but you're the boss. Of course we'll leave." If the Iraqi government actually asks the United States to leave by a set date I think you'll see Mr. Bush's true colors emerge bright and clear. It should be interesting to watch.

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Doctors

I went to the doctor today for the first time in several years. I qualified for Medicare the first of this month and picked a good insurance gap program, so I went. I have no really serious health issues, but there were a couple of things that bugged me, so I went.

First off, everyone really treated me nicely and I like both the doctor I chose and the facility. I wasn't lectured or talked down to. The best part is that the doctor actually listened to me. I got half of what I wanted. The second half, to help my insomnia, will have to wait. The doctor decided that rather than just give me sleeping pills, they would do another sleep study, re-evaluate the machine I am using, and some other things. While it will take longer, he actually seemed to want to see it fixed. I'm content. I won't go into the first problem I discussed with him as it's a bit embarassing, but whatever it was he gave me seems to have started working from the instant I took the first of the medication.

Given how badly things started off today, this visit was a nice event. I have other things I need to do but this is a start. I got lost on the way to the office, the directions were faulty. Fortunately I got there in time and feel better about it now. I made the right choice of a health care provider. It is nice to have insurance again.

Friday, December 08, 2006

Memories

Someone on a message board today asked what I would be doing right now if I could be doing anything I wished. My answer was that I would be back in Hawaii with my brother's friends at his retirement party this past summer.

Let me say first that I hated Hawaii the first time I was there. There were no trade winds and it was hot, stickly, and utterly awful. This time I went only because my brother was retiring from the Navy and he asked that I be there. I love my brother totally and agreed to go.

He rented a beach house for his friends and as a party site. My brother is what is called an ACINT (I think that's right) Runner. It's a higly specialized and very classified job in the Navy that has had only a couple of hundred members total, and usually not more than 50 at any one time. They are an elite group. I didn't realize how elite until I began meeting them.

I was literally blown away by how nice, how bright, how friendly, and how intelligent they all were. I treasured every moment of my time there (with very little exception). I got to talk to people who were my intellectual equal in every way and who regarded me as theirs. We were interested in the same things and talked politics and other things literally for hours. We drank, talked, laughed, and got to know one another. I can feel the bond with these people to this day and it brings tears to my eyes to remember how happy I was during that time. For one magical week in paradise, I was not lonely or islolated.

The house Roy (my brother) rented was right on the beach. We sat outside for the most part. We drank too much, ate too much, talked too much, and were reticent to say goodnight and part company. I can see it in my mind, but even if I couldn't I have a CD of hundreds of pictures of those times from a dozen different cameras.

I'm going to make a New Year's resolution right now. And this one I'll keep. I am going to build a website for us to keep in touch. Life is too short and too precious to miss contact with such people. Damn. I need a drink. I think I'll go hoist one in memory of the best people and probably the best time I've ever had.

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Sometimes It's Amazing I don't Kill Myself

It really amazes me that I don't break my fool neck sometimes. I started to put up the plastic on my bedroom window to do away with a cold draft when I'm using my computer. The first thing I noticed is that there is no way I can actually reach the far right corner. So I fuss around a bit with the dogs laying on the bed watching and trying to figure out what the hell I am doing. Finally I decide if I turn my wastebasket upside down I can stand on that and I will be able to reach the corner.

When it collapsed I was pretty lucky; I didn't hit anything on the way down, avoided falling on top of the dogs, and didn't throw my back out. Clara rewarded me with a quizzical look and a lick in my general direction. Ok. Bad idea. So I packed a crate of the fireplace logs (45 pound box) and used those to step up onto the bed. Worked fine. Of course the two sided tape fell off the bed and down behind so I couldn't get it. Eventually I got the tap up then pulled up the remaining tape, picked the fuzzy stuff off of it, and sat down to rewind it.

My vertical file was sitting on the bed. When I sat down, half the stuff in it spilled onto the floor. *sigh*. I'm waiting the requisite 15 minutes before I begin peeling the tape off. Then I will push the crate of logs back, try climbing up on the bed again, and put the plastic up. Once that's done and trimmed, I'll climb back onto the bed one final time and use the hair dryer to remove the wrinkles from the plastic, rehang the curtain, and then return the box to the game room. With any luck this will be completed easily and without any potential damage to life and limb.

This really steams me

I got this electronic cleaner in the mail today. With it was a very small user manual. As I read it, I got more and more angry. Whoever wrote this has no really working knowledge of English. The stuff is laughably funny it is so badly written.

Why then am I steamed? Well, that's my profession, or it was until someone decided to outsource it to people like this who write utter comical trash and someone sends it in every single unit that is sold. I even developed a very cost-efficient way of back-sourcing such writing to real American writers while still saving a considerable amount of money for the customer. Of course it was utterly ignored.

Here is one such instruction: Fill the liquid into the tank up to 70-80% full (to such extent to allow the object pending cleaning to be fully submerged in the liquid.) First of all most of the language is redundant. It could more properly just read: Fill the tank sufficiently to ensure that what you wish to clean is fully submerged.

They refer to bubbles as "voids". They refer to "cavitations" being formed. What they mean is waves that clean what they contact.

The following is a single sentence: In the rinsing liquid, voids are repeatedly generated due to the conduction of vibration at the frequency of 45,000 cycles/sec to create the cavitations; and extremely high pressure (up to several hundreds of ATM) is produced when voids hit one another to remove contiminants attached to the object, either by attraction or stripping off, without damaging the material of the object to achieve the optimal cleaning results.

I can write better than that in my sleep on a bad night. But I can no longer find work in my field because of utter trash like this that is used to save a few dollars. This is not only disrespectful of the customer, but show almost a total contempt for anything but the almighty dollar. I wonder if anyone has tried to figure out exactly who is going to buy all these high end items (or low end ones for that matter) when the last of our living wage jobs are shipped overseas? Do we really want to turn the U.S. into a third world nation?

Congressional Business as Usual

Well, all the high-sounding talk about Republicans "getting" the message of the voters in the last election has proven to be nothing but a lot of hot air. It's apparently back to business as usual in D.C. There is an article in the news today saying that congress will not manage to even attempt to pass a single important bill before it adjourns for the last time. That includes the budget they have not bothered to settle on. The very best they might do is pass an interim spending authorization to keep government agencies open. That's it.

No budget. This might actually be a good thing as it would permit Democrats to strip out all the pork and garbage and perhaps send a much leaner budget to the President. That's assuming that Democrats will do that which is iffy at best.

This congress will not address the issue of border security. It will not address port security or illegal immigration as it promised. It won't pass ethics reform as it promised. It won't pass lobbying reform as it promised. The fact is, according to the story I read, it won't do much of anything it's not absolutely forced to and will adjourn early rather than stay in session right up until Christmas and actually work hard to get important legislation finished so they can prove to the voters that they really aren't just a do-nothing bunch of crooks. Then again, maybe there is a good reason for that.

Monday, December 04, 2006

Interesting Juxtaposition

Josh Bolton, President Bush's Chief of Staff, has said that he can see the president making some changes in how he conducts business but that he will not "compromise his principles." Which principles are those, I wonder? His conservative principles of state's rights, fiscal responsibility, balanced budgets, lower debt, smaller, less intrusive government? His personal religious principles that dictate humbleness, compassion to those less fortunate, truthfulness, and honesty?

It seems to me that Mr. Bush has either compromised or totally tossed aside those principles from day one in the white house. Mr. Bush has also proven his willingness to work with the new congress by re-submitting the nominations of the UN Ambassador and five hotly disputed judges immediately after the election dust had settled, thus proving his unwillingness to even consider the ideas or feeling of either Democrats or members of his own party.

I shudder to think what these paper changes will be concerning the Iraq war. Another slogan change perhaps? Another presidential visit over Christmas to play santa under the tree? And what about the domestic agenda? Where is the reform of FEMA or Homeland Security so they are actually effective? What about the 9/11 Commission recommendations, Immigration reform, border security, etc. I understand that he's once again talking out of both sides of his mouth on that last issue in particular by proposing an economic union that will declare the borders nonexistent from North to South America.

I don't think that Mr. Bolton has anything to worry about with regard to Mr. Bush compromising his principles. I'm not sure that there is anything to compromise.

Sunday, December 03, 2006

Another Really Busy Day

Today is going to be very busy as far as I am concerned. We have company coming this afternoon. I have been working my butt off since yesterday cleaning and trying to make the house look good. My daughter told me on Thursday that we need to do some work to ensure that the place is clean for company. That's fine.

Thus far I have swept, mopped, cleaned the bathroom, vacuumed, dusted, cleaned the glass, cleaned the kitchen, hauled out trash and garbage, brought in extra wood for the fireplace, and done a lot of picking up and tidying up. She has.....uh....well.....gotten her nails done, bought some new jeans, and taken a couple of naps. As much as I hate to, I'm going to have to say something about the fact that we actually means both of us. I know it's just carelessness on her part, and she's got a pile on her mind right now with some pretty heavy stuff facing her come the first of January.

I really disappointed some friends today and I feel wretched about it. We have dungeon runs every Sunday in our online game. This one was particularly important to two of them, and I had to bail because of the company. Were these people just some of the drama queens my daughter generally hangs out with, I could have done the run anyway even with them here. However, this is her ex husband and his current girlfriend, both of which are friends of mine and both of whom I like and respect a very lot. I made the decision that real life had to come first in this instance, but my character is still sitting in a corner in the game out of remorse.

I do have to get my butt in gear. I need to mop the kitchen and wax it, and mop the entry yet. I also need to toss some stuff in the fridge. I try to do that once a week so that nothing is in there too long. Somewhere along the line I'll get some lunch, get showered and dressed, and figure out the mess I have with my new afghan pattern.

Saturday, December 02, 2006

The Ironies Just Keep Coming

I just read an article that has been confirmed by the Pentagon that Donald Rumsfeld had concluded that Iraq policies were failing. He apparently sent a memo to the president suggesting a new direction that included scaling back our troops there. Two or three days later Bush fired him.

This is in keeping with the other things that I've seen in recent days. The President is clinging desperately to the idiotic notion that Iraq is still winnable in a military sense. He is repeating "stay the course" in other terminology. It's like a worn out mantra. It has no significance any more in terms of credibility. But he just cannot admit that he was wrong, screwed up royally, then sat on his hands and watched all his precious delusions of statemanship degenerate into civil war. To this day he is apparently sufficiently delusional that he cannot bring himself to believe he's lost in Iraq.

So now we know the real reason Rumsfeld is gone. It wasn't as a sacrifice or because of the elections, but rather because he drew the same conclusion as the rest of us and Mr. Bush was not prepared to hear that from anyone, including Rumsfeld.

Friday, December 01, 2006

Something I read made me stop and think

A friend of a friend recently asked if I were the type of person who insisted on always being in absolute control in relationship. That got me to thinking since it's the furthest from how I actually am that a person can get. Then it struck me; I am not even looking for a "relationship" in the sense that word is used most often. I would appreciate more friends and people to do things with and talk to, but I am not really interested in a "relationship."

I've concluded after thinking about it for a long time, that it would be unfair of me to even consider such a thing. My BS meter is on full from my marriage. I absolutely will not fight with anyone ever again over anything. Spirited discussions about various topics, yeah. Love them. A screaming match where someone tears down and stomps everything about me into the dirt then later says it was OK because he was "angry" no way. No way in hell ever again.

Somewhere along the line, after spending more years than I care to think about changing myself more often than the sheets on a cheap motel room bed, I figured out that I was never going to be good enough for anyone other than me. As one kind soul put it once, I am not pretty, I am getting old (that was some time ago), I'm heavy, I am too smart, too articulate, too educated, I make too much money, and I am not sufficiently deferential to men. That's when I realized that there isn't all that much that is actually wrong with me. Sure I have my faults as everyone does, but they're really not all that bad. I like who and what I am. I'm generous, kind-hearted, even tempered, a helluva good cook, an excellent writer, and those things that were listed as faults. So I decided to stop trying to change to meet someone else's expectations and begin working a lot more on taking care of me and meeting my own needs since nobody else is ever going to.

It's worked out well over the years. I had one slip some years back and the results of that hurt to this day, but I learned my lesson once and for all. I am who I am. While I certainly can improve and am working on that, I will do it for myself. Just as with every other person on this earth, I'm a mixture of good and not so good. I learned that the vast majority of people will judge me more by the breadth of my ass than by the depth of my soul, and that too is ok as that means they spare me the trouble of having to weed them out of my life when I discover that.

The most valuable thing I learned over the years is that basically I am a good person. Not perfect, but more good than not. I make a long term, very loyal friend. I have an excellent sense of humor. I'm bright, articulate, and dependable. I keep my promises. Ok. I don't make many promises, but I keep those I make. The negatives? Well, I tend to be extremely literal; that means that hints don't work with me. I never even hear them. I'm a bit on the stubborn side. I live inside my own head sometimes to the extent that I am oblivious to what is going on around me. I am slow to anger, but if you push hard enough and long enough to anger me I am capable of turning my back and walking away from you and closing the door forever. I say what I mean. I don't play games, and I refuse to be around people who try to manipulate me.

What this means in terms of "relationships" is that I am going to die without ever having known what it feels like to love or be loved in the romantic sense. That nearly killed me once, but I'm well over it now. I made the choice to abandon that hope and pursue those things in life I can actually achieve, and I've done fairly well at that. I still have goals I'm working toward. Some I will reach. Some I will never see. But in the end it's the striving that is almost as important as the goal anyway.

Politically a Bad Week

Things sure seem to be sliding into the political ditch this past week. The findings of the Iraq Study Commission have not even been released and Bush is already rejecting them in favor of "stay the course." Apparently this is because the commission has come to the same conclusion as the generals on the ground and the rest of the world in general--there can be no "victory" in Iraq. Some of the talking heads are saying that this is just a bit of presidential chest beating before he concedes (never officially of course) that we are going to have to begin pulling out our troops.

The Iraq government teeters on the edge of collapse as Al-Sadr pitches a temper tantrum over Maliki agreeing to meet with Bush. I'm not sure how anyone will tell the difference. Maliki has also tried flexing what little muscle he has by snubbing Bush and King Abdullah of Jordan. The most telling thing he said has left the president sputtering. He claimed that the U.S. will be out of Iraq by June. Bush always said the Iraq government was sovereign and made its own decisions, but apparently this one will not be allowed to stand.

Then Newt Gingrich, who really should know better, comes out with a proposal to censor free speech on the Internet. Gingrich isn't nearly as dumb as Bush yet in this single speech he brought himself down to the same abysmal level. What is it about the constitution that these men do not understand?

So all in all it's been a politically bad week. Nobody is paying any attention to Bush's chest beating and posturing. The pundits are saying he's lying to us again about what will ultimately happen. It's a real mess. I'm not sure if Bush is just delusional and actually believes all this crap he spouts or if he is just too stubborn and arrogant to admit he's made a mistake then take adequate steps to fix the mess he made.